


This is everything.

by marcelsnaylor



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alex Walkinshaw, BBC, Conference, F/M, Flac, Holiday, Love, Romance, holby - Freeform, holby city - Freeform, rosie marcel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19106452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcelsnaylor/pseuds/marcelsnaylor
Summary: Jac is invited to a ten-day holiday for funding and conferences for the hospital. Five others are supposed to be joining her, and when she finds out who, it brings everything to the surface rather quickly.Is it finally meant to be? Is it everything they've ever wanted? Or is it just the closure they need to stay friends?





	1. welcome to my world

**Author's Note:**

> [This starts off as a slow burner until the end of the first chapter. I hope you enjoy]

“Are you really taking just that?” He asked her as they both stood over her suitcase.

“What else do I take?” She replied, the reality of an all-inclusive holiday was starting to sink in.

“I can’t believe you got to go instead of me.” He huffed, folding his arms and staring at her.

“It’s not my fault Hanssen wanted me to go and get the funding.” She said, her eyes creasing at the sides as a soft smile appeared.

“But think of the great shirts I could have worn.” He sighed. It was true, Sacha had the most creative taste in shirts. She didn’t reply, only letting out a small laugh at him. He started to pick up her clothes, examining them like the fashion guru he thought he was, chucking them out of the case. “No.”

“No?”

“No. What made you so scared of colour?” He asked, opening the doors of her wardrobe. Her house was big, matching the size of her room and walk-in-wardrobe. Having her best friend living with her was an idea Jac thought was perfect, turns out it was just full of relentless conversation and arguing over the lack of excitement in her life.

“Fine, you pick them. I’ll pack for Emma.” She sighed, holding her hands up in surrender, knowing that this was probably a fight she wasn’t going to be able to win.

“Wait I didn’t know you were taking Emma? It’s a business trip.” He said, the statement coming out more so as a question, looking at her from inside the wardrobe.

“It’s 10 days in Spain, only two days for funding. Henrik said I can bring my kid, the hotel has a créche and all the rest of it.” She shrugged, walking out of the room, leaving Sacha to look as though he was a part of Narnia. Ten days in Spain was not something that Jac had planned on doing since she’d spent so much of the last year away from surgery. Her plan was to get back, become the Jac Naylor that she was known for, the Jac Naylor she knew. But, she had to admit, time away from everything was not something she was going to miss. She wasn’t going to miss the hospital, the patients, the other doctors, the nurses. She was not going to miss that.

“Who else is going?” He asked, shouting from the other room.

“I don’t know.” She replied folding some of Emma’s clothes and placing them on her daughters bed. “Apparently a nurse and four others.” She shrugged. She truly didn’t know. She had her doubts and her worries, the chance it could be scary Sue from ITU going on the trip was a thought she pushed out of her mind. The other chance it could be the old nurse on Keller was small, but still a thought she didn’t want to entertain.

“Fletch?” He asked, stopping Jac’s train of thought.

“He’s got four kids, he isn’t going to say yes to a holiday without them.” She huffed, hoping that she was correct.

“You never know. Have you asked him?”

“No.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“No.”

“Jac.” He sighed, knowing he probably wasn’t going to get anywhere with this conversation.

“Let’s not mention Fletch when Emma can hear, okay?” She asked as she entered her own room, spotting the piles of clothes sprawled over her bed.

“Why?” He asked, folding an array of clothes and shoes into her case. They were clothes that Jac hadn’t worn for years, blues, pinks, the whole fucking rainbow. She wasn’t going to wear them, she’d probably buy other clothes in Spain, but she wasn’t going to wear anything that could reveal her scar. Scars, to be more accurate.

“Because she’s been asking about Theo and the other kids, she wants to know why she hasn’t seen them and Fletch.” She sighed, her back resting on the wall.

“And why is that?”

“You know why.”

“No, Jac, I don’t. I don’t even think you know why.” He sighed, pushing the limit with how much he was going to get from her.

“Because the last thing I said to him was-“

“But my heart..” He laughed, giving her a soft wink.

“See you know why!” She huffed, slightly embarrassed, slightly resentful.

“That’s not a good enough reason.” He said, zipping up her suitcase and popping it on the floor next to her bed. She ignored him, bringing in Emma’s fully packed suitcase, placing it next to hers.

“Will you take us to the airport tomorrow?” She asked, getting her passports and tickets out of her top draw.

“Sure. What time?” He asked, chucking himself on her bed.

“Our flight is at 7:30 so probably leave here around 3.” She said, sitting next to him.

“In the morning?”

“In the morning.” She sighed, a yawn escaping her as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I’ll miss you, for ten days.” She continued. Sacha was her best friend, no matter what, Sacha was always there for her.

“You’ll forget all about me when you hit the beach.” He laughed, stroking her head slightly, telling her he’d miss her too, because he would.

“Mummy are we flying now?” A little voice asked as she came running in, standing at Jac’s knees.

“Not until the morning.” Jac smiled, looking at her daughter.

“Will we see Fletch?” She asked, her fingers prodding on her mother’s knees. Her eyes were big and blue, the culmination of her parents. Jac’s were green and blue, more green than blue. Jonny’s were the same, green and blue, Emma being the only symbol left of the love they once had.

“No baby, not for a while.” Jac replied, stroking her daughter’s arm. “Are you ready for bed?” She asked, her daughter nodded, a soft yawn escaping her has she waddled to her room. Jac followed, helping her daughter change and do all the necessities before she slept. Emma was an easy child really, she did what she was told and she did it correctly, calmly, fiercely - only for her mother.

Jac hated the fact that her daughter missed Fletch, a person who was in their lives for such a long time, only on a platonic level, to suddenly disappear. It wasn’t her fault either, Jac did the best she could to protect herself and Emma, Fletch did the same. It was just when things got rough, when she nearly told him how she felt and she got interrupted, it was over. She gave herself one opportunity to do it, that opportunity had left and it wasn’t going to occur again, she told herself that it wouldn’t. So she isolated herself again, shut him out, she tried to shut Sacha out for a while too, although that failed miserably once he came in one night and just gave her a hug out of no where. But she had unopened text messages from Fletch, unanswered phone calls and she ignored the voicemails that he’d left. She needed to push him as far away as possible. At work she rarely spoke to him, she’d even take other nurses into theatre with her, anything to get him as far away as possible. He hated it, all he wanted was to see her, talk to her, be with her. Until she’d pushed him away so far that she was Ms. Naylor again, he was Mr. Fletcher, and they co-existed, without talking, looking or touching. They were just colleagues, at the bare minimum.

* * *

 “Don’t forget to call me.” Sacha said as he stood at the doors of the airport, giving a hug to Emma.

“We’ll be back in ten days Sacha, you have the house to yourself, stop acting like you aren’t excited.” Jac said, rolling her eyes as Sacha opened his arms for a hug, something that Jac could never resist. He waved them off, one hand in his pocket as he stood in the 4am cold, only wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt - the usual. Emma had placed herself on the luggage carrier, sat on top of the suitcases, spotting the dark sunrise occurring through the big windows. Jac rarely flew places, the last time she left Emma was when she was a baby, she’d decided to leave and fly to a whole new country, a plan that evidently didn’t last long. She couldn’t leave Emma again, flying with her abroad for the first time for a work holiday was not the ideal scenario, but it wasn’t a bad one either. They were early, Jac was early to everything, if she was early then she was on time, if she was on time then she was late.

She was watching around the airport, aware that four other members of staff would be on the trip, and she was hoping, so intensely, that it wasn’t Adrian, or Scary Sue, or 99% of the staff that she hated. Her breath had caught in her throat a couple of times when she’d turned a corner to see the figure of someone she thought she knew, the anticipation was starting to grate on her. They boarded the plane without seeing anyone she knew, grateful that she got Henrik to book a third seat so that they didn’t have to share the row with a stranger. Emma sat at the window, Jac in the middle seat, both of them watching the final moments of sunrise as they flew higher and higher. They both read too, Jac reading a novel that she picked up since she’d decided to save all her medical ones for the holiday, Emma reading a book about animals from her vast collection back at home.

Jac couldn’t help but remember the last conversations she had with Fletcher, the short, bitter, quiet conversations in front of other people. They wouldn’t be alone with one another, not for any obvious reasons, they just avoided that altogether. She remembered one night particularly where he dropped Theo with Sacha, unaware that Sacha was working in the evening as well and so Jac had to take care of him. She did though, grateful that Emma was with Jonny so that she didn’t have to deal with two five year-olds at the same time. She’d come in the next morning with Theo on her hip, taking him down to the creche as seamlessly as possible, trying her best to not get noticed. She didn’t, she executed it perfectly, handing him over to one of the staff members before her shift, rushing back up to find Fletch walking towards her office.

“Sorry.” She remembered him saying, stopping her as she walked past him, entering her own office in a state of panic and relief, an odd combination.

“For what?” She mumbled not looking back at him.

“I didn’t realise Sacha was at work, I should have checked before-“

“It’s fine.” She interrupted, regretful of her tone and attitude, trying her best not to take out three months worth of built-up resentment on him. “He’s in the creche, he’s fine. Kids love me.” She shrugged, both of them trying not to laugh. They couldn’t hold up this pretence for long, both of them knew that, because deep down they had a connection that neither of them had experienced before, so they tried to suppress it until it didn’t exist.

“He didn’t cry?” He asked, standing at the doorway, afraid to come in.

“Didn’t make a sound.” She smiled, sitting at her desk chair, trying her best to not look up and face the man she’d tried her best to forget. She failed, catching a glimpse of him looking at her, a small smile across his face.

“Well thanks.” He said, looking up, still trying his best to not look at her directly, her hair, her face, her eyes, her, yet failing miserably. He didn’t know how he felt either, anymore. He was empty, a feeling so strange since he was full of everything three months ago. He wanted to feel everything and he felt everything when she was around. He felt a pain in his chest that got sharper every time she came near him, an agonising and tiring pain, one that he’d rather die from than lose. There was no argument, no disagreement. Just distance. A full distance, it was full of emotion and compassion and dare they say it, love. If one of them reached out and closed the distance, they would feel it all. But they didn’t. He walked away, catching a glimpse of her hair as she ran her fingers through it, the shades of ginger shifting between one another as the sun shone a little brighter that morning, a little fuller, and he knew he still felt it all.

Her train of thought was interrupted by the plane abruptly landing. The flight was short, about three and a half hours, arriving at half eleven since Spain was one hour ahead. They got off behind a swarm of people, Emma tugging on her mother’s t-shirt so that she didn’t get left behind. She kept checking to see if there was anyone she knew, there wasn’t. Not a soul, just tourists floating around the airport, looking for a taxi or a friend to pick them up, beginning their holiday. They had a taxi pick them up, taking them to a new hotel right on the coast, a fifteen minute drive from the airport. Their hotel was big, bigger than anything either of them had seen. It was white and black, aspects of gold running through the walls and the marble floor. Emma had a smile plastered all over her face, pointing at the pictures and paintings across the wall, Jac following her and talking to her. A sense of relief rushed over her, they were happy. It had been a long time since she’d felt this happy and free, relaxed and alright. Emma had a tough year herself, not knowing if Jac was ever going to make it, Jac wondering the same thing. But she had, against all odds, she’d made it. Standing in a posh hotel with posh people and posh furniture, she’d made it. They waited in line at reception, waiting for their room number and key, a line that split into three nearly all the way to the door.

“Jac Naylor, Holby City Hospital.” Jac said, placing her ID on the desk and watching the lady work.

“Habitación 347.” The lady spoke, clearly only speaking Spanish and not English. Jac, being the type of person who always wanted to be the best, spoke four languages, English, French, Italian, and luckily, Spanish. So they followed the lady up, entering their room, revealing what she could only describe as a mansion on one floor. As they walked in, there was a small hallway leading to a lounge, large and open planned, two sofa’s and a big TV against a wall. There were three bedrooms, two smaller ones, one big one, one for Emma and the larger one for Jac who questioned the third room, but ignored it, noticing they all had ensuites. She tried to hide her surprise, listening closely and trying to remember the Spanish that she had learned years ago.

She kept looking out of the window, just incase, just to be sure that there was no one that she knew, wondering who the other five members of staff were. She couldn’t see any though, making her way into the hallway to grab the bags she’d left outside. There were three other doors that she could see, one next door, one opposite that and one opposite her own, big, black doors with their numbers painted in gold. The one opposite her opened causing Jac to look down from staring, focusing on her own bags as she rolled them into her room, shutting the door behind her.

They’d spent the most of the day unpacking their stuff, Emma making use of the big bath in her en-suite, lying in it empty whilst Jac did all the hard work. She didn’t mind it though, she liked to be organised especially since she had no idea what this week would entail. She’d made a conscious effort not to think about the other co-workers who would appear, knowing that she’d probably see them tonight and if not, definitely tomorrow and the first fundraiser evening. Emma had entertained herself with her mum’s phone whilst Jac read for a while on the balcony, the sun hitting the nape of her neck as she tired her hair in a loose bun on the top of her head. They made the most of the free day they had before they went for dinner at the hotel, Jac sporting a loose, low cut white t-shirt and light blue jeans. She wasn’t fond of the aspects of holiday’s, bikini’s, skin, sand, all the rest of it. Mainly because she wouldn’t dare show her skin to anyone in it’s scar covered state, she wouldn’t dare. She walked past the piles of people walking through the hallway, each of them dressed up for dinner, half drunk on alcohol, half on the ecstasy of pure holiday joy. Part of her wished she could feel like that, the excitement of it all, looking down at Emma who paddled along the marble floor, maybe she’d try it, for her daughter.

So she did, she put on a smile as they sat down opposite one another, Emma on a seat that ran alongside the back of the room, Jac on a single chair. The girl was laughing at the funny pictures on her children’s menu, Jac joining in, both of them discussing the comparison of arm’s to legs that one of the character’s suffered. It was forced at first, the smiling and the laughter, it was forced until she sat down and watched her daughter marvel in the atmosphere, and then her own smile became the picture of her daughter’s, both of them laughing at nothing at all. They ate quickly, Emma adamant that she wanted a proper bath in the tub she’d spent most of the day reading her books in, Jac obliging, setting her cutlery in the middle of her plate.

“Can we say hi to Fletch?” Emma asked, Jac’s smile faltering slightly as she crooked her head in a silent question.

“Maybe we’ll see him when we get back home.”

“Why not now?” She asked, her persistence to this issue surprised Jac, Emma normally let it go after asking once.

“Because we’re on holiday and they’re in cold, rainy England.”

“No.” She whispered, pointing to the side, Jac losing her smile completely and turning it into a frown, frustrated and Emma’s persistence. He had caught Emma’s eye as he watched the two discussing something that seemed to be amusing, watching Jac’s smile grow until it couldn’t anymore, a smile growing on his own face. He hadn’t realised she was here, he knew she would be in the same country and at the same funding events, but not the same hotel. He probably should have put two and two together, he probably should have prepared himself for seeing her again. It had been a while since they had interacted properly, Jac so nearly confessing everything to him when he already had, he should have been more prepared. He watched the young girl’s hand point to him and his children, Fletch turning around almost immediately, prepared to duck if there was anything to duck behind. There wasn’t, and he was stood with his face against a wall like an idiot, a pure, fucking idiot. Not that it mattered, not that it helped him at all when all four of his kids were stood there smiling at the mother and daughter duo.

“Oh.” Jac muttered, looking at his kids and then back at her daughter, then back at his kids again. She had to try really hard not to let a smile out from beneath her frown at the site of his children. They had become fond of her, completely and utterly as she had of them. They spent days out together when things between Jac and Fletch were less complicated, they were still complicated and unresolved, but they were okay. They had made trips to zoo’s, parks, lunches and dinners, they’d done it all as a group of seven for weeks before things got really complicated. They were never resolved, nothing had been said that made either of them completely understand what they felt for one another. That was a lie actually, they both knew exactly how they felt for one another, so much so it hurt, but they didn’t really know how the other one felt, not right now, not after so many months had passed. She nodded for his kids to come over leaving Fletch stood by himself, slightly let down at the kids’ lack of ability to follow his lead.

Evie ran over first, the other three following her lead, all of them forming a line besides Jac and Evie. “Hey.” She beamed, sitting next to Emma, Theo doing the exact same on the other side of her, instantly finding something funny.

“Hi.” Jac replied, her eyes glancing over to the man stood in the corner.

“Dad said you might be here.” Ella smiled, “We haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Busy with work.” She shrugged, the lie rolling from her lips as though it had been rehearsed.

“That’s exactly what Dad said.”

“Mmm.” She smiled, she knew the kids were smarter than what they seemed, they knew as much about the relationship as Jac and Fletch did, probably even more. She watched them all interact with one another, noticing the constant smile on her daughter’s face. It made her wonder about the possibilities, if Fletch did feel anything for her the way he used to, the way he once said he did. She excused herself from the table, Mikey taking her seat as she walked over to Fletch who had finally turned around, his eyes staring into an empty phone. “Are you avoiding me?” she asked bluntly, watching him look up from his phone.

“No, I-“

“Mmm?” She hummed, tilting her head as she watched him struggle.

“Just catching up on emails.” He lied, he just didn’t know how she was going to react to them speaking properly for the first time in a few months, with the kids and the rest of it.

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Well I wasn’t until Frieda reminded me that I could take the kids.”

“She booked my room for me, she’s surprisingly good at that stuff.” She laughed, letting her guard down for the first time. She didn’t know why she was doing that, it might be the sun that’s gone to her head that makes her feel a bit giddy, but there’s just something about him.

“Mine too, room 349.” He said, looking at the keys in his hand. Her eyes widened and then returned back to usual after a moment of realisation, knowing Frieda booked the rooms that were next to one another. This was her way of reminding Jac that she’d always known about their little love affair, that was never really an affair, mainly just their love.

“Ah, neighbours.” Jac shrugged, trying not to let on about both her distain and excitement over the situation, turning back to face the kids who were still laughing amongst themselves. “They get on, don’t they.”

“They do, they haven’t stopped shutting up about you and Emma.”

“Emma keeps going on about you too.” There was a moment of silence between them, neither of them able to acknowledge the reasons behind their time apart, or their time together. Their time together wasn’t a relationship of course, but it was often mistaken for one. They had always been just friends, no benefits, not unless you call loving one another, but unable to touch one another for the fear that you’d love one another so much that you’d break one another a benefit. They watched the kids turn to them, Fletch and Jac both nodding their heads to the door to indicate to their respective children it was time to go, all of them walking together, Emma and Theo in a fit of laughter over something no one else knew.

“This is insane.” Evie whispered as she walked through the corridors to their floor, all of them taking in the beauty of the hotel. “Where’s your room?” She asked Jac as Fletch stopped to unlock his door, opening to reveal a very similar style to Jac’s.

“Here.” Jac sighed as she took a few steps to the next door, unlocking it as she watched Evie marvel at the genius of whoever booked their rooms.

“Isn’t that fortunate.” Evie smiled, her eyes lingering on Jac’s as she tried to teleport a message across, something along the lines of telling her to just kiss her dad, just fucking do it, we all know you want to. The message didn’t transfer, obviously, it stayed in the back of Evie’s mind, watching Jac as she entered her room, that exact thought on the forefront of her own.

“What’s this?” Mikey yelled, Jac turning her head to the other door that was fixed against the back wall. “Woah.” He smiled as he opened it, Jac’s eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she saw the young boy enter her room from the door separate to the one she had a key for. She looked at him, Fletch stood behind him, looking just as confused, seeing that Mikey had entered from their room, her mind whirling over the mechanics of how safe that was if she didn’t know the guests next door, making a mental note to discuss that with reception at a later point.

“We have an issue.” Fletch sighed, traipsing back from around his room, it also resembling an apartment. “I only have two rooms.”

“Why’s that an issue?” Jac asked, standing in the doorway between the rooms. On his side she could see the living room, on her side he could see the door to her bedroom, her suitcase standing outside it.

“Because I have four kids, one room for me, Ella and Evie can share, what about Mikey and Theo?”

“Oh.” She pondered, knowing she had a spare room that Mikey could have and Theo could share Emma’s bed considering they were pretty much like brother and sister anyway. She wondered if she should bother mentioning it for the fear of him rejecting it and moving rooms anyway, something she wouldn’t know how to take.

“We’ll get another room.” He sighed, turning away from their shared space in the doorway, Mikey nosying around Jac’s apartment-like room.

“I have a spare room.” She breathed, the words falling out of her mouth before she realised they had even processed in her brain. “I have three rooms.”

“Can Theo and Mikey stay?” He asked tentatively, “If it’s not too much bother.”

“Wait I want to stay with Jac.” Evie mumbled as she stood next to the adults, both of them looking at one another.

“Me too.” Ella laughed, dragging her suitcase to the door. Jac let out a soft sigh, hearing Emma and Theo run from wherever they had been to meet everyone else in the doorway.

“So if I have Evie and Ella in the spare room, Emma in one, Mikey and Theo can stay with you.” Jac shrugged. Her mind was trying to catch up with her words, whatever possessed her to become this care free she didn’t know. Maybe it was that feeling of holiday ecstasy everyone else had, or maybe it was because she didn’t want Fletch to not be next door.

“Right.” Evie said, dragging her suitcase into Jac’s hotel room, “Where’s my room?”

“Let’s just set some ground rules first.” Fletch said, his words slow and authoritative, grabbing all the kids’ attention, Jac’s included. “This door stays open, all of you unpack, shower and be ready in forty-five minutes so we can chill out.” She watched him as all of the kids followed his instructions, Emma included, him instructing Evie to help Emma get ready for bed.

“What are we doing?” Jac sighed as she watched the kids disperse, Evie taking Emma’s hand, all of them settling in somewhere through the rooms of the, not really rooms, apartments.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, two girls?”

“You sure you can cope with Mikey and two five-year-olds since Emma probably will find her way to your apartment.” She laughed knowing Emma did look at Fletch as some sort of father figure and all of his kids as her siblings, Jac couldn’t stop it, it just sort of happened.

“Piece of cake.” He smiled, looking at her as she stood a few inches below him, resting her head on the doorframe. Her skin was more tanned than usual, he assumed she’d been sat in the sun, her freckles appearing more prominent and her hair was bright ginger, still quite straight, but it had a small wave to it. She closed her eyes for a second, her loose white shirt tucked into the front of her jeans revealed part of her chest, part of her body he’d never seen before, something he had to drag his eyes away from, not because he was worried she’d catch him, but because it wasn’t his place to look at her like that, no matter how badly he wanted to, it wasn’t something he was allowed to do, a rule he’d made himself.

“Jac.” They heard Ella yell, Jac’s eye’s opening slowly to reveal Fletch stood a few inches away, his boyish grin across his face. “Jac.” Ella repeated again when she got no response, Jac’s head twitching to the side in light irritation.

“I’m coming.” She huffed, peeling herself from the wall, letting a yawn escape, not prepared for dealing with the kids.

“Welcome to my world.” He laughed, curling his finger and nudging her stomach gently as he walked past into his side of the door, Jac travelling in the opposite direction, placing her hand over where his finger just was, savouring the feeling of contact. “You’re going to love it."

* * *

* * *

 

 


	2. say something

By the time Fletch was up, the kids were already showered and dressed, Jac sat with them at the dining table writing in a white notebook. She had time to think about it all last night as the kids dispersed into their rooms, Fletch, Mikey and Theo entertaining themselves, she had time to think about it all. She wanted him, she had always wanted him right from the first day, but it was different now. She could see it in him through the weeks they hadn’t spoken that he still cared, that he still cared for her regardless of the distance she had created. She didn’t want him to care for her, she wanted him to love her, completely, so much so that he would kiss her and touch her and hold her. She’d heard rumours of him going on dates, but she didn’t say anything. She just didn’t want to force it, she didn’t want to run up and kiss him incase he didn’t feel that way, she didn’t know how to go about it. She wanted it all, him, the kids, a home, a life, a family. She just didn’t know what, when, or how it could happen.

“What are you all doing?” He asked as he came through the white door that brought everyone together, witnessing all his children around the large table, Jac scribbling something down.

“Check the email.” She sighed, passing him her phone as he came closer, watching his eyes adjust to the brightness of the screen, his eyebrows furrowing.

“A conference and another fundraising event?”

“Mmm.” She sighed, taking her eyes off her writing to look at him, his hair was undone and ruffled slightly, a zipped up hoodie covering his body. “So that means two conferences and three fundraising events all on different days.”

“Great.” He huffed, resting a hand on Evie’s shoulder as she smiled up at him.

“The kids want to do a lot of things so we’re just seeing if we can make it work.” 

“You are?” He eyed her, suspicious of her behaviour, wondering why on earth she would be putting herself through all this with the kids. 

“It’s going to be busy.” She smiled, passing him the notebook as he exchanged it with her phone, both of them making eye contact for the first time this morning.

“Mikey you want to visit the art museum?”

“Yes.” He nodded confidently, Jac raising her eyebrows at the boy’s father who let out a small laugh and shrug, “I do.”

“Alright then.” Fletch nodded, passing Jac the notebook, “Let’s all get ready.” All the kids obeyed, finding their feet and wandering off, Jac still not understanding how a man like Adrian Fletcher could be so authoritative. She liked it though, the way his kids did what he told them to, without protest, his voice more raspy than usual in the morning and it sent a flutter straight through her. He gave her a smile before wandering off, leaving her to contemplate. There was too much time for thinking, she thought as she stood up, making her way to the bedroom. There was too much time for her to think about how much she loved Fletch, how badly she wanted him, how badly she wanted him to want her.

* * *

 

They’d spent the rest of the day down by the pool, Jac not finding the courage to get in the water or take her t-shirt off. He understood though, jumping in instead, spending most of his time with the kids in the pool, his eyes trying to stay away from how Jac looked under the sun. She always had really ginger hair, that was no secret, but now it looked brighter, like fire, and it was almost impossible for him to look away. She caught him looking every now and again, his eyes finding their way to her and it sent an impulse through her body every time he looked away.

“I need to get ready.” She mouthed to him from the poolside, knowing they both had to be at the event in an hour and a half, taking herself up to the room. She’d decided on just trousers and a shirt for the first night since it was the first one and she had two other nights to impress people on. She didn’t bother washing her hair, the sun had done it some good and so she left it, liking the way it looked, the colours of gold and orange melting into one another, finding it’s way down her back. There was a light knock at her door, Jac turning round to reveal Fletch stood there, his skin tan from the sun.

“My hot water isn’t working.” He frowned, a towel in one hand as he rested his elbow on the doorframe.

“Go ahead.” She smiled, nodding to her ensuite which he gratefully took, the water washing off the chlorine smell on his skin. He didn’t take long, running his hands through his damp hair as he opened the bathroom door. He watched her fiddle with the back of her shirt, the small button being twisted in her fingers failing to get hooked in the little hole on the other side of her shirt.

“Can I?” He asked gently causing her to spin her head in his direction. He was stood there in his boxers and nothing else, his towel thrown over his shoulder. She nodded silently, finding it difficult to muster any words at all given the figure in front of her, drawing her eyes away. She watched him carefully in the mirror, his focus on the back of her shirt was slightly humorous, but the way his fingers grazed the back of her neck was not, and she could buckle because of his touch in a single moment. “Done.” He smiled, looking at her in the mirror, stood behind her so only his neck was visible in the view. It took almost all of his strength to not touch her again, to not press a single kiss on her cheek or the side of her neck.

“Thanks.” She whispered, not taking her eyes off their reflection, neither of them saying a word to one another.

“I was thinking-“ He breathed, the back of her shirt opening in a thin oval, revealing the majority of her scar.

“Dad.” They heard Evie say from the door, both of them turning around abruptly to face the young girl who had pursed her lips in regret of interrupting something.

“Yeah?” He asked, stifling through the small lump that had built in the back of his throat. He was going to ask Jac if she wanted to have a drink with him after the fundraiser, he was so close to finally saying something and yet again they had been interrupted.

“The babysitter is here.” She smiled, looking at Jac who had bit her bottom lip in frustration, needing to feel his skin on hers just once more.

“I’ll sort it.” Jac said, watching Evie find her way out, Fletch standing in front of Jac until she walked to the door.

“You, uh…” he said as he ran his hand out across her elbow, watching her turn back to face him, “you look really nice.” He smiled shyly, she let her bottom lip go from between her teeth, trying to understand what he was thinking, how his mind was working and if it was working like hers was. She nodded in response, letting his hand fall from her elbow, walking to meet the babysitter.

“Ms. Naylor?” The babysitter asked, standing at the front door as she watched all the kids stare at her.

“Hi.”

“I am going to have to be babysitting Mr. Fletcher’s kids as well as our other babysitter has cancelled, I knocked on his door, but he wasn’t there.”

“We have a dual living situation going.” Jac said, pointing to the opening door, “So I have a couple of his kids with me.”

“That’s handy.” The babysitter gleamed, she was young, maybe around twenty eight, and very blonde. She had dark brown roots at the top which contrasted against the barbie colour she’d opted for, staring Jac up and down slightly.

“Janine?” Fletch asked as he came from Jac’s room, looking at the younger lady who marvelled at the sight of him in his boxers. “I thought you worked at the care home in Holby?”

“Henrik asked for some of us to give a hand with the kids.” She smiled, “You look good!”

“Ah,” he paused, it dawning on him he was only in his boxers, walking towards his side of the room, “thank you! We’ll have to catch up!” He pointed at her with a sense of urgency, Jac slightly taken back by the interaction and Janine’s face, a clear invitation into the thoughts that circulated the young girls mind. He disappeared into his own room leaving Jac and the kids to invite this woman in.

“He get’s more attractive every time I see him.” she winked, Jac pursing her lips since she couldn’t say anything, he was single after all.

“You know him well?” Jac asked, squinting slightly in silent frustration.

“He helped me with the job at the care home.” She beamed, running a hand through her slightly brittle locks. “He’s still single-“

“Anyway.” Jac interrupted, taking in a harsh breath and pointing to the children. “We should be back for around ten, any issues i’m sure Hanssen gave you my number.” Her words were slow and authoritative, exactly like when she was at work. It was rare the kids got to experience this side of her, but they loved it.

“Should I get Mr. Fletcher’s number too? Just incase?”

“I don’t think that’d be necessary.” She smiled falsely, tapping her foot as Janine stood and watched, slightly taken back by her tone. She’d heard of Jac Naylor, everyone had and all of the horror stories, but she didn’t think Fletch would be sharing a room with her, they were polar opposites. “Fletch, let’s go.” She yelled, taking one last look at the babysitter slash care taker before turning around to the kids. Jac didn’t like other people at the best of times, it wasn’t that she was threatened by this girl, or jealous, she just didn’t know what to think. “Behave please.” She warned all the kids, Emma fiddling with her fingers.

“We will!” Mikey defended, giving Jac a hug before she left, seeing his dad come out finally fully clothed.

“Ready?” He asked Jac who was laughing at something Ella had said, turning around to nod her head.

“Love you.” She smiled to Emma before she turned for the door.

“Love you too.” She heard them say, all of the kids chiming in with their rendition of the declaration of love, all with gleaming smiles around their faces. She turned around with a small frown on her face, rolling her eyes at them individually.

“Hmm.” She was intrigued by this moment, turning back around to Janine who stood there in silence. She shrugged it off though, Fletch holding the door open for her which she gratefully walked through, leaving one final look to the kids who had found something to talk about amongst themselves.

“Can you give me a brief introduction because I’ve never done one of these before.” He sighed as he walked down the stairs. The event was being held downstairs in the hotel, a good ten minute walk from their rooms.

“Yes,” she sighed, painfully aware that she should not have worn heals. Her back still wasn’t one hundred percent and wearing heels made it so much worse. She forced herself to take pain medication, meaning she had to be sober for this evening. “You just go around, giving reasons why your department deserves the funding that they may or may not choose to donate. It’s all about charm.” She smiled as they stood in front of the two large doors, hearing quiet music and loud chatter from behind them.

“Oh, well I should be fine then.” He winked, pushing the door open as she stifled a laugh, revealing men and women all dressed up, both Jac and Fletch only wearing trousers and shirts.

“We have to stay until ten. Then, if we’re bored we can go.” She whispered before they walked in.

“Deal.” He smiled, not realising that they were in this together, that all of a sudden, by that one single door, they were back to Jac and Fletch, not Ms. Naylor and Mr. Fletcher. They walked in separate directions however, Jac going one way and Fletch the other, both with different targets and agendas. She couldn’t believe she had to be here for four hours, watching everyone as they moved slowly into conversation, ignoring the piano that was being played by an older man in the corner. The room was big, it was white and black, reminiscent of the rest of the hotel, yet she seemed to have forgotten the dress code and she stood out like a sore thumb in a white shirt and black trousers whilst everyone was in long, black and red dresses and suits.

“Jac Naylor.” A tall man said, taking her out of her focus on the room. “Just the surgeon I was looking for.”

“Dr. Webber.” She smiled, putting on a face for everyone she didn’t know, yet had to impress.

“Your ward has been doing some amazing things, so I’ve heard.”

“It has.” She agreed, securing long-term funding, over-seas patients, direct transfers and requests by name - 'Naylor' was becoming a hospital known name.

“I’ve already donated half of Mercy Groups funding budget to your ward.” He smiled, Jac parting her lips in shock and surprise. Mercy Group was the leading NHS funding organisation in the country and she couldn’t hide her smile as a response.

“We will be able to do a lot with that.” She beamed, “I have some plans.”

“Would you want to share some of those?” She paused for a second, knowing exactly what happened with Guy Self and his betrayal all those years ago with her stent, yet she nodded, knowing this was different, all her ideas were in the works and specific to the hospital. She took a seat with the older doctor, explaining her ideas and plans as he listened, encouraging her to continue. She caught Fletch standing with a shorter blonde woman, the blonde seeming to be a current theme of the day. He’d finally found someone interested in talking about the nursing department and he was able to put some good ideas forward, impressing the lady enough to receive an amount of funding that would make this night a lot shorter.

“It’ll work.” She smiled, taking a sip from her water.

“If you ever fancy a change of scenery, your name is being brought up a lot.” He suggested, Jac nearly choking on her drink.

“Maybe in the future.” She smiled, taking a glance at Fletcher who had now surrounded himself with a group of people, she knew he would’ve been good at this.

“The offer is there.” He said, parting from her and taking his drink with him, several other doctors and funding representatives taking his place. She was sat there for a while, she didn’t even have to move for people to give her the money she wanted. She heard them all speaking to her, her attention wavering between them and Fletch who had gone back to just speaking to the blonde lady, him doing most of the talking.

“That’s incredibly generous.” She said as she took another sip of her water, job offers and funding flying all over the place, her mind trying to catch up with everything she was hearing. “Thank you.”

“What’s your secret?” One of them asked, resting their elbow on the bar that was stood behind Jac’s chair. “You were shot a year and a half ago, and now you’re one of the best surgeons in the world.

“People.” She said without a second thought. “I had a lot of good people around me, and love for surgery.”

“We would love to do an interview with you.” Another said, Jac nodding slowly, wondering how she was going to get out of that one. It didn’t matter though, not right now, she had received more funding than what she expected to over the course of the whole holiday, but seeing Fletch talking to another woman irritated her. She knew exactly why, for the fear he truly wasn’t interested in her anymore, and she didn’t know quite what to think. She searched for his eyes once her company had left, him immediately looking up at her and his boyish grin appearing, waving her over. She obliged, purely out of curiosity, finding her feet from the high chair and trying not to grimace in pain, slowly walking over.

“This is Ellie Newman, head of Nursing at New London Hospital.” He smiled, watching the lady turn to face her. She was older than the back of her looked, her face screwed up in a tight smile.

“Hi I’m-“

“Jac Naylor.” She interrupted, Fletch finding someone else to talk to. “Adrian has been telling me all about you.”

“Oh is that what you-“

“Been talking about?” She interrupted her again, Jac immediately taking a small disliking to the woman. “Yes.”

“He’s the Director of Nursing at Holby so we work a lot together.” She forced her words out gently, wondering how long she was going to have to entertain this conversation for.

“New London has put some funding towards the nursing department at Holby actually.”

“That’s great news.”

“He seems like a good development to your team, we’ve heard a lot about Darwin Ward recently.”

“Yes, it seems as though a lot of people have.” She was relieved that she was back to where she once was, probably even better, but there was an overwhelming sense of pressure to get things done now, to get even better. They spoke for a while longer, Jac having to stand and her back starting to creak with every movement, her legs shaking slightly with each word she said. “Anyway, I’m going to head off.” She said politely, picking up her empty glass of water and then putting it back down again at the realisation of the dry bottom.

“So early?”

“Kids are upstairs.”

“Wow.” Ellie breathed, watching Jac tilt her head. “I didn’t realise you had kids.”

“It’s complicated.” She smiled, not having enough time to explain, or enough tolerance to the pain to bother. She stumbled slightly to the doors, one hand resting on her back as the other fumbled for the handle, finally able to reach the outside. She walked for a few seconds, trying to steer clear of any attendees to the event, finding a corner. She ran her back down the wall slowly, taking in harsh breaths as she sat, both knees against her chest as she gently lulled her head backwards, exasperated from the pain.

 _Pull yourself together Naylor_ , she thought to herself as she looked around her, there was no one, thank the heavens, she was grateful for that. She tried to regain the pattern of her breathing, being told by the physio on a number of occasions that breathing helped with pain, although it truthfully did absolutely fuck all. She felt a body sit next to her, suspiciously close, their body towering above hers. She looked up, already knowing who it was before she looked, witnessing his boyish grin.

“What are you doing?” She asked him as he shuffled lightly closer to her.

“Are you in pain?”

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

“No.”

“Are you lying about lying?”

“Okay-“ She had lost patience with him slightly, realising she was getting no where and he was seeing straight through her. 

“There we go.” He beamed, his voice slightly hushed so that they didn’t attract any attention. Neither of them said anything, they just looked at each other. She took the opportunity to rest her head on his shoulder, the small amount of human contact had an effect on them both, Fletch humming in the back of the throat.

“I missed you.” She whispered, he wouldn’t have heard her if she wasn’t against him, he wouldn’t of heard the small declaration. She didn't miss him during the event, that wasn't what she was referring to and she hoped with every part of her that he knew what she was referring to - the distance she had created, the distance he had allowed. They weren't enemies, they never could be, they were just colleagues for a while because neither of them knew how to be anything else, not like they once were. Friends, Jac could only rely on Sacha and then she could only rely on Sacha  _and_ Fletch, and if she lost Fletch she wouldn't know how to cope. It had dawned on her that he probably would never leave her, if any sort of romance had fallen apart he probably would stick around, he'd probably be able to tolerate her as a friend. There was something about them, she would never say soulmates because she didn't believe in that, but there was definitely something about them that made her lose any sense of her ability to cover up her feelings, and she just laid them out in front of him on the dark grey carpet of the fancy hotel, a thousand miles away from home. 

"I missed you too.”

“No.” she breathed, “Not the way I missed you.”

“In what way?”

“You know.”

“I don’t.” He did, or at least he hoped he did.

“I wasn’t ready before. I wasn’t ready to contemplate what I wanted, I knew what it was, I just didn’t know why.”

“Right...” He breathed, trying not to get frustrated at her cryptic language, letting her explain herself.

“I didn’t know why it was you, out of all the people in the world. I do now, but it’s too late.”

“It’s never been too late.”

“Ange?”

“Ange Goddard?” He asked, sitting up straight, knocking her head off his shoulder until he leant back, Jac finding the material of his shirt again.

“Well I heard-"

“Please shut up.” He whispered, letting a gentle laugh escape. She had heard he’d been seen a lot with Ange, the new surgeon on Keller who Jac had met a couple of times, not particularly liking her regardless of her involvement with Fletch. “Ange Goddard is not the person for me.” He sighed, looking directly in front of him at the wall.

“Who is?” She asked quietly and uncertainly, aware that this was becoming slightly real.

“Well. There’s this one surgeon I know who is so stubborn it’s irritating. She's super annoying, really bossy, nosey and sarcastic. She's also really scary and did I mention she is bossy?" He laughed, watching her roll her eyes. "But she's very loyal, incredibly smart, still unbelievably bossy, but she's _really_ pretty." His words ended up as a whisper, they were slow, the humour behind them was not lost on Jac who let out a small laugh, rolling her eyes.

“She sounds cool.” She whispered, finding herself tracing patterns in the palm of his hand that rested between their knees.

“Mmm, depends on the day.”

“Shut up.”

“So what are you telling me?” He asked, finally serious again.

“I don’t know. I just don't want this to go wrong.”

“As long as you're honest with me, Jac, I can deal with everything else you throw my way.”

"Are you sure?" She asked, raising her eyebrow. Even Jac knew herself that she was a lot to deal with.

"Are you going to let me find out?" She hummed in response, resting her head on the wall as she thought it out for a second.  _What could go wrong? Everything. How would Emma feel? Probably quite happy. How would I feel?_ _Probably quite happy. Do I deserve to be happy?_ She didn't know an answer to the last thought, but something in her wanted to try at least, to try and be happy, professionally  _and_ personally. So she turned to look at him, examining his face briefly before opening her mouth to speak, and then closing it again. "Did you want to say something?" 

"No."

"Are you sure?" 

"Can you just say something first?"

"No."

"I hate you." She mumbled and she felt herself turn back to being a seventeen-year old kid, nervous, petrified. “Okay.” She whispered, “I like you. Like quite a bit.” She continued, frowning and cringing at the words that came out of her mouth.

“That’s nice.”

“Fletch?” She bit, lifting her head and facing him.

“Oh is it my turn?” He laughed, watching her scowl and roll her eyes, elbowing him gently.

“Mm.”

“Oh, then I like you too, quite a bit.” He breathed, watching a small smile creep on her face, both of them staring at one another.

"Okay," she breathed, dropping her head from facing him, slightly embarrassed, "is this too quick?"

"No, I don't think so. This has been going on for two years, I just needed you to say something." 

"Well I've said something." She mumbled, "Now what?'

“Now, we go back and check on the kids.”

“That doesn’t seem like a normal thing to do after we've confessed all of this for the first time.”

“We’ve never been normal.” He sighed, standing up and reaching out a hand for her to take, it not being enough as she collapsed against the wall again, watching him falter in concern.

“I’m fine.” She breathed, looking up at him from her crouched position on the floor.

“You look it.” 

“Shut up.” She mumbled, giving him two hands to take as he pulled her up, allowing her to stumble towards him, catching her. She wrapped her arms around his neck to keep her steady, her chin resting on his shoulder as his hands found the sides of her back. “I don’t think I can walk all the way back up.” She hated defeat, but there was no other way around this, she couldn’t walk and she couldn’t believe that after all this time this was her current situation.

“Right then.” He huffed, turning around with his hands behind his back slightly.

“What?”

“How else do you plan on getting back to the room?”

“Not via a piggyback.”

“Alright then.” He sighed, taking a few steps towards the end of the hallway. “I’ll meet you in the room.” He said, continuing around the corner as she stood there, kicking off her heels.

“Fuck.” she whispered to herself, she’d really done it this time, cut her nose to spite her face and all that. She picked the black pair of shoes up, examining them and damning them for causing her so much pain. She took a few steps forward, one hand grazing the wall for support, each step hurting more than the previous one. “Crap.” She breathed, resting her head against the wall.

“Now do you want a piggyback?” He asked, standing in front of her without her realising.

“Shut up.” She said, those two words rolled off her tongue a lot when he was around. “Fine.” She obliged, watching him turn around as she shuffled towards him, the pain hitting her as she attached herself to him, sucking in a harsh breath.

“Wasn’t so hard was it.” He laughed, carrying her through the hallway, her rolling her eyes at him.

“Ooo.” She breathed, walking past one of the crepe stands that stood outside the conference room. She knew that all the hospitals would have gone to town in organising the events, hence the array of food shops and stands inside the hotel.

“You’re such a child.” He huffed, walking straight past the stands and to the stairs, eyeing the distance and going up.

“But they have the lemon and sugar ones.”

“Every crepe place has lemon and sugar ones.” He retorted, he could tell that she was frowning at him but he didn’t really care as he found their floor. “I’m surprised you didn’t burn in the sun.”

“Why?”

“You mean besides the fact that you’re the most ginger person I’ve ever seen?” He laughed, checking each door for their one. “I could flash a torch at you and you’d sizzle.” He chuckled, feeling her hit his shoulder gently.

“I hate you.”

“347!” He exclaimed, slightly relieved he didn’t have to carry her any further, grabbing the key card to fit in the slot, finding success the first time. Her room was quite dark and she couldn’t find a spot to place her shoes, so she just chucked them into the darkness of the floor. Fletch stumbled over them a moment later, looking over his shoulder to watch Jac who had placed a hand over her mouth to stop her laughter. He looked at her in slight disbelief before facing her bedroom again, walking in, turning the light on and allowing her to slide from his back. “You good?” He asked, looking at her gently as she nodded, her eyes finding his.

“Mmm.” She hummed, he watched her eyes trail over his face to his lips, his breath hitched in the back of his throat as he brushed a couple of strands of hair behind her ear. She ran her thumb along his jawline, it was sharper than she remembered it ever being, his whole body actually being more toned than she’d expected from a nurse with four kids. She tried not to let out a laugh at the thoughts in her head, feeling him graze her cheekbone as he ducked his head slowly.

“Ms. Naylor? Is that you?” A high pitched voice interrupted, Fletch and Jac letting out disgruntled coughs as they separated, turning to face the door.

“Yes.” She said, walking over to look in her wardrobe as Fletch occupied himself with anything else.

“The kids are asleep, am I alright to head off or...” She trailed her words as she walked into the room.

“That’s fine. Thanks.” Jac smiled, Fletch nodding his head and doing the same, waiting for her to go. She did, both Jac and Fletch looking at one another at the interruption.

“I’ll check on the kids.” He smiled, heading out of her room as she muddled through her wardrobe. She tried to search for the hoodie that she thought she’d packed, being warm usually eased the pain, but she couldn’t find it. She rolled her eyes at the realisation that Sacha must’ve taken it out when he packed for her, knowing it was ‘too grey’. She shrugged and chucked on a pair of joggers, feeling the cold of the duvet hit her back. “They’re all asleep.” He smiled as he came in a few moments later, his outfit changed into grey shorts and his zip-up hoodie, Jac nodding her head.

“Great.” She smiled, getting up and searching for a blanket.

“What are you doing?”

“Sacha took out my grey hoodie and being warm eases the creaking and the impulses so...” she explained, holding her hands out towards the room to emphasise the point.

“Here.” He said, unzipping his hoodie and holding it out for her.

“Really?” She asked, feeling the material against her skin.

“Mm, I have about four with me.”

“Well that’s a bit excessive.” She mumbled, tugging on the material.

“Uh, uh.” He paused, not letting her take it.

“Thank you.” She smiled, slightly falsely, slightly in gratitude as let her take it.

“I think I left my phone downstairs.” He grumbled, heading out as she untied the little button at the back of her shirt, repeating the same action with the buttons at the front. She zipped his hoodie to the middle of her collar bones, it sitting miles too big for her. It smelled like him, she thought, the way he always smelt, and she liked it. She clambered into bed, fiddling with the rings on her finger for a while as she waited for him to return. She didn’t know what she expected to happen when he got back, what he would do or say, she didn’t really care to be honest, she just wanted him there.

_I forgot my key._

The message flashed on her phone, startling her for a second before she read it, traipsing out of bed to unlock her door, doing it quietly so she wouldn’t wake the three girls. She watched him standing there with his boyish grin, he’d found a new hoodie to put on. Her eyes travelled to his hands, each one holding a lemon and sugar crepe, one for him, one for her. She didn’t have words, she just stood there with a grin on her face as he stepped inside. She didn’t have words, but there were three that she wanted to tell him so fucking badly.

* * *

* * *

 


	3. queen of hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [sorry that I haven't updated in a while, but because of that here is an extra long one. happy reading!]

 

“Dad?”

“Dad?”

“Da-“ It was the third time Evie called for Fletch that Jac finally woke up, turning her head to find that exact man fast asleep next to her. She smiled at him for a moment before she realised that they shouldn’t be here, not in the same bed.

“Fletch.” She whispered, tapping his shoulder violently before he turned to face her, a frown on his face.

“Dad!” Evie yelled again, Fletch’s eyes widening at the realisation.

“You need to go.” She whispered, watching his brain catch up with his location.

“But we didn’t do anything.” He mumbled, sitting up straight.

“They won’t know that.” She whispered, shoving him off. He was telling the truth, they didn’t do anything, in fact it was so platonic that it was embarrassing. They’d ended up eating their crepes in her bed, both of them laughing and talking about everything and anything until two in the morning when Fletch fell asleep first, Jac only moments later. They hadn’t dared attempt any sort of intimacy after the original interruption, both of them knowing that if the kids caught them it would make everything a lot more complicated.

“What do I do?” He whispered, watching her point to where he was sat, trying to get the message across that he should duck behind the bed. He raised his eyebrows in suspicion, both of them knowing that if there was someone watching them it would probably be really funny.

“Shh.” She hushed him, picking up her book from her bedside table as she heard a knock on her bedroom door. “Yes?”

“Have you seen Dad?” She asked her, Evie’s eyes scanning the room as she originally thought that was where he was.

“He said he went to save some sunbeds for us.”

“Oh.” She huffed, slightly disappointed in her findings. 

“I’ll be out in ten.” Jac smiled, standing up and looking at the bed, realising the other half looked suspiciously slept in, knowing that when Evie checked Fletch’s bed it would’ve been made up from yesterday.

“Okay.” She chirped, turning to the door. “Dad’s hoodie looks nice on you.” She said as she walked out, Jac freezing in her place, she could practically hear Evie’s smile as she left.

“That went well.” He whispered as he stood up, watching Jac bite her lip in uncertainty.

“Oh fucking fantastically.” She replied, seeing him lie on the bed. “Get up.”

“No.”

“The kids.”

“The kids will preoccupy themselves in my apartment and I’ll sneak out of your door and come back through mine in fifteen minutes.” He suggested, watching her mull over his plan in her head. “So will you just lie here until I go?” He asked, one hand outstretched against the bottom of her pillow. She shook her head gently, that meaning the opposite of her intentions as she rolled back onto the bed, his arm behind her neck.

“This is going to be difficult.” She sighed, turning her head to face him.

“I just don’t want us to get carried away and for the kids to get hurt.” He reasoned, his explanation being perfectly logical but also painfully irritating.

“Me neither. It just sucks.”

“It’ll be fine. We’re being normal.”

“Normal people who like one another would’ve kissed by now.” She huffed, folding her arms into her chest as she looked away from him.

“Technically we have already kissed.”

“Don’t go there.”

“You mean to the day where you ripped my heart out, stomped on it and left it there to die?” He chuckled quietly, looking at her frown.

“That doesn’t count.”

“Does it not?”

“No.” She pouted. It did take him every cell in his body to not kiss her then and there, but he didn’t want to start something he couldn’t finish, especially not with the kids next door.

“Well I don’t usually kiss until at least the second date.” He whispered, his breath tickling the side of her face.

“I don’t date.”

“Looks like we have a small issue on our hands then, doesn’t it, Ms. Naylor?”

“You’re annoying.” She huffed, feeling his arm move from under her as he stood up, opening the curtains to the view of the beach.

“Right, let’s see if I can get out of here unnoticed.”

“I don’t care.” She said, watching him turn around to face her with one eyebrow raised.

“Is that how it is?”

“Mm.” She hummed, avoiding eye contact with him which only led to him getting more frustrated. She felt the bed dip a little, slowly watching him clamber on top of her with his arms and legs either side of her body, his face inches from hers.

“I don’t want to rush or ruin anything, so be patient.” He whispered from above her, watching her focus on him completely. Realistically that wasn’t the reason at all, he wanted to be sure they wouldn’t get interrupted, he wanted to be sure that she was in it for not only herself, but the kids too. He had to be sure before he let her know how much he wanted to kiss her.

“I don’t do patience.”

“Oh I know.” He laughed, kissing her nose gently. “Just try.”

* * *

She hated to be patient, to wait for things to happen when that wasn’t in her nature whatsoever. She was a doer, she wanted things done and she wanted them now and done right. But this wasn’t a job, she supposed, this was something else. Feelings and kids and all the rest of it were involved and neither of them wanted to risk anyone getting hurt.

“Which sunbeds did you save, Dad?” Mikey asked, pointing to the crowds of people around the pool. He’d managed to sneak out of Jac’s room, sprint downstairs and then back up again before coming through his own door, it all going to plan.

“These ones.” He pointed to the row of seven all together. Jac and Fletch were on either end of the row to avoid suspicion and temptation, but of course to keep an eye on the kids. He took Theo and Emma to the kids day area after a while, knowing that it meant they could play all day and with other children, something both of them loved the idea of. He came back to find Mikey and Ella bickering over what they wanted to do for dinner, neither of them stopping when he sat down. He caught Evie in the corner of his eye sat on Jac’s sun bed, both of them reading and talking at the same time.

“That’s just not how it works.”

“That’s how it should work.” Jac mumbled, frowning at the teenager.

“We do it a different way.”

“But the answer’s still the same.”

“The answer doesn’t matter if you get the method wrong.”

“I think-“

“Jac!” She laughed, pointing to the maths book she was holding. “You can’t change the system.”

“The system’s stupid.” She huffed, grabbing the maths book and looking at it again. “You’d think after being a surgeon you’d be able to help a fifteen year old with their maths homework.”

“Should we do science instead?” She laughed, reaching back out for the book.

“No.” She snatched it away further, adamant that she would get it right before the day was over. She watched Mikey and Ella dive into the pool, Fletch only seconds behind as they all made a big splash and disgruntled the bystanders. She kept her eyes focused on the book, Evie moving back to her own sun bed next to Jac’s as she finished the other questions. He glanced at her every now and again, putting her glasses on as she tried to work out some of Evie’s questions with the ‘correct’ method. He watched her face turn from a frown to a grin once she’d done a few, Evie congratulating her and laughing at her excitement, the smile not wearing off for half an hour.

“What do you want to do for lunch?” He asked the kids as they all got out of the pool, Jac and Evie looking up.

“Can we go to the place we saw on the way here?” Evie asked, Fletch nodding and looking at Jac who was focusing on something and not paying attention.

“Oi?” He nudged her shoulder, watching her head snap up to his, her lip caught in between her teeth.

“Mmm?” She looked at them all dressed and ready to go.

“You coming for lunch?” He asked her, seeing her nod enthusiastically as she passed Evie’s maths book back, grabbing her stuff.

“Where are we going?”

“We saw this little place-“

“Jac Naylor!” A loud voice shouted from across the pool, all of them turning around abruptly to the sound.

“Dr. Webber?” She laughed, walking over to him as the kids and Fletch stood there awkwardly.

“How did you find last night?” He asked, his attire the complete opposite from last night as he stood shirtless in front of her.

“It was great.” She smiled, watching him nod his head. He was older than her by a few years, taller than what she had realised.

“A couple of us from the hospital groups would love to have lunch with you to discuss further options.” He said pointing to the men at one of the bars in the corner.

“I was just about to head to lunch with...” She pointed to Fletch and the kids who quickly turned their faces into smiles.

“Mr. Fletcher.” Doctor Webber identified him, walking towards him to shake his hand. “Are these your children?”

“Yeah.” He breathed, slightly confused as to how a man of such high esteem knew his name. His kids all smiled and waved at the tall man, him nodding at them all individually.

“Ms. Naylor was talking about your ideas to help with nursing staff to improve surgical outcomes.”

“Well yeah, it’s something we’ve been working on for a while, we just need the funding.” He smiled, nodding to Jac who raised her eyebrows in excitement.

“Well I’d think it would be great if you came along.”

“I have the kids...”

“Dad we can just sit at a different table.”Evie suggested, watching the older surgeon nod his head, leading the way to the bar. They sat there for a while, both Jac and Fletch being inundated with information, stats and figures, Fletch completely bewildered.

“I’ve spoken to Henrik Hanssen and he seems confident in your ability to improve the nursing and surgical rates in the hospital.” Another man said who he introduced himself later as Dr. Stevenson.

“Well our ideas were only for Darwin.” Fletch said, Jac nodding her head.

“Can they be adapted?"

“Possibly.”

“If you take a look at these figures for your ward comparing to three years ago.” They were presented with a mound of paper work, the nurse and surgeon taking a sharp intake of breath as they looked through, realising their rates had improved massively. “This is the sort of improvement we want to see for the whole hospital.”

“There’s only two of us.” Fletch said, wondering why Jac wasn’t talking. She looked perplexed over the figures, as though something didn’t sit right.

“Well that’s why we’re offering you a contract with the Holby and Mercy funding groups.”

“Really?” He asked, “What for?”

“More money to improve nursing staff and the facilities. More nurses means patients receive better treatment and recover better from surgery, therefore improving the hospital rates.”

“Okay.” He laughed, checking the paperwork as the man slid a figure and a sheet across the table. “With Henrik’s approval we can give you the contract now or you can mull it over.” Doctor Webber said, his eyes flickering between Fletch and Jac who was still running over the paperwork.

“Don’t sign it.” She said to Fletch, causing everyone to turn their heads. “The figures are wrong.”

“We’ve double checked them.”

“Well if my survival rate in 2017 was 86%, this says it has improved by 22% in the two years, that’s impossible.” She said, closing the file and swiping it across the table into the middle.

“Well we-“

“You’ve come under prepared. If that figure is wrong I won’t know if everything else is right. I’ll need everything sent back to me to Holby where we can go over it with Mr. Hanssen and the hospital attorney.”

“Ms. Naylor we are sorry, I thought-“

“I know.” She smiled, leaning back in her chair as she watch the kids looking at her. She felt bad for them, they’d been sat at the table for hours now. “We will take you up on the offer i’m sure, we just need the right evidence.”

“Okay.” Dr. Webber sighed, eyeing up his team who were squirming in their seats. “Whilst we wait for all that Mr. Fletcher would you mind coming along to the Nursing Summit and do a talk?”

“Sure!” He beamed as Jac smiled at him. “When?”

“Tonight. It’s at seven where the fundraiser was.”

“I haven’t prepared anything.” He mumbled, looking at Jac who nodded her head.

“I think it would be inspiring to see how you’ve made such improvements whilst working with a, if you don’t mind me saying Ms. Naylor, nutritiously demanding surgeon.” The statement caused Jac to partially roll her eyes knowing she still had to be polite.

“Alright.” He smiled, looking at the kids who had lost their smiles.

“We’ll get back to you.” Dr. Webber and Stevenson both said in their various ways, the others standing and walking off, leaving Jac and Fletch at the table with their half eaten food.

“Well then.” She finally said, “That’s that.”

“Mmm.” He mumbled, looking Jac who had rested her elbow on the table, her head resting on her hand.

“What a waste of...” she picked up her phone, looking at the time, “two hours?”

“Two hours?”He turned around and saw there was barely anyone there, looking back at Jac and then the children.

“It’s just gone four, I’ll get the kids.” She smiled, walking off behind him to get Theo and Emma whilst Fletch went to apologise to the older three, seeing Mikey who was nearly falling asleep.

* * *

She’d picked up Theo and Emma who were nearly falling asleep in her arms, both of them whispering quietly about their day. She laughed at their exhaustion, knowing she felt the exact same way. It dawned on her that Fletch might enlist his babysitter friend Janine with the kids, and part of her hoped desperately that he wouldn’t, that he had some sort of faith in her that she could look after five kids. She walked up the stairs slowly, feeling the twinge in her back from carrying the two toddlers. She huffed it away, fumbling with the key card into the slot as she heard shouting from inside.

“You said this was a family holiday.” Evie yelled, sitting on the sofa as Fletch stood in the middle of the room. They’d made more use of Jac’s side of the door considering her ‘room’ was bigger.

“It is.”

“So when you promised us game night, all of a sudden you won’t be there.”

“It’s an opportunity for me.”

“And what about us?” Evie shouted back, pointing to Ella and Mikey who were hunched over on the opposite sofa.

“We’ve got like eight more days.”

“And two more fundraisers, and a conference, and anything else that pops up like random lunches.” Ella yelled, Jac shutting the door quietly as she watched the chaos ensue.

“I’m not arguing with you anymore.” He huffed, walking to the large white door that separated the two rooms.

“Walk away, like always.” Evie sighed, wiping away the tears that sat on her cheeks.

“Evie, I’m not walking away I just-“

“Need to get ready. We get it, I just thought after mum and Raf you’d be here for us.” She bit, Jac watching Fletch recoil in pain.

“Woah Evie, let’s not-“ Jac butted in when she saw Fletch’s face, the hurt writing itself all over.

“No.” Fletch said, holding up a hand to Jac as he faced his daughter. “No.” With that he left, slamming the door behind him as he presumably went to get ready. She took one look at Evie, the girl noticing the disappointment covering Jac’s face before she left with the toddlers to their rooms. She ran a warm bath for them, watching them both paddle around in it as she opened the door to Fletch’s side in order to find some pyjamas for Theo. She found some, specifically dinosaur ones, and she walked back through his hallway, spotting Fletch who was stood in front of the mirror.

“Hey.” She whispered, resting her temple on the door frame.

“Hi.” He replied, turning around slowly.

“Emma and Theo are in the bath, they had dinner at the day centre so I’ll put them both to bed.”

“Okay.” He sighed, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt in frustration.

“Here.” She said, chucking the pyjamas down on the bed as she walked to him, her hands reaching out to his chest as she made contact with the material.

“I didn’t book the babysitter, I thought-“

“It’s fine.” She whispered, not moving from in front of him once she’d done. He smelt like he always did, she thought, but a little stronger since he was going out. She could see the hurt in his eyes, knowing that anything like that coming from his children would hurt him. “I’m gonna go. I don’t want them to drown one another whilst I’m not there.” She laughed quietly, forcing him to produce the smallest of smiles. She left slowly, picking up the pyjamas as she left, noticing that the other three kids had gone into their rooms.

“Where’s dad going?” Theo asked as Jac got him dried and dressed.

“He has to talk to a lot of important people.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s the best, and it means people will know he’s the best.” She smiled, tickling his tummy as he let out a big laugh.

“Can he say goodnight?” He asked as he clambered up next to Emma in the bed.

“I am sure he will. You might be asleep when he comes back though.” She whispered, running her hand through her daughter’s dusky blonde hair. “Are you tired?” She asked them, both nodding their heads as she turned off the main light.

“Can you take care of daddy?” The young boy asked as she was about to leave.

“What do you mean?”

“He seemed sad.”

“Well,” she paused, leaning closer to him, “do you want to know a little secret?”

“Mhm.” He hummed, his big eyes looking directly into hers.

“Your dad is the bravest person I know. He might even be braver than me.” She whispered, watching a smile creep onto his face.

“No one’s braver than you.”

“He might be.” She laughed, pressing a quick kiss onto both of their foreheads. “He will be fine.” She smiled, leaving the bedside lamp on and shutting the door.

“Thanks.” He whispered as a small smile crept on his face. His voice startled her, causing her to turn around a little too abruptly and pain to sear across her back.

“For what?” She grimaced slightly, regaining her posture and leaning on the wall.

“For telling my boy I’m brave.”

“Hmm.” She smiled, picking up her phone and looking at the time. “You need to go.”

“I know, but Evie and-“

“Go.” She said firmly, pointing to the end of the hallway where the door was. “I got this.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“I don’t know how to thank you.” He breathed, brushing the sleeves of his jacket.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” She whispered under her breath, they both knew exactly what she was eluding to, but neither of them brought it up. He felt his chest tighten to the idea of her in general, but to touch her or kiss her was nearly too much for him.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, but-“

“Mikey goes to bed at eight thirty, Ella at nine and Evie at ten.”

“How do you know?”

“So you think every time you phoned me once you’d put the kids to bed I wasn’t paying attention?”

“Mmm.” He hummed, it was interesting, she was interesting. He hadn’t thought about that time for a while, when they’d phone each other after work and talk about everything. Their relationship was stagnant then, their friendship was just that, a friendship, they both wanted to tell one another how much they cared, but neither of them did, so they just talked about anything else. He walked out the door, leaving her with the five kids, two asleep, three upset. She hadn’t thought this through, not properly, the game night, the crying, the arguing. The food. Oh crap, she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do for dinner. She’d already put the youngest two to bed, so she couldn’t go downstairs for dinner, so room service it was. She found her way to Mikey who was sprawled across his bed.

“I’m getting room service for dinner.” She said to the boy who turned at her voice, nodding his head.

“Can I just have a pizza please?” He asked, sitting up and facing her.

“Sure.” She smiled, turning around and walking out, taking a deep breath as she walked to her side, opening the door to Evie’s room. “What do you guys want for dinner from room service, pizza’s, a salad, a pasta-“

“Nothing.” Evie said interrupting her, lying on the same bed as Ella.

“Ella?” Jac asked slightly taken back from Evie’s attitude.

“No.”

“Okay.” She shrugged, closing the menu in her hands as she watched both girls look at one another. She knew that Fletch would ask them what was wrong, give them the attention that they want. Not Jac though, she knew that’s what they wanted and she wasn’t going to give in.

“Can I actually have a spaghetti bolognese?” Ella asked, turning around slightly to see Jac nod.

“Evie?” She asked again.

“I’ve already said I don’t want anything.” She bit, Jac’s patience wavering slightly.

“No but what you _need_ is to change your attitude.” She whispered, looking at the phone number on the back of the menu.

“You don’t get to tell me what I do or don’t need.”

“You don’t get to speak to your father the way you did.” She said as she left. Jac and Evie has always been close, minus a few arguments now and again, Evie looked up to Jac and always wanted her around. She knew she’d pushed it too far this time, she knew by the fact that Jac never got involved in family arguments, but this time she had.

Everything was silent for a while, Jac laid on her bed trying to sooth the light ache after she ordered the food, wondering whether it would be best if they all ate separately. Her thoughts were cut short by the doorbell ringing and a knock on the door forcing her to move, receiving a full tray of food. She yelled for the kids and Mikey and Ella bounded out, both of them in seemingly happier moods than earlier. She watched them both dive into their food as she waited patiently for Evie, knowing she probably wouldn’t come anyway.

“Everyone’s eating.” She said as she stood at the doorway of Evie’s room.

“I didn’t order anything.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not going to sit with the rest of us.”

“No.” She said, finally turning around to look at Jac.

“We aren’t going to argue about this.”

“I’m not hungry, I’m not sitting while you all eat.”

“You are.”

“Jac sometimes things don’t involve you.”

“And sometimes they do. And this does.”

“Why does it? Because you’re in love with my dad?” Her words caused Jac to recoil slightly in shock, trying to regain her composure.

“That’s not-“

“We all know, you don’t have to pretend. He loves you too.”

“Right but-“

“But you don’t understand. He promised us a week away from everything. From the reminders of mum and Raf.” Her words were slower now, less angry.

“I get it.” Jac replied, sitting on the bed opposite Evie.

“Jasmine?”

“And the mum thing.”

“Yeah, but you’re old and mum’s die when their children are old.”

“Mmm.” Jac said, squinting slightly at the age insult, trying to decide whether or not she should elaborate. “When I was twelve I went to a summer camp. When it finished my mum never picked me up. She had flown to India and left me. I was twelve.” She said, leaning towards Evie who had softened completely, slightly eager to get to know this side of Jac. “I was in four foster homes, one of them was particularly bad. I had no money, I put every effort into the shitty school and finally to university. She came back one day, she needed a kidney and I gave it to her. I was convinced that maybe, just maybe she wanted me back. She didn’t, she left and headed back to India. Before she left I found out I had a sister.”

“Jasmine.”

“Mmm.” She smiled, “The difference between you and me is that I never had a father, and certainly not one that loves you as much as your dad does. I didn’t have brothers or sisters or people to look up to. I was alone. But your dad is here, he put his career on hold for all of you, and partly for me. He'd do anything for you guys.”

“For you?”

“He doesn’t know I know about the meetings and chances to fly to countries to give nursing plans and talks at conferences. Like tonight. He stayed because I was in hospital. He stayed because you all needed him.”

“He’s good isn’t he.” Evie smiled, her eyes watering gently.

“He is. About the love thing-“

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“No I don’t mean that, just that love is a strong word.”

“Jac, I know. So do you, but I won’t mention it and one day in the future I’ll tell you I told you so.”

“Mmm.” She huffed, rolling her eyes. It took a lot for her not to burst into a smile then and there.

“I wish I’d ordered a-“

“Carbonara?” Jac asked, interrupting Evie. “I ordered you one.”

“You did?” She asked standing up, watching Jac do the same but slightly slower.

“I did.” There was nothing more said between the two, only Evie reaching out for a hug which Jac surprisingly didn’t resist. By the time they’d left the room the other two kids had finished their food, setting out the cards on the table. “What are you doing?”

“It’s family game night.” Mikey replied, shuffling the cards using his various techniques.

“I don’t play cards.” She huffed, sitting down opposite Evie who had tucked into her meal.

“But it’s family game night.” He whispered, holding out the cards with a small frown.

“You’re gonna have to teach me.” She said with her mouth half full, pointing her fork at him. He nodded excitedly, all four of them sat opposite one another, Mikey next to Jac and Evie next to Ella. They sat there for a while, Jac trying to keep up with the rules of a game that she didn’t understand. An hour had passed when she’d asked if they could move to her bed because her back was hurting, an idea they all liked the sound of. They’d all got changed, the kids into pyjamas and Jac into a pair of joggers and Fletch’s hoodie. No one mentioned what she was wearing, but they all knew. Jac sat next to Evie whilst the younger two rested against the bottom of the bed, Mikey acting as the dealer in their game. There were few words said between them, only bouts of laughter and Jac huffing in defeat. “That’s not fair.” She sighed, resting her head on the headboard as she kept her cards close to her chest.

“Yes it is.” Mikey laughed, placing a card down. 

“You didn’t tell me you could do that.” She revoked, folding her arms and furrowing her eyebrows. 

“I can’t tell you ALL the rules in one night.”

“Hmm.” She sighed suspiciously, placing another card on the white duvet. Evie let out a loud laugh as she revealed she only had one card left, all of them immediately silencing when they heard the hotel door open. “Oh no.” She whispered, looking at her phone. “Oh, no.”

“What?” Evie whispered back, all the kids paying attention.

“It’s eleven.” Her words alone caused Mikey to bring all the cards together, forming a semi-neat pile.

“Dad’s gonna kill you.” Evie laughed, covering her mouth with her hand as she did so. They all knew it was way past their bedtime - something Fletch was always quite serious about.

“Hmm.” She paused, knowing it would be about ten seconds before he came into her room. “Just pretend to be asleep.” She whispered as they all looked at her, cocking their eyebrows and grins appearing on their faces. “Now.” She demanded, Evie ruffling under the covers next to Jac as Mikey and Ella curled up into balls, all of them trying not to laugh.

“Jac where-“ Fletch said, opening the door to reveal three of his kids and Jac curled up in bed. He stood there for a moment, undoing his tie as he walked over, running his hand onto Mikey’s shoulder. “Oi.” He whispered, shaking him awake gently causing Ella to also ‘wake up’.

“Oh, hi dad.” Mikey whispered, pretending to yawn as he rose from his curled position.

“Bed.” He pointed to the door, “How long have you been asleep for?”

“A while.” Ella nodded, trying to conceal her smile.

“Right, get to bed.” He smiled, giving them both hugs before they walked out leaving just Evie and Jac in the bed.

“Dad?” Evie asked, sitting up and looking at him over Jac.

“Hey.” He smiled, placing his tie on the dresser behind him.

“How was the talk thing?” She asked as she shuffled off the bed.

“Good.”

“I, uh-“ she paused as she walked to face him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said earlier.”

“It’s fine.” He smiled slightly, undoing the top button of his shirt.

“No, Jac spoke to me and-“

“Jac said what?” He asked interrupting her.

“She told me about how she didn’t have anyone when she was my age, and I’m lucky to have you, and I am. So I’m sorry.” She reasoned, reaching her arms out to hug him.

“Okay.” He smiled properly, embracing his daughter.

“Did you know about her mum?” Evie whispered, forgetting that Jac wasn’t actually asleep.

“I do.”

“She’s so badass. I want to be like her.”

“Who?” He asked, slightly confused as to whether his daughter was referring to Jac or Jac’s mother.

“Jac, duh.” She laughed, resting her head on his chest. “Can you promise me something?”

“I can try.”

“Don’t leave Jac.”

“I don’t-“

“Whether that means as friends or more, and we all know it’s more,” she laughed lightly, “I want her around forever.”

“Me too.” Their voices were a lot quieter, neither of them paying attention to Jac who was watching them slightly, trying to refrain from smiling or letting out any other emotion that she was currently feeling.

“She even played cards with us.”

“Now you’re lying.” He said as they walked out of Jac’s room, Evie insisting that it was true. She rolled from her position and stood at the side of the bed, trying to find her glasses. She propped herself on her knees on the bed, looking around as a warmth grew in her chest that she was unfamiliar with. She couldn’t decide whether this was too much for her, that she would, in the end, hurt them all, herself included. She knew she might not though, that there was a possibility that somewhere down the line, things could go right for her and that somewhere down the line could be right here, right now. She shrugged the thoughts away knowing that Fletch didn’t want to take things any further until he was confident it was right for his children, that they were both capable of doing it. She was, she knew she would give everything to him and that he wouldn’t take anything from her. He wouldn’t take or undermine her success, he wouldn’t want her to stop working early mornings and late nights, he wouldn’t want her to change for him or because of him. That’s what made this so god damn hard, that he was just that little bit too perfect to the point where she didn’t know how to handle him. That was a lie though, he was so easy with her. She knew exactly how to ‘handle’ him and she never had to try, they just were, they were just there for one another and they cared for one another without even thinking about it.

“What are you doing?” He asked as he walked back into her room, seeing her kneeling on the white duvet as she looked around the room.

“Oh I can’t find my glasses.” She breathed, sitting on her ankles as she succumbed to defeat.

“They’re here.” He whispered, picking them up from the top of the dresser next to his tie.

“Oh, thanks.” She smiled, witnessing him coming closer to her. He’d changed, no longer in his shirt and trousers but joggers and another one of his infamous hoodies that was zipped up. “How did the talk go?”

“It was interesting.” He paused, looking at her in one of his hoodies. It was miles too big for her, the arms falling inches below her hands. “Lots of questions about how nursing has changed, about Darwin, about team work, about you, about the future of nursing.” He sighed. He’d been talking for hours, questions after questions were rolling in and he didn’t want to stop, although he did want to get back to the kids.

“What about Darwin?” She asked as she received the glasses from him, propping them on her face so she could see him better.

“How it compares to other cardio wards and what it’s future looks like.” He shrugged, standing over her slightly.

“And me?”

“You seem to have a reputation for being incredibly demanding and difficult.” He laughed, moving a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“That’s not true.” She huffed, folding her arms across her body when she knew full well it was true, and she loved that people thought that of her.

“You also have the reputation for being the best.”

“Is that so?” She asked, but again she knew, after the fundraising event and the job offers and the money and by being told flat out that she was the best surgeon in her home country, she knew she was the best.

“Apparently, but I don’t see it.”

“Shut up.” She laughed, hitting his chest gently, it not hurting him in the slightest since it was cushioned by the over-sized material falling below her fingertips.

“You spoke to Evie?” He breathed quietly, watching her sitting on her knees from her ankles, still a few inches shorter than him despite being on the bed.

“I did.”

“You played cards with my kids?”

“I did.” With each word he moved closer to her until Fletch’s knee hit the bed gently, indicating that this was his limit.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Because you hate kids with attitude?”

“Because I care.” She mumbled, the words not coming out as smoothly as she would’ve hoped.

“What was that?”

“Because I care.” She repeated, the words still not as fluid and as confident as they sounded in her head.

“See I can’t quite hear you.” He teased, cocking his head to the side.

“I care.” She said again, this time louder.

“Mmm, I heard you the first time.” He grinned, his same old boyish grin appearing. “So you care?”

“I do. Just a little bit though because your children are _really_ annoying, but Mikey wanted to play cards so he had to teach me and then we argued about the rules and I just-“ He shut her up by stooping his neck and attaching his lips to hers, waiting for her to reciprocate. She did, her fingers finding their way to the back of his neck as they moved slowly with one another. He pushed her back gently, forcing her to move her legs from under her as her back hit the bed, him now resting above her, neither of them separating. “Thought you didn’t kiss until the second date?” She laughed once they came up for air.

“Oh, yeah.” He remembered his lie, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “Bit late now.”

“Apparently.” She smiled, feeling him press another kiss to her lips as his fingers traced her jawline. She brought him back down to her, pressing another kiss, followed by another, their teeth making gentle contact due to the grins that had appeared on their faces. His eyes darkened at the sight of her below him, both of them breathing shallow breaths, calmly and quietly. He kissed her gently again, finding her way to her jawline and her neck, each kiss leaving a gentle imprint of him there. She let out a quiet moan at his movements, feeling the heat rise in her belly as his hands moved to her waist. She felt him pause for a moment, whimpering at the lack of him on her skin, feeling his hands move behind her back.

“What?” He asked himself, revealing his hand from under her.

“Oh.” She laughed, witnessing the Queen of Hearts in his hand, Mikey must’ve left one.

“I think that’s a sign.” He mumbled as he rolled off of her, finding his pillow.

“No.” She begged, knowing that if they continued only one thing would ensue, and they couldn’t do that with five kids only separated by thin walls. She shuffled around so that her head rested on her pillow, both of them facing one another.

“How about the beach tomorrow?” He asked, watching her bite her lip in questioning thought.

“Okay.” She nodded, wondering how normal it would be if she laid there with her t-shirt on, knowing she didn’t want to reveal the scar. “What about the kids…and us.”

“It’s up to you.” He suggested, moving his head so that he was looking at the ceiling.

“What is?”

“If you want them to know.”

“Know what?” She asked, egging him on to reveal their current situation, what they were to one another.

“That I kiss you every now and again.” He laughed, doing exactly that.

“And how do we explain that you don’t kiss other people.”

“Is this you becoming possessive?”

“Shut up.” She huffed, hitting him on the chest.

“We can just slowly ween it in.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” She asked, cocking her head to one side.

“I don’t know.” He yawned, shaking his head. “But I am too tired to think about it right now.”

“If you say so.” She yawned, covering her face with both of her hands in exhaustion. She looked at him as he laid there with his eyes closed and arms down by his side, wondering how he’d feel if she just laid into him, wrapping her hands around his body.  She didn’t, she laid by herself in the same position, wondering how on earth they’d finally got here.

“Are you sleeping like that?” He asked, causing her to turn and face the man who still had his eyes closed but a gentle frown forming.

“Like what?”

“There.”

“On the bed? Would you like me to sleep on the floor?” 

“No.” He huffed, ignoring her sarcasm as he raised his arms above his head. “Here.” He pointed to his body, waiting to feel the weight of her head on his chest.

“Are you serious?” She laughed, rolling over so that she was on her stomach, her head just below his.

“Mmhm.” He acknowledged, opening his eyes to peck her lips once before she moved onto her side, her body under his arm. “Goodnight.” He whispered as he wiggled gently, his chin propped by her head.

“Goodnight.” She smiled, one arm resting over the grey material of his hoodie, the other under his pillow as their legs tangled with one another. It was, it had been a good night.

* * *

* * *

 


	4. trust me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters, especially the ending. Thank you for being so patient with the update, I have a lot going on but writing is really helping. Enjoy x

_“So what is it like working with Jac Naylor then?”_

_“Well,” he breathed, staring into the crowd of doctors and nurses, “I once described her as a rottweiler. She’s impatient, loud, assertive, authoritive, demanding and things only go one way. Her way.” His words caused the members in the audience to laugh, each of them nodding their heads in understanding. “But,” he paused, holding his hand up, “I love it. She is probably the most determined person I have ever met. The average person doesn’t go through what she has and still strives for excellence. You’ve all seen what she’s doing - it’s groundbreaking. She was always an amazing surgeon, and now she’s the best. The best cardiothoracic surgeon. So to answer your question,” he paused again, standing still for the first time, “It’s the best thing in the world. Working with Ms. Naylor is exciting, it’s inspiring, it’s incredible. She’s exciting, inspiring and incredible, working with her is the best part about my job.”_

“Are you awake?” He whispered as he looked at her below him, her ginger hair sprawled across the grey material of his hoodie and falling onto the white of the duvet. She had pulled the white linen material up to her neck, it covering her mouth slightly. Her arm was still wrapped around his body, the other had fallen down under her side, bent under his back in a position most would probably find uncomfortable. His fingers traced up and down her arm, tucking under the duvet and then back out again, waiting for her to respond.

“No.” She mumbled, shuffling gently and deepening her head into his chest, a surge of warmth running through them both. This was what they had both been waiting for, to wake up holding one another, knowing that they both cared, that they were both okay.

“Oh.” He whispered, holding her a little tighter against his body, “How about now?”

“Fletch,” she breathed, furrowing her eyebrows, “shhh.” She hushed him, hearing him let out a gentle chuckle. 

“It’s half seven.”

“The kids won’t be awake yet.”

“They’re always awake at this time.” She didn’t respond, trying to figure out how to tell him that his three eldest didn’t go to bed until eleven and therefore probably wouldn’t be up for at least another hour.

“Well Theo and Emma where exhausted.” She shrugged, still not moving her head from his chest.

“And the other three?”

“They were tired as well.”

“Hmmm,” he paused, it all sounding a bit odd to him, “you guys weren’t really asleep were you?”

“Mmm.” She hummed, tapping her fingers on his side.

“What does that mean?”

“We got carried away playing cards and we didn’t know what to do when we heard you come back so we pretended to be asleep.”

“Did you get my kids to lie to me?”

“Yes.” She said, sitting up slightly so she was now facing him, her face bare and the freckles creating a dot-to-dot on her face. “But it was for a good reason.”

“And what’s that?”

“We were having fun and I didn’t want you to be annoyed.” 

“You and the kids are going to cause me a lot of grief aren’t you.” He sighed, admiring her beauty in the morning light. They had never closed the blinds so the room was as light as midday, Fletch being able to see each of her imperfections, the freckles, the shadow of her cheekbones, he could see all of her. He marvelled in her beauty for a moment, watching her face creep into a closed smile, everything about her becoming brighter.

“Probably.” She said, pecking his lips gently before shrugging back down, turning away so that her back was pressed against his abdomen.

“Is this you going back to sleep?” He questioned as he watched her move her own pillow under her neck, her shoulder below it on the mattress.

“Yes,” she breathed, the cold of that side of the bed feeling unfamiliar, “I think we have at least another hour.”

“Okay.” He whispered, rolling onto his side and wrapping his arm over her body. “I thought you didn’t like to lie in?” He was right, she was always awake before the sun rise, always dressed and showered before half seven, always at work at least an hour before she needed to.

“I don’t.” She murmured as she felt herself drifting back to sleep. “I just like this.”

“Me too.” He mumbled as he pressed a soft kiss to her neck, moving her hair out of his face so he could rest on her pillow, her body against his as she fell back into unconsciousness, Fletch doing the same since they knew they’d have to separate before the kids found them. That wasn’t their main concern right now though, they were warm, and they were together, and everything else could wait for a while.

* * *

“You should probably get up.” She whispered after a while, both of them awake yet neither of them talking.

“But I don’t want to.” He huffed, letting his arm fall from her body as he rolled onto his back.

“Well that’s too bad.” She laughed, standing up and running a hand through her hair. She rested her back against the dresser, watching him cover his face with both of his hands before he rolled again, standing up and making the bed. He couldn’t believe his luck, not really. He’d woken up with Jac, he’d woken up with the one person he loved more than he ever thought he could.

“Jac if dad is in there please can you tell him to come out.” Evie said from the door, knocking on it gently before she spoke.

“Evie you can come in.” She laughed, Fletch moving away from the bed and leaning on the wall.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to see-“

“Evie, you can come in.” Fletch repeated, rolling his eyes at his daughter and what she was insinuating.

“Okay.” The young girl breathed, opening the door to see the two adults on either side of the room, both of them fully dressed and awake. “Oh.” She mumbled, “I thought dad slept here.”

“And why would you think that?” Jac laughed, catching a glimpse of Fletch who had cocked his head in slight amusement at his daughter.

“Well I just-“ She stuttered, a blush creeping up to her cheeks.

“I was asking Jac if she wanted to go to the beach.” Fletch laughed, shaking his head and moving from around the bed.

“Ah.” Evie sighed, slightly disappointed that things hadn’t completely progressed the way she would have hoped for the figures standing in front of her. “Well can one of you make breakfast because we’re starving.” 

“Pancakes are coming right up.” Fletch said, watching Evie smile as she left the room, Fletch beginning to follow her out.

“I can cook.” Jac shrugged, trying her hair up in a ponytail that fell to below her shoulders.

“No you can’t.” He laughed, grabbing his tie that was still laid on her dresser. She squinted her eyes at him, slightly insulted at the fact that he thought she was domestically incapable, but she shrugged it off knowing that he was right, she couldn’t cook.

“You know, I think the kids want this more than we do.” She laughed, pointing to the both of them, referring to their label-less relationship.

“Speak for yourself.” He mumbled, kissing her once before he turned and walked to the kitchen, leaving her with a smile.

“How do you expect to make pancakes when we have no food?” She followed him out, witnessing him turn around with his lips parted in a slack ‘O’.

“Oh crap.”

“Mmhm.” She laughed, hearing the noise of five children dashing towards them. Emma was leading the pack, clambering into Jac as she picked her up, cuddling into her neck.

“We need to go shopping.”

“Well how do we do that with five kids?”

“I can take Emma and Theo to the day centre again since they liked it and then we can all go.” He suggested, both Emma and Theo nodding with the mention of the fun they had yesterday.

“Okay.” Jac nodded, pressing a kiss to Emma’s forehead. They all got showered and dressed, Fletch doing as he said and running the youngest two to the day play-centre that was apparently included in the bill. She hugged Emma before they went, Theo butting his way in and demanding one too, Jac obliging before they left.

“Are we ready?” Fletch shouted as he walked back in to see Evie and Ella putting on their shoes, Mikey trying to find his earphones that he had dumped somewhere and Jac walking through with her card in one hand and the key card and phone in the other. He watched her move, her hair was back down now and she was wearing a black dress that tied around her waist, ending above her knees and it had a collar that rested flat against the material of her dress revealing more of her chest than she had ever exposed. He forced himself to look away, just like he did the first night, directing his eyes towards the children who were standing in front of them, all ready to go.

“I think so.” She mumbled, tracing her thumb across the back of her phone. She didn’t do handbags - only for work and even then it was nothing dainty or cute, just a bag she could stuff patient files and clothes in. So she carried her credit card in one hand, passing him the room key, realising she had no idea where the supermarket was.

“There’s one down the road.” He smiled, receiving the key card and sliding it into his pocket as he practically read her mind.

“Right then.” She breathed, slipping on a pair black thin sandals before they left. Evie and Ella were teasing Mikey about something as they walked ahead, Jac and Fletch a few steps behind.

“What are you doing?” He asked as he peaked his head towards her hands, she was typing stupidly fast on her phone.

“Making a list of what we need.”

“No.” He breathed, snatching it from her and pressing the little button on the side as the screen immediately turned black, Jac’s eyebrows furrowing in frustration.

“What?”

“Live in the moment.” He grinned, stuffing her phone in his back pocket.

“And if we forget something?”

“Then we forget something.” He reasoned, looking down at her as she rolled her eyes.

“Well I’m going to need that back.”

“Okay.”

“Like, now.” She demanded, holding her hand out for him to pass it back to her.

“No.”

“You’re really irritating aren’t you.”

“I am.” He nodded, his boyish grin forcing her to smile back, rolling her eyes as she shoved her shoulder into his arm, feeling him do the same back. To the outsiders it would have been an odd interaction, two grown adults shoving one another with no excitement or enthusiasm, just a sense of calm and happiness - something neither of them had properly felt in a while. “Take a left here.” He said to the kids in front of them, Evie turning around a few minutes later to find her father and Jac in a deep conversation. She smiled at them both, Jac rolling her eyes at Fletch as he laughed at her. This was what his kids had wanted for a while, after their mum and Raf, Jac had stepped in, she had been a support system for them and for Fletch no matter what she was going through. The kids had known that the nurse and surgeon loved one another before they even knew themselves.

“I love the supermarket!” Ella beamed as she grabbed a trolley with help from Evie, rushing through the automatic doors.

“Is this like a thing, your kids just being excited all the time?” Jac asked as they followed all three kids in.

“Kind of.” He laughed, feeling the cold air of the supermarket surround him. She laughed as she watched Mikey stand on the wheels of the trolley, using one leg to push off and zoom up the aisle, Evie chasing him with everything that they needed, Ella joining in when she could. All Jac could hear was laughter and she knew that Emma would love to join in, that being an only child didn’t really suit Emma anyway. She had to stop thinking that way, they weren’t in a relationship, they’d slept in a bed together for two nights, she knew that this was not something she could rush, she couldn’t fuck it up, she wouldn’t.

“Have we got everything?” Evie asked, she hadn’t realised that the trolley was nearly overflowing with food and drinks, Jac’s eyes widening as she knew that this was going to cost more money than she would have hoped.

“I think so.” Fletch said, looking at Jac who nodded briefly before pausing.

“Do you think they sell those double caramel magnums?” She asked, looking at Fletch who tried to conceal his smile.

“I saw them earlier.” Evie said, walking off with the two younger kids to try and find them.

“What?” She asked Fletch who had taken a step towards her.

“I didn’t peg you for liking ice creams, especially not double caramel ones.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Mr. Fletcher.” 

“Is that so?” He whispered, flicking a strand of hair that laid on her shoulder to behind it. She was forced to lift her chin to look at him, he was quite a bit taller than her and that alone made butterflies soar throughout her stomach.

“Mmm.” She hummed, looking directly at him. “You know you can’t kiss me.” She whispered, resting her hand on his chest.

“Why is that?” He asked, frowning slightly at their close proximity, wanting to elaborate and tell her that all he wants is for this to be a thing, for her to turn around and kiss him whenever because she’s his girlfriend. _How was he going to approach that one?_ He asked himself, shrugging off the thought as she spoke again.

“Because your kids are going to come back any second now.” She sighed, removing her hand and walking over to the trolley.

“That’s unfair.”

“Tell me about it.” She threw her head back gently in frustration, wondering how long it would be before things could happen, and at this point she wasn’t even thinking about kissing in public, it was more the private aspects of a relationship she was wondering about.

“Got them.” Evie said, Ella and Mikey dashing round the corner. “I got the ones on sticks and also a tub.” She shrugged, balancing them on the trolley as they walked to the tills. Jac thanked her, following them to the tills as Fletch wandered behind, grazing his fingertips along her side, the material being softer than what he’d expected. By the time they’d unloaded the shopping and it had all been processed, the kids were bagging and dumping them back into the trolley, the price being said to Jac and Fletch who both stared at the cashier dumbfoundedly.

“Right.” Jac said, holding her card in her hand.

“No, I’ll pay.” Fletch said, moving her hand away from the card machine.

“No.” She said, shoving him and waving her card in his face, “I’ll pay for this.”

“No, I’ll take this one.”

“Fletch.”

“Jac.”

“How long have you two been married?” The lady laughed in her Spanish accent, there was a hint of British in her voice, neither of them focusing on that though.

“Oh we aren’t-“

“Yeah we aren’t even together-“

“Like not-“ They both stammered, the children raising their eyebrows at their immediate change of composure.

“Ha!” Fletch yelled as he shoved his card into the machine, tapping his pin in before Jac even realised. “I won.” He laughed, nodding at the cashier as they left.

“Well you just lost like two hundred and fifty euros, so I’m not sure you can claim victory.” She laughed in response, slightly irritated that he had won in a way, slightly pleased that she hadn’t had to pay for it all. 

“Shhh.” He hushed, sticking his tongue out at her as she did the same back, both of them channelling their inner six-year-olds.

“You’re both weird.” Mikey laughed, nudging Jac who shot him a disapproving frown before she cracked a small smile, all of them walking back to the hotel. Jac had engaged in some pointless conversation with Evie, the two of them laughing at one another as the other three walked behind, Fletch admiring the sense of satisfaction he got from seeing Evie get along with Jac. She was the only one he had doubts about, Evie had always been protective of her family and he knew she would be the same with Jac, but she wasn’t phased, Evie knew Jac only had good intentions with her family. So he watched the encounter until they reached the room, all of them dumping their stuff in the kitchen as Fletch took action on what he said he would do - make pancakes.

“Do you want some?” He asked her, Jac shaking her head slowly as he watched him plate two pancakes for each child, saving one for himself. “Why?” He asked with his mouth half full, they were standing in the kitchen whilst the kids ate at the table in the other room.

“Gross.” She laughed, she had an obsession with chicken salad and that was it. She normally skipped breakfast anyway and today was no different.

“You’re boring.”

“Shut up.”

“Go and get ready for the beach.” He pointed to their room. They still hasn’t got over the fact that their rooms were more like apartments, bedrooms, a living room, a dining room, a kitchen - they wondered who was paying for it all when the exact reason they were here was to get more money since the NHS was always struggling.

“I am.”

“You’re wearing that?”

“Is there something wrong with it?” She asked. She normally didn’t care what she looked like, not in front of Fletch anyway, but the idea that he might not like it played on her mind.

“No,” he paused, “it’s the beach, like bikini’s and shorts and things.” He mumbled, watching her shake her head as he spoke.

“Mmm.” That was her response before she walked out. There was no way that she was going to wear a bikini, not for the fear that someone might pick up on her scar or judge her for it. She had spent the last year in intense physio, which she was grateful for because she lost all the weight she had put on from being in hospital, and she was happy with the rest of her body. It was just the scars and the pain.

For a while no one did anything, the kids had entertained themselves and Fletch was tidying everything away whilst Jac laid on the bed. There was no noise anywhere, it was quiet and everyone was complacent - it was weird to feel after the last two years that they all had.

“Dad are we going to the beach?” Mikey asked his father, Fletch nodding and looking at his kids who were waiting for an answer.

“Jac are you coming?” Fletch yelled, hearing no response he got his shoes on, ready to walk out the door.

“Yeah.” She breathed as she wandered out in the same outfit as before. Her composure had changed, though. She’d lost her smile and her brightness that she had this morning, as though someone had told her a patient had died. That was Fletch’s first thought, although he shrugged the thought off when he saw the way she walked, like she was uncomfortable. The kids continued their same routine, laughing at something inconspicuous and making fun of one another.

“You okay?” He asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Fletch.” She warned, running her hand through her hair as they arrived at the beach, none of them saying anything. They’d all grabbed some towels and found sunbeds, Fletch moving them all around.

“Can I sit next to Jac?” Evie asked Fletch who shook his head slowly.

“Can you sit in the middle of Ella and Mikey?” She nodded in response, raising an eyebrow at his decision but dropping it, knowing her father always had his reasons. Mikey and Ella didn’t stay on the sunbeds for long, within ten minutes they had started building sandcastles and Evie was nose-deep in her book. “Come with me.” He said to Jac after half an hour had passed, the clock ticking past midday.

“Where?”

“Just for a walk.” He shrugged, sitting up and turning to face her.

“And the kids?”

“Evie can handle them.”

“Well I’m reading right now.” She huffed, watching him frown as she turned back to her book.

“Let’s go.” He said, standing up this time, commanding her to follow him. She rolled her eyes, his voice was more stern and important so she obliged, nodding at Evie who shot her a small smile.

“Where are we going?” She asked after he picked up his t-shirt and scrunched it in his hand. She had to drag her eyes away from his body every time she looked at him, it was clear that he had been going to the gym or had done some sort of regular exercise. It was very clear.

“To the sea.” He pointed to the line of blue that could be made out from the line of yellow sand below.

“No.” She shook her head, still walking next to him, the hot sand beginning to burn the bottom of her bare feet.

“Yep.”

“I’m not going in the sea.”

“Why?”

“Because look what I’m wearing.” She huffed, pointing to the same black dress as earlier.

“You’re wearing a bikini underneath.”

“No I’m not.”

“You are.” He had caught a glimpse of the ties behind her neck when she put on her shoes in the hotel room. He had figured it out, slowly, why she wasn’t herself, or why she wasn’t as happy as she was this morning. There was a sensitivity about her when it came to her back, to her scar, or scars, there was something about them that made her vulnerable. It was odd to see her like that, vulnerable, but it was worse for her, there was nothing she hated more than feeling weak - nothing.

“Fletch, please.” She sighed as the water ran over her feet, soothing them from the sand.

“Look, I’m going in. You don’t need to take off your dress or whatever.” He had made a promise to himself that he wasn’t going to show sympathy, he wasn’t going to pity her or empathise with her because she didn’t want that, he just didn’t know what it was exactly that she _did_ want from him in this situation.

“So you’re just going to leave me here?”

“Well you can either walk back to the kids or join me.” He said as he threw his t-shirt on the soft sand, “Or you can stand there like a weirdo.”

“Weirdo?” She rolled her eyes as she watched him walk into the sea slowly, turning around and facing her as his stomach dipped under the water. “Lovely.”

“Made your mind up yet?” He shouted, aware that the beach was full of people and some of them were probably watching the odd encounter. She watched him for a while as she weighed up her options. She was never a massive fan of the sea, but there was something about the defeat of not getting in that made her take a step forward. And then another one. Followed by another one. They were slow and she couldn’t look at him whilst she did it, all she knew was that the scar and the shooting was something she never let ruin things for her, and it wasn’t going to start now. “Wait you’re coming in?” He said as he watched her walk to where the sea rose to her knees. Half of him had believed she would turn around and walk away, that he would have caused a distance between them because if it. She didn’t respond, he could see her toying with the idea of taking another step, but she did, and she continued to do so. By the time she was a few feet away from him the water was up to her waist, her dress beginning to float under the surface.

“You know I hate you, right?” She whispered as she took a final step, she was immediately closer to him because he moved towards her too, forcing her to look up at him.

“I know.” He smiled, finding the inside of her wrist with his thumb as he bent down so that their faces were directly lined up.

“I haven’t done….this in a while.” She breathed. Before the shooting she would take Emma swimming every weekend that she had her and sometimes after school during the week. She hadn’t done that since the shooting, she couldn’t bring herself to expose any part of her body to anyone, not even to herself.

“Well it isn’t as cold as I thought it would be.” He smiled as he watched her hands reach for the button of the dress. “You don’t have to.” He mumbled, watching her hand shake as she untucked one button from the material on the other side of her chest.

“No, uh-“ she paused, taking a quick look at the people around her. No one was watching her, not like she had thought in her head, glaring eyes and questioning looks, they all had children or families or thoughts of their own that consumed them, “I’m okay.” So she did, slipping the dress off slowly as it floated next to her for a while. His eyes didn’t move off of hers, he wasn’t going to scan her body or watch her no matter how hard it was not to, he just looked at her face.

“You‘re wearing makeup.” He huffed, squinting at her as she recoiled her head back. The ends of her hair were under water now, her collarbones just peaking out.

“What?” She asked, tilting her head in insecurity, “How can you tell?”

“Because I can’t see your freckles.” He reasoned, her features softening at the possible compliment.

“You can’t even see my freckles normally.

“You can.” He defended, tapping the back of her arm so that she would take a step closer to him. “You have loads all dotted around and then really dark ones on your nose and under your eyes, they’re my favourite ones.”

“Is that right?” She had forgotten about her back being exposed to anyone who could see underwater, his eyes focused directly on hers, they didn’t waver or move from her face and she was grateful that they didn’t, she wasn’t sure how he would react when he saw the deep indentations of scar tissue and the marks from the stitches that were dotted around her front and back.

“How would you-“ He stopped his sentence pretty quickly after he began to speak, shutting his mouth and pursing his lips.

“What?” She asked him, bringing her hand up to the top of his shoulder.

“No, it doesn’t matter - I mean it does, but-“

“Just say it.”

“What’s your opinion on girlfriend? Or like-“ He stopped again, rolling his eyes at his childish inability to say the words that he wanted to.

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

“Only if that’s something you’d consider.”

“I’ll consider it.” She breathed, a small smile creeping on her face. “But last night you said we’d ‘ween the kids in slowly’, and now this?”

“Right.” He nodded, “I haven’t done this before. Not since Natalie, so I don’t really know how to approach it. All I know is that I really like you and my kids _really_ like you.”

“But us, all at once, won’t that throw them off?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” They stood in silence for a while, both of them wondering how they were going to approach this situation.

“Let’s just not think about it. What happens, happens.” Jac said after a while, taking a step closer towards Fletch who nodded his head.

“So is this you considering?”

“No.” She said, tracing her thumb down the side of his neck. “I’ve already considered.” Before he could reply she had attached her lips to his, feeling his body sink into her. He moved his hands to either side of her cheeks, avoiding contact with her body in case she were to recoil from him.

“How did we end up here?” He asked as she pulled away, feeling him grip her again gently, his hand slowly intertwining with hers.

“I don’t know.” She looked at him, still crouched under the water he was taller than her, his features were soft and his eyes were brighter than what they had seemed for a while, “All I know is it took us a really fucking long time.”

They stayed there for a while, talking about the fact that she was told she would have to do an interview at some point. He laughed at the idea, Jac Naylor sitting in front of cameras and answering questions when she was normally the one giving orders seemed odd. Tonight was the last night they had free before the conference all day tomorrow so they headed back to the kids before they either ran away or someone stole them.

“Where’s my dress?” She asked, floating her hands to the surface as she looked around.  
“Oh crap.” He sighed, both of them doing a 360 to see if they could spot it. They couldn’t, somehow it had floated away. “It’s fine you can just wear my t-shirt.” He said as he watched her bite her lip, she’d taken it too far, taking the dress off and standing in her bikini when she probably wasn’t ready to do that.

“Okay.” She sighed, moving behind him so that he would walk out first, unable to look at her body. He obliged, grabbing her hand regardless as he stretched his arm behind him. He grabbed the t-shirt from the sand, grateful that it was still there otherwise that would have been a whole other situation, passing it behind him. He felt her hand drop from his but he continued to walk, not wanting to draw attention to her. “Thank you.” She whispered, taking a few larger steps so that she was back to his side.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t really fit me now anyway.” He smiled, looking down at her in his white t-shirt. It was miles too big for her, he’d realised that all his clothes were. He’d forgotten how small she actually was, her personality and her success seemed to elude her own physicality.

“No, I mean about the whole getting me to get in the ocean thing.” She mumbled, grabbing his hand again.

“Well it was a 50/50 chance really.” He laughed, kissing her on the top of her head as they walked up the beach, trying to spot the kids. He managed to find them slightly left of where they thought, a lady sat next to Evie as the youngest two continued to build their sandcastles. It wasn’t until they had got a bit closer that they realised the lady was Janine, the ‘babysitter’ from the beginning of the trip. As he saw her Fletch let go of Jac’s hand, bringing his own to run through his hair.

“I didn’t realise he had a girlfriend.” Janine said to Fletch’s daughter, Evie nodding her head.

“Who?” Fletch asked, standing behind them with a smile on his face. Jac had stayed a step behind him, aware that she was the one that told him they’d just see what would happen, not expecting him to completely drop her hand and act like it was nothing.

“You and Ms. Naylor.” Janine said abruptly, standing to her feet in front of Fletch. “Guess that drink will have to wait.” She breathed, looking at him in slight surprise and disapproval. He hadn’t got the chance to say anything to her statement that referred to when he told her they should catch up as she walked off, leaving Fletch with a question.

“What was that?” Fletch asked his daughter who gave him a cheeky grin.

“Well she asked if you were single so I just had to make it up.”

“Hmm.” He hummed, Jac wondering why he didn’t take this perfect opportunity to tell his daughter, knowing that it perhaps wasn’t her place to think that - he’d do it when he was comfortable. It still frustrated her though, enough to excuse herself and get a drink and some ice-creams for the kids. “About that.” He whispered, sitting down on the sunbed where Janine just was.

“About what?”

“If Jac was to be my girlfriend, how would you feel about it?” 

“Are you serious?” She whispered excitedly, assuming this meant that finally something was happening, turning so she was lying on her side.

“Yes,” he breathed, “but I want to know if you’re okay with it.”

“You know how I feel about Jac, and Emma too.” She smiled, witnessing this side of her dad was something different. She’d met Abi once or twice, but being fifteen Evie knew exactly what that whole relationship was about, and she’d met Ange too. She didn’t mind Ange, not at the start. She didn’t mind the Dom drama that came along with it, Ange just wasn’t Jac and so Evie didn’t like her, Fletch knew Ange wasn’t Jac and so it was doomed from the start.

“Yes, but it means she would be around more and stuff.”

“I want Jac to be your girlfriend more than you do.” She laughed, it was true, there had been nothing more that Evie wanted than for Jac to be a permanent figure in her life.

“Okay, good.” He smiled, leaning back on the bed and watching his two younger kids throw sand into their buckets.

“When are you going to ask her?”

“Twenty minutes ago.” He said, Evie snapping her head back to her father as they both shared the same grin.

“What did she say?”

“To what?"

“To being your girlfriend?”

“Who?”

“Dad.” She warned, trying to find out the answer that she desperately wanted.

“She said yes.”

“Oh my god.” She grinned, sitting up properly and shutting her book. “I knew it all along.” She beamed, “This is like, the best new ever.”

“I know.” He whispered excitedly, resting his head backwards and feeling each droplet of water from the sea evaporate with the heat.

“Uh, the kids are sick.” Jac said a few minutes later as she came back to the beach, standing at the end of his sunbed.

“What do you mean?”

“The kids centre just called, Emma and Theo are both saying they feel unwell.” She said, not making direct eye contact with Fletch. He hadn’t done anything wrong, she knew that, she just wanted it all to be real, she wanted it all and to have to wait for it was getting on her nerves.

“Oh, let’s go then.”

“No, I’ll just go there’s no point in all of us leaving, I just need the key card.”

“The what?”

“I gave you the key earlier.”

“Oh right.” He stumbled, fiddling in both of his pockets before lifting his hands back out.

“What’s taking so long?” She asked, slipping her shoes on and grabbing her phone from under the towel on the bed.

“We have an issue.” He mumbled, pulling out the inners of his pockets and then pointing to the sea.

“Oh my god.” She sighed, staring at him in disbelief as it all clicked, he’d lost it in the fucking ocean.

“What do we do now?”

“I’ll go to reception and get another one.”

“They only speak Spanish.”

“I speak Spanish.”

“Really?” He asked, watching his daughter try and stifle a laugh at the conversation.

“I’ll meet you back at the room later.” She said before she left, rolling her eyes to Evie who gave her a grin.

Twenty-eight minutes.” Evie said, picking her book up again.

“What?”

“You managed twenty-eight minutes without pissing your girlfriend off.” She laughed, finally finding the page that she was on, her smile not dropping.

“Shut up.”

* * *

Whilst holding two children, hair dripping down her back and her current attire barely covering her legs, she stood in the hallway of the hotel. After an hour of trying to communicate to three different members of staff about how they lost the key, and whether if someone found it could they use it, (the answer was no), she had finally unlocked the door. 

“Shall we have a nap?” She asked the two children who nodded their heads, climbing their way into Jac’s bed. She looked at them suspiciously, they didn’t look ill and they were laughing like they’d had the best day. To be frank, she was way too tired to question it, and after getting them changed, and then herself, she found her way on the bed, laid in the middle of them.

“When will daddy be back?” Theo asked, resting his head on Jac’s shoulder.

“Soon.” She mumbled, feeling the weight of her daughter’s head on her chest. The room was silent, but still bright, everything illuminated from the rays of the sun. She could see some of her clothes through the slightly open door of the wardrobe, the colourful clothes Sacha had picked out for her. There was a part of her that thought she would try them, she’d managed to wear a bikini today, nothing could be as revealing as that. She didn’t know how it happened but she felt herself drift off, the two children cuddled into her on the bed, silence filling the room.

“So can she stay round then?” Mikey asked as they walked through the hallway. Fletch had realised he had put his room key in the back of his phone so there was no need for Jac to go and get another one for her side, he wondered whether he should bother mentioning that to her or not.

“If you want her to.” Fletch shrugged, looking at his son. All three of them had been discussing Jac since she left, Fletch telling his youngest two that she was his girlfriend and to be telling the truth he hadn’t seen his kids so excited in a while.

“She’s going to have to learn to do a lot of things.” He replied, looking at Ella who nodded her head.

“What do you mean?”

“Well she needs to learn how to play cards.” Mikey laughed, eliciting the same laugh from his father who had unlocked the door, walking in to find it mysteriously quiet.

“Have a shower and then we can watch some films.” Fletch said, watching his children disperse into the two rooms, his own concern growing for the lack of Jac and the two children. He’d made his way to Emma’s room, opening the door to find an empty bed. It was then when he walked towards Jac’s, the door cracked open slightly so that he could see the bed was unmade, unlike how it was this morning. He opened it further to view the three bodies in the bed, all of them fast asleep. It took him a moment to decide whether he should proceed, but he did, standing over the bed as he cracked a smile. He placed a gentle kiss on Jac’s temple before walking out again, content with his current situation.

“Dad?” Theo whispered, causing the father to trace back a few steps to see his son sat up with his arms extended.

“Hey little man.” Fletch cooed, picking him up and resting his head on his chest, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He smiled, Fletch looking at him, noticing his big grin and bright eyes, looking across at Emma who had sat up too.

“Are you both feeling better?” He looked at them, watching Emma nod as she shuffled off the bed to grab Fletch’s hand. “Interesting.” He mumbled, walking out with them slowly. He walked into Ella and Evie’s room as they sat on their beds, both of them entertaining themselves with their phones. Evie looked up first, a smile on her face as she saw Emma, extending her arms. Evie had always wanted to be a big sister to a really young girl, especially since Ella wasn’t as interested in the same things as Evie was, she loved Emma a lot. Emma loved Evie too, so much so that she clambered up onto the bed and rested her head on the older girl’s shoulder, watching the game she was playing on her phone. Theo did the same with Mikey and Ella, all of them finding something rather inconspicuous to laugh at.

“What films are we watching?” Evie asked as she passed her phone to Emma who took it gratefully, fumbling around to continue the game.

“Whatever you want, have a shower though and be ready in half an hour.” He pointed to them all, each of them nodding and talking quietly amongst themselves. He’d changed too, ten minutes later and he had found himself on the sofa dressed in joggers and a black t-shirt, flicking through some of the programmes that were in Spanish.

“So I seem to have lost two children.” Jac mumbled from the doorway of her room, walking towards Fletch in a lazily manner, rushing a hand through her hair.

“They were awake when I walked in so they’re with the others.” He smiled, she had changed too. She was wearing the same pair of joggers that she always wore, but still his t-shirt that was slightly wrinkled. She’d made the effort to take off her makeup, he could see her freckles even from a few metres away, her eyes still bight but tired as the ends of her hair formed into small waves from the sea water.

“Oh.” She nodded, traipsing along the floor until she felt her legs hit the sofa, falling gracefully onto the grey material. The living room on her side was big, three sofa’s and a large television mounted on the wall over a fireplace.

“Are you tired?” He asked her as she shuffled in between his legs, her back against his body as she nuzzled her head into his chest. She nodded as a response, trying to find a clock to see the time.

“What’s the time?” She finally asked when she couldn’t spot a clock.

“Just gone four.” He mumbled, wondering how it was still so early in the day. She nodded her head again, moving her hand about to find his. Once she did she intertwined their fingers, feeling him place a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“Wake me up in twenty.” She whispered, feeling him move as an acknowledgement, both of them slowly drifting off. She wondered what he would do if the kids came in now, since she didn’t know that the kids knew, she wondered how he would react, whether he’d move, whether he’d already planned on telling them tonight or soon, she didn’t know, but she tried not to think about it, for right now it was just them.

They were woken up by a cough, followed by another one. Fletch turned his head first, seeing all five kids stood in a line in front of the tv with grins on their faces. “What are you doing?” He whispered as he saw Evie with a sheet of paper, clearing her throat.

“What?” Jac asked, finally turning her head and opening her eyes to reveal the children, her whole body shifting from Fletch’s in a moment of realisation. She sat up and laid her back against the back of the sofa, still slightly in between his legs, but she let go of his hand.

“Does she know?” Mikey asked, fiddling with his own sheet of paper.

“Do I know what?”

“You don’t know that we know?” He asked, Jac turning her head to look at Fletch who was slightly less confused than her. He laughed at her, seeing her shift from a state of unconsciousness to confused consciousness.

“What don’t I know?” She asked him, the kids all laughing.

“We know.”

“What do you know?”

“You don’t know.” Mikey laughed and pointed at her, Jac always made reference to how she always knew what was going on.

“I know everything.”

“Not this though, you don’t know what we know.”

“What don’t I know that you think I don’t know that you know?” She asked, partially confusing herself as the words rolled off her tongue.

“You and dad.” Evie said, wondering why it was taking her so long to catch on.

“You told them?”

“I did.” He nodded, a smile forming on both the adults’ faces as they looked at one another, Jac bowing her head.

“But we have some ground rules.” Mikey interrupted, witnessing Jac take Fletch’s hand back as she rolled back into his side. She was no longer in between his legs, but in between the back of the sofa and his side, her head resting in the space between his shoulder and his neck.

“Proceed.” Fletch said with caution, running his hand up and down Jac’s arm.

“If you are serious about this, we have made some rules that you must follow.” Ella said, watching Jac look up at Fletch who shrugged slowly, letting her know he had nothing to do with this.

“Hmm.” Jac hummed, encouraging them to continue.

“We want to see you three times a week. Outside of work.” Mikey said, reading from his sheet of paper.

“And Emma too.” Ella included.

“You have to learn how to play cards so you can participate in family game night.”

“You have to pick a favourite mug and once you’ve picked it you can’t switch it.” Evie said, each member of the Fletcher clan had their own mug, no switches could be made and it had become a family rule. “You have to catch up on all seasons of every NCIS programme so we can watch it together.” She continued, watching Jac purse her lips.

“You have to help me with my maths homework because dad is useless.” Ella said, Jac letting out a small laugh before covering her mouth as she noticed Fletch shooting her a questioning glare.

“Oh and we want Sacha to cook us a roast dinner once a month.” Mikey said excitedly, folding his piece of paper and placing it on the table.

“Are you using me just to get to Sacha?”

“A little bit.” Evie nodded, they had spent a lot of time with Sacha when Jac was shot and then poisoned, when Fletch was at the hospital Sacha would spend time with them, take them to school and bring them home. They had all become very fond of him, nearly as fond of him as they were with his cooking skills.

“Can you do all that?” Mikey asked, the tone of the room becoming more serious as they waited for a response.

“How often is family game night?” She asked, looking at Fletch who gave her a reassuring and slightly apologetic smile.

“Every Sunday.” Ella nodded, Jac sucking a harsh breath as a response.

“Okay.” She nodded, watching the kids smile in relief. “I think I can manage that.”

“We have a final proposition.” Evie said, looking at Jac curled into Fletch’s side as she nodded. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight, it felt like it had all happened really quickly, perhaps too quickly. But then she thought about everything else, the last two years of their ‘relationship’ that had been desperately platonic, but the feelings never were. Not for either of them, slowly their feelings had shifted from friends to more than that, to the point where they were pretty much everything to one another. Perhaps being here, having to share the room and the children and the distance they had before this trip was what they needed to realise it. Maybe that was why, or maybe it was inevitable. Either way, Evie looked at them for a moment and after her mum passing and Raf passing, she was finally content.

“What’s that?” Fletch asked, propping the cushion behind his neck.

“We all want to be in the same room.”

“We’re in the same room.” 

“No.” Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes at his father’s inability to grasp what they meant.

“All the rooms in Jac’s side attach. There’s a door from mine and Ella’s to Emma’s to Jac’s.”

“Right?” Jac pondered, wondering where they were going with this.

“Well we want to be together.”

“There aren’t enough rooms-“

“If Ella has Emma’s old room, Mikey and Theo have mine and Ella’s old room and me and Emma have Jac’s room.”

“And where do we stay?” Jac asked, Theo and Mikey had preoccupied themselves with something on the floor whilst Emma took it upon herself to draw circles with her finger on the carpet.

“On dad’s side.”

“How do we keep an eye on you lot.”

“Well, keep the middle door open and we’ll keep our doors open.”

“Hmmm.” Fletch hummed, weighing up the option of how safe that was. He nodded slowly, knowing no one could get in and they could hear everything if the doors were open anyway.

“Why?” Jac asked, looking directly at Evie.

“Well we have fun together and it means you two can have,” she paused, looking at the floor, “privacy….” She looked up to see the two adults completely shift, Jac’s lips parted and Fletch’s eyebrows raised, the serious tone of the room shifted to awkwardness as neither of them knew exactly how to move on from that

“Oh right then.” Fletch said, spluttering his words as he knew exactly what his daughter was eluding to.

“Huh, that’s enough of that.” Jac followed, separating from her boyfriend and getting to her feet. “We’re going to have to move everything around.” Evie nodded and smiled, grabbing Emma’s hand and taking her to their room. All the kids followed, slightly surprised that this was a situation Fletch had agreed with, but they all wanted it. It reminded them of the possibility of a real family-like situation, and if this worked, why couldn’t it work at home? Jac stood and watched Fletch roll his eyes at the kids’ excitement, all of them trailing down the small hallway. It hit her, the idea of privacy and what it meant. She had gotten her body out for everyone on the beach, anyone who was looking, and that was a step. But it wasn’t what really scared her, she couldn’t face Fletch in her scar-ridden body. Not the white indentations that were around her stomach, not the one down the middle of her spine, that was a side of her even she couldn’t see. She couldn’t look at them, it wasn’t about anybody else, no one apart from herself or Fletcher because they were the only opinions to her that mattered. Each scar was a reminder of her vulnerability, her time close to death, her time on the brink of existence, her only points of weakness. And there they were, splattered across her body like a dot-to-dot, small bumps or deep indentations, whiter than her skin, surrounded by small freckles or anything that made them stand out. There they were, and she hated them, more than she hated anything else. She hated her body for letting her down, for not being able to expose herself to Fletch the way she would if she could, the way she wanted to, the way she had dreamed of doing for years. It wasn’t as easy as that, it was never easy for her because the world was so fucking backwards. She saved lives everyday, but when it came to her own, she couldn’t do anything about it, the personal failings and miserable-ness that created her. She took a look at him though, laid on the sofa mumbling something under his breath. He wouldn’t mind, he wouldn’t care, he wouldn’t linger or notice them, they were just part of her and for all he knew he loved her, and so anything else that came with her. Her daughter, her inability to communicate normally, her scars, her success, all of her.

“What do you think about it?” He asked, catching Jac out of her train of thought.

“Sorry, what?” She asked, looking at him with her head tilted slightly, wondering whether he had heard her internal conflict.

“The conference tomorrow, do we elude to our,” he paused slightly, gesturing towards the space in between them, “relationship?”

“No.” She said after a moment of thought. “Otherwise people may ask questions relating to that and it’s not really what tomorrow is about.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Are you ok with that?” She asked, realising that it probably wasn’t the most normal thing to do.

“If that’s what you want to do, yeah.” He smiled, he knew that was what she would say anyway.

“Thank you.” She replied, watching him as he stood up, wondering whether this was going to be an issue. It wasn’t though and she knew that when he wrapped his arm around her waist, looking at her face, scanning over every detail.

“What talks do you want to go to?” He asked as he moved past her, making his way to Jac’s, now Evie and Emma’s, room.

“I really want to go to the talk on patient survival rates and pain management.” As she spoke she opened the wardrobe doors, taking out some of the clothes and slinging them over her arm.

“Me too, and the one on patient care.” He said, doing the same action. They repeated this, discussing what they wanted to do whilst they moved clothes from room to room, dodging past each child.

“That’s the one with the nurse from St. James isn’t it?”

“It’s after lunch.” He said, he didn’t know who was doing the talk, it was just one of the few that he knew wouldn’t bore him.

“Oh yes it’s the same time as my one.” She said, shutting one of the drawers beside the bed.

“Your what?”

“My talk.”

“You’re doing one?” He asked, closing his wardrobe and looking around, some of Jac’s personal effects filling the space that was empty in his room. He imagined briefly if this was what his own home could look like one day, but he shrugged it off, it was way too early to be thinking like that.

“Did I not tell you?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She said, lying flat on the bed.

“First of all, that’s my side.” He said, nudging her gently as he shuffled next to her, forcing her to roll over onto the other side of the bed. “Secondly, what’s it about?”

“Just about cardio, I don’t know how many people will even go.”

“Probably quite a few given your reputation.”

“We will see, I can meet you after it.” She mumbled, slightly sad that he wasn’t going to be there to watch her, to be the face in the crowd that she recognised.

“Oh and then we have to go to the fundraiser meal.”

“The what?” She asked, turning her head to face him. She was so out of the loop with all of this stuff, she hated being tied to a schedule that she had not created herself, being stuck to the rules somebody else created left her to ignore it, if it wasn’t for Fletch she probably would have no idea what she should be doing or where she should be.

“Yeah, all the heads of departments from hospitals from Holby to London.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” She rolled her eyes, another social event that she didn’t want to go to.

“It’s fine, just drink lots of wine.”

“I can’t drink, remember.” She said dryly, throwing her head back at the thought of having to sit through it completely sober, pretending to talk to people that she liked, pretending to be interested in the things she quite frankly couldn’t give a shit about.

“Oh yeah,” he mumbled, rolling off the bed, “that’s gonna suck for you.” He whispered, walking around to her side of the bed and tapping her shoulder lightly, forcing her to sit up.

“Thanks for that.”

“Anytime.” He laughed, standing back a bit so she had room to move as she got to her feet.

“What programmes are we watching?”

“Let’s see what the kids want.” He sighed, taking a few steps to reach to the door as he felt her tug on his arm. He turned around to face her, feeling her hand wrap to the back of his neck as she claimed his lips with her own, briefly, but bruisingly. He shot her puzzled look, waiting for some sort of explanation.

“I won’t be able to do it tomorrow, and I don’t know why I haven’t done it before.” She said, kissing him again and then again, genuinely wondering what stopped her. Why did she feel the need to ruin this happiness that she felt, why did she decide so long ago that she wouldn’t let herself be happy? She couldn’t remember all of that now when he touched her the way he did, the way he smiled at her and the way his lips felt against her own. She didn’t care either, because she could do it now, and apart from surgery, this was all she wanted to do.

They had made their way to the sofa’s only moments later, ordering dinner and watching a few films. They didn’t really interest Jac who was sat in between Fletch and Evie, but they were all invested and so she tried her best to focus, tried her best to make the most of this moment. She felt warm, Evie’s head resting on her shoulder as she watched her daughter curl into a small ball next to Ella, humming along to the film on the television. Once she knew her daughter was happy she felt herself relax, it was always about Emma now, and if she was happy so was Jac. Fletch had somehow found his way to Jac’s lap, his cheek resting on her thighs as his legs hung over the edge of the sofa. Mikey and Theo had huddled on the third sofa, both of them starting to drift off with full bellies and smiles. The other kids had done the same, Jac getting Evie to send them all to bed since she couldn’t move - Fletch had fallen asleep and she didn’t have the heart to move him.

“Are you okay with this?” Evie asked as she found her place back on the sofa after letting Mikey know it was time to sleep.

“With what?” Jac asked, her hand running through Fletch’s hair as he breathed slowly and heavily.

“This. _Us_.”

“I am.” She said slowly, pausing before she spoke, she didn’t quite know what the right answer to that was. She didn’t know whether she was giving the impression that she was taking their mum’s place, not that she could, not that she wanted to, or whether she was taking it too lightly.

“We’re just a family and if you’re going to be apart of it I really need you to know that.”

“I’ve never had a family before.”

“So-“

“So, I will do my best. I can’t make promises that i’m going to be great, that i’m going to be perfect at all of this. You all mean a lot to me and that’s as much as I know right now.” She reasoned, she hoped that was enough, she really hoped that was enough. She wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t, what she would do if Evie said it wasn’t good enough.

“Okay.” The young girl nodded, giving Jac a soft smile. “He’s happier.”

“Your dad?”

“Mmm,” she nodded, her smile still evident, “he hasn’t been this happy in a while. I don’t know if it’s you, or the sun, or both combined. But I think it’s mostly you and that you’re here right now.” Evie whispered, a small pang of guilt hit Jac in the chest. For a long time she felt as though she had neglected him, his grief and his emotions - she put herself first when he focused on her and only her. She knew he was struggling, but it was too late then, too late for her to extend a hand and help, too late. That’s what she thought, at least, but she was always wrong when it came to things like that, it wasn’t too late, not for her, not for them.

That fact was evident as they sat there on the sofa, Jac telling Evie, “He makes me happy, somehow, underneath all the ‘Jac Naylor’ he, uh-“ she paused, trying focus on her words, “I think you get it.” She concluded, rolling her eyes and bringing them back to the man fast asleep on her lap.

“I do.” Evie nodded, standing from the sofa, “Goodnight, Jac.” She smiled, and with that she walked into her and Emma’s bedroom, leaving the two adults alone on the sofa.

She watched him for a while, seeing his side move up and down with each breath, his hair flopping around his forehead in a way she couldn’t see since he wasn’t facing her, but she knew it would be something that made his boyish grin even more boyish, and she loved that fucking grin. “I know you’re comfy,” she whispered, leaning over him slightly, “but you’re really heavy and I can’t feel my legs.” She laughed whilst she whispered still, feeling him stir below her as he wrinkled his eyes before opening them slowly. His body shifted onto his back so that he could see Jac above him, her thumb tracing designs above his eyebrows.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, frowning at the sudden jolt of being awake.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“I’m comfy.” He huffed, turning his head slightly to see her better.

“But I had multiple operations and nearly died and you’re not helping the pain.” She grimaced slightly, and before she even finished the sentence he was up on two feet, worry flooding his face.

“Are you in pain?” He asked, extending his hand out, waving it slightly for her to take it. She shook her head and practically jumped from the sofa, sauntering into the bedroom. “Did you just use your operation to make me move?” He whispered at her, following her quickly. She didn’t reply, a bitten smile hidden on her face as she rolled into bed.

“Maybe.” She nodded, bringing the duvet up around her neck.

“That’s evil.” He said from the end of the bed, his hands gripping the duvet slightly as he tried to conceal his smile with a frown.

“That’s me.”

“Hmm.” He squinted at her, moving his hands and walking towards the wardrobe. He whipped off his shirt in one smooth manner, folding it up on the shelf above the hangers. He did the same with the joggers and before either of them knew it he was standing there in his boxers. Jac tried her best to look away, drag her eyes from the one part of him she truly hadn’t seen before, and it took a lot of strength to do so. She found her feet anyway, making her way to the bathroom as Fletch tidied the room slightly - he hated mess, surprisingly.

“What time does the conference start tomorrow?” She asked from the bathroom, running the tap after she brushed her teeth.

“Nine.”

“Ugh.” He heard her sigh, a small laugh escaping him at her reaction. “Can we just stay here?” She asked half seriously and half not, but if he were to take up the offer she wouldn’t complain, not in the slightest.

“Oi, my eyes are up here.” He said when he noticed her eyes drifting to the lower half of his body, pointing to his head. A soft blush creeped up her neck as she pursed her lips, slowly moving her eyes up his body. She hummed as a response, finding her eyes drop again before she forced her head to turn away, _get yourself together, Naylor,_ she thought to herself, finding Fletch walking towards her. She turned her head back round to face him, his eyes darker than normal and a small smile forming. It wasn’t even a second before he had her pressed against the wall, his hands either side of her neck and his lips against her own.

That feeling never failed to startle her, mesmerising her as they moved together and she still kicked herself for not doing it sooner. Her hands trailed to his waist, moving back up to his shoulders as his lips moved to her neck. He nipped the skin gently, eliciting a soft moan from Jac who ran her nails over his shoulders gently. He moved to press kisses along her collarbone, admiring the flower of red he left each time, her skin sensitive and reactive to him. Her breathy moans sent a rush of blood to his groin, the situation being heightened by the pain in his back from her nails, so he nipped, bit and kissed a little harder, her body shaking for more.

“I can’t.” She whispered, pressing one hand against his chest. He lifted his head only slightly so it was at the same level as hers, a few inches away.

“Okay.” He nodded, kissing her forehead before he turned and sat on the bed, leaving her breathless against the wall. That wasn’t the specific response she was hoping for, moreso for him to tell her it would be okay, for him to be patient but continue. She wanted his body against hers more than anything. “Come here.” He whispered once he regained his own composure, reaching his hand out for her. She shook her head, a frown covering her face as she let her head drop back against the wall, frustrated with her own insecurity. “Now.” He said, a little firmer, lower and it was a demand this time. She looked at him, he still looked soft and gentle, but she wasn’t going to refuse him. So she walked over slowly, standing in between his legs as his face lined up with her abdomen. His fingers traced the bottom of the shirt that reached to the middle of her thighs, lifting it with his fingers until it reached the band of her joggers.

“Fletch, please.” She whispered, lowering his hands in attempt to stop his ministrations.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, watching her pause before nodding slowly, his hands rising again. This time he made it to her bellybutton, three scars on show already. She closed her eyes, not ready to see his reaction to her flawed body, but allowing him to look further, examine each one. He did, using one thumb to trace each scar and the marks from the stitches, they were white and one was slightly raised above her skin, but none of them were more than two inches long. His hand moved to her back and he felt her suck in a harsh breath as his fingers found the biggest one, the one that nearly killed her. It was down her spine, perhaps four inches long and it was raised, he could understand why she wouldn’t want anyone to see it. Not because it was ugly, but because it reminded her of every time she thought she was going to die, and it reminded him of the same, and he found himself rendered, he couldn’t form the right words. There was one scar left, just at the side of her ribs where the bullet went in, and this was the one she tried to forget the most. His hands raised further, her whole back arching as his fingers traced her skin below where her bra strap would normally be. The absence of it allowed him to find the scar, another four inches long, it was harsher, as though it hadn’t completely healed.

“Can I look?” He asked her slowly, her eyes still closed and her bottom lip struck between her teeth, she nodded. Voluntarily she raised her arms, allowing him to lift the material over her head, her abdomen and chest completely exposed to him. He didn’t say anything, not that he could, her clothed presence already made it hard enough him to say anything, but to have her like this in front of him? he didn’t know how to function. He saw the original scar, his fingers tracing along it as he felt her shake gently, a tear rolling from the corner of her eye. He hadn’t realised how much this meant to her, they both knew no one had explored her body since the shooting, the main reason being that she wouldn’t let anyone close enough.

“Fletch.” She whispered, shaking her head only slightly, her eyes tightly shut.

“You are beautiful.” He said, moving his hands from her scars to her waist, her finger tracing the skin on his bicep.

“No.”

“You are,” he took one thumb to wipe the stray tear from her cheek, “you are the most beautiful person in the world. This-“ he paused, referencing to her scars as the room fell silent, “all of this is beautiful. I look at you and I’m reminded of why we’re here, I’m reminded of why I’m happy.” He breathed, her eyes opening to find his. Her breathing was soft and shallow, it was the only thing either of them could hear in the dimly lit room.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t...” she said softly, referencing to her insecure inability to have sex with him a few minutes ago.

“Don’t ever apologise.” He said, and he meant his words, “When you’re ready, we have so much time and I will wait.” He nodded, allowing her to give him a soft smile as a response. The reality of it was that she was ready now, she could feel it in her stomach that she wanted him, that she could trust him with her body and that was the insecurity that stopped her in the first place. “I’m tired anyway.” He mumbled in attempt to put her at ease, although it just frustrated her slightly and she knew she wouldn’t be able to relieve the tension in her stomach.

“Thank you.” She hummed, almost completely forgetting that she was half naked in front of him. He didn’t respond, only tapping the back of her thighs to encourage her to sit on his lap, which she did - not the smoothest of manoeuvres. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before doing the same to her lips, short and sweet kisses that made a half-assed attempt at soothing her need for him. She rolled off him and clambered under the duvet, concealing her body from anyone. Not from Fletch though, not anymore. He moved his body to do the same thing, both of them facing one another as she drew circles on his chest with her finger before he kissed her again. They had no idea what the time was and between short kisses and laboured breaths her body was pressed against his, her back against his abdomen as he draped one arm over her body, his finger tracing the underneath of one breast. It wasn’t a sexual thing, there was no intent to turn her on, but it comforted her, allowing him to explore her body made it that much easier to trust him, to know she was safe with him. And she was, and it made it all the harder to think about what she would do if she hadn’t told him how she felt a few nights ago, how stunned she was that the words finally fell out of her mouth. She nuzzled herself against him more, his head falling into the crook of her neck as silence and warmth surrounded them. She felt him press a gentle kiss to her neck, his lips marking her as his own, the warmth encouraging her to grab one of his hands in her own and hold him, have him. She was okay, she thought as she drifted off, and there was always tomorrow, she wanted him so badly that she almost regretted saying no in the first place, wishing she could turn over now and kiss him, undress him and show him how much she wanted him. But she stayed still, knowing that there was tomorrow.

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do have any feedback or ideas, constructive criticism or even praise, please drop a comment at let me know! Thank you. xx


	5. finish what you started [explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the month and a half of absence - i have been enjoying my summer before university and writing just hasn't been on the top of my list. but, i recently got back into it and so here you go - chapter five! enjoy x

“We’re going to have to get up.” Fletch whispered, rolling from next to her onto his own side of the bed, fiddling with his phone to find the time.

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed, doing the same and unplugging it, looking at the stream of messages. It was still quite early, just gone 7:45 in the morning and already she was receiving updates from her team back at the hospital. “Mr. Madden is back in.”

“Not again.” James Madden was one of Fletch’s favourite patients, he was old and he always told Fletch stories about his life, Fletch was a sucker for them. Jac often had to remind the Director of Nursing that he did have a job to do, but he would ignore Jac for James, even though that itself was quite risky. “James deserves a break.” He said as he chucked her his t-shirt which she slid on before standing up.

“Frieda is going to update me.” Within an hour Fletch was showered and dressed and had taken over the responsibility of getting the kids sorted for the day whilst Jac got showered and dressed, only applying the bare minimum of makeup. She always wore makeup, especially after the operations - she had become pale, more pale than normal, and the bags under her eyes had taken a permanent residency. Not right now though, she noticed that her skin was brighter than normal, helped by the sun she was sure, but also because she was finally sleeping and finally happy. She wasn’t not happy before, she was successful and surgically she was the best, Fletch just completed the full circle, personal and professional - she was happy. Fletch had donned black trousers and a black t-shirt whilst Jac wore black trousers and a white silk blouse that cut to the lower of her chest, her phone and the new keycard in her back pocket. By nine they had left the kids, Emma and Theo at the day centre, Ella at the creche and Janine to look after Mikey and Evie for the day.

She grabbed his hand as they walked down the cobbled street, there was something about this place that she loved. The sun, yes. The warmth, of course, but it was something else. It made it feel like home, even when she had only been here for a few days. She realised, perhaps, that it wasn’t the place she was in, maybe it was the people - Emma, Fletch and his kids, she felt at home. She didn’t care really if anyone caught her holding his hand, she wouldn’t do it at the day of conferences when she was in the building, because there she had to be Jac Naylor, but when she was with him she could just be Jac, and so she could hold his hand.

“I really can’t be bothered.” He sighed as they walked into the building, doctors, nurses and important people swarmed around them and she unwillingly dropped his hand and took a step away from him.

“Me neither,” she sighed, looking at the email on her phone, “but the first one starts now so we should get a move on.” With that they made a bee-line for the black doors against the white wall, there was a distinctive chatter behind the wood that made Jac slightly nervous to interrupt, but she did anyway, opening the doors and giving Fletch a small smile.

“After you, Ms. Naylor.”

“Thank you, Mr. Fletcher.” She beamed, the seriousness of it not being lost on either of them as they slid into the back seats, neither of them touching or looking at one another. He caught a few glances of her as she made notes, knowing she was probably going to research them later to see if it was all correct. She was hardly paying attention though, she thought that this would at least be somewhat enlightening, somewhat interesting, yet she found her mind wandering off. She wasn’t thinking about anything specific, more so about what she had decided she was going to talk about, she probably should’ve planned ahead. She took a look at Fletch who’s head was lulling back against the chair, his eyes closed and his breathing was shallow. She couldn’t help but let out a small smile, she was close to falling asleep too. It didn’t stop her from elbowing him in the stomach to wake him up which he frowned at, rolling his eyes at her. She’d decided then that she was going to find a room to practice in, instead of going to another conference knowing it would probably be just as boring as this one.

“Are we not gonna leave?” Fletch asked half an hour later, bringing Jac out of her thoughts as he watched people standing up and walking out.

“Oh, yeah.” She said, grabbing her notebook and her phone from her lap and standing up.

“That was the most boring thing I’ve ever sat through.” He sighed, resting his head against the wall.

“Tell me about it. I’m not going to another one.”

“Me neither.” They stood there in silence for a while, a couple of feet apart as they thought that would be enough to make it clear that there was nothing romantic going on. It did nothing of the sort and quite frankly they looked really odd in their distance with one another. She shuffled next to him, feeling for his hand that was behind his back, neither of them saying anything as they stood there. “Can’t we just go back?” He asked, turning his head against the wall to look at her, she hadn’t worn heels so he could only really see the top of her head.

“No, I have my talk, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.” Still they hadn’t moved, Jac scanning the large foyer for an empty room that she could stay in until it was time for hers. She spotted one with two people in who looked oddly familiar, a pushchair next to the table in the middle of the floor was what made it finally click. “I’m just going to stay in there until it’s time.” She pointed to the room, eager to go and see the two people she recognised.

“Okay, I’m going to get us some water.” He smiled, fiddling with her fingers slightly before he dropped them, allowing her to walk off in the opposite direction to him. She walked slowly to the office-like room, opening the door to reveal a couple shouting at one another.

“I said I wanted to go to the talk first.” The woman yelled as she rolled the push-chair back and forth.

“You’re only going so you can kiss her ass.” He replied, folding his arms across his chest.

“Everyone wants to kiss Jac Naylor’s ass. She hasn’t seen me since the operation so…”

“Not until now.” Jac said, shutting the door behind her causing the two adults to turn their heads in her direction.

“Jac!” Zosia smiled, Ollie looking slightly perplexed at the ginger figure in front of him.

“Long time no-see, Mr. Valentine.” Jac acknowledged, wondering how much he remembered, whether he remembered her at all.

“Ms. Naylor.” He nodded, a small smile covering his face. “Fancy meeting this little guy?” He asked, turning the pushchair around to face Jac, a three-month old baby amusing himself with a toy stared at the surgeon.

“What did you name him?” Jac asked as she walked over, crouching down to examine him further. He had Ollie’s eyes, bright and baby-blue, but he had Zosia’s smile.

“Arthur.” Zosia smiled, Jac nodding in response. She remembered the day Arthur died and how Zosia practically collapsed on the ward, and if it wasn’t for Jac to catch her she probably would’ve injured herself. Jac didn’t leave Zosia’s side for three days after that, bringing her to her house to make sure she didn’t do anything radical, to ensure her mental health was in check. Zosia probably would never forget that, the care that Jac gave her, more than Guy ever did. Jac tickled Arthur’s belly, eliciting a loud laugh from the young baby who encouraged her to continue.

“Since when was she so good with kids?” Ollie whispered, Jac turning to roll her eyes at him as Arthur extended his arms out towards her. Jac picked him up, both Zosia and Ollie still slightly surprised at her affinity for him.

“Maybe since Emma?” Zosia suggested, resting her head on her husband’s shoulder.

“She’s only good with Emma because Emma is basically the same person, just with less…cheekbone.” He laughed, Zosia joined in as Jac flipped him off from behind Arthur’s back.

“Kids love me, plus they’re easier to deal with when there’s only one of them.”

“When do you ever deal with more than one? Have you got another kid or something?” Zosia smiled, watching her son lull against Jac’s shoulder as she walked side to side, bouncing him up and down lightly.

“I am surprised anyone here can even see anything their heads are so far-“ Fletch said as he walked in, opening the door with his elbow as he came to a halt at the presence of Jac with a baby, his eyes darting towards Zosia and Ollie. “Oh, hi!” He smiled, placing the two glasses on the table before engulfing them both in a hug. Zosia’s eyes darted towards Jac and then back at Fletch, her eyes widening at the sudden realisation. She looked at Jac with a questioning glare as Ollie struck up a conversation with Fletch, Jac nodding slowly, their telepathic communication working quite successfully. Zosia already had an idea that this was going to happen considering she had spent a lot of time with Frieda who had been the first person to realise the chemistry between the Director of Nursing and the Darwin Lead.

“Well we both want to go to the conferences, but Arthur is, apparently, not allowed to be left alone.” Ollie said as he rolled his eyes, eliciting a laugh from Fletch and a whack on the shoulder from Zosia. “I’m joking!” He whispered, pressing a kiss on her forehead as Fletch turned to look at Jac who was resting against the wall now, evidently the pain in her back rendering her from moving. He walked over to her with his arms outstretched slightly to the young boy, watching Jac shake her head.

“I’m fine.” She insisted, resting her head on the wall.

“I know you’re fine I just want the baby.” He cooed, Jac rolling her eyes as she gave Arthur over, her hand pressed against Fletch’s chest for a moment before she moved away, both of them noticing the lingering contact. “Can we please go somewhere for lunch?” He had expected her to decline the offer considering she wanted to keep things professional today, but he was shocked when he saw her nod.

“Yes, please.”

“Thank God.” He beamed, Arthur tapping Fletch’s shoulder gently as they all turned around to the married couple who were mumbling to themselves.

“If you guys want to go somewhere we can take Arthur to lunch.” Jac said, her words surprised Fletch who took a glance at her, he thought they’d have to slip out separately to hide their relationship, something out of a crime movie. “Just meet you back here before my conference.”

“I’ll also watch him whilst you go to Jac’s talk.” Fletch suggested, cooing the baby softly on his shoulder.

“Really?” Zosia asked, lifting her head from Ollie’s shoulder as they watched Jac nod. “Okay.”

“Just don’t steal him though.” Ollie laughed as Fletch sorted Arthur out in the pushchair and Jac received a bag of all his necessities which she immediately passed to Fletch, him obliging and understanding. Jac wouldn’t be caught dead with a bag of nappies and milk for a baby, she didn’t even do it when Emma was little so there was no chance in hell she was going to do it for someone else’s child, especially not in a professional environment.

“We have enough to deal with already.” Jac joked, eliciting a questioning glare between the two other doctors who chose to ignore the ‘we’ in that comment. Before long Zosia and Ollie had travelled in a separate direction to Jac and Fletch, enjoying their new-found freedom. Jac found it in her to place Arthur in high-chair at the end of the table, the adults facing one another as they tried to entertain the baby.

“Is this our first date?” He asked as he tucked into his food, glancing at Arthur who was drawing on his high-chair with his finger.

“This is getting weirder by the day.” She responded, looking at her current company.

“How so?”

“I pushed you away three months ago, we rarely talked. Three days ago we finally, you know, said things, I’m now your girlfriend living with you and your kids in a hotel room, my daughter is sharing a bedroom with your daughter and our first date is with a three-month old baby who doesn’t belong to either of us.” She breathed, taking a mouthful of her food.

“So it is a date!” He exclaimed, his big grin appearing as he took a sip of water, Jac rolling her eyes and nodding slowly.

“If you say so.”

“How do you feel about your talk?” He asked, placing his knife and fork in the middle of his plate, eyeing up the young boy who started to get irritated.

“I’m good.”

“Are you?” He asked, standing up to lift Arthur from the highchair and sitting back down with him on his lap. The sight in front of her made Jac’s heart swell, she wasn’t maternal, not with other people’s kids, but there was something about Fletch and this baby that made her want to stare at them forever.

“Uh,” she paused, choosing her words carefully, “I just don’t want to disappoint.”

“That’s understandable. Did you plan anything?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll make it up and see where we go.”

“Feel free to slip it in that Mr. Fletcher, your knight in shining armour, is a great help and should be given all the donations at tonight’s fundraising dinner.” He winked, watching her tilt her head to the side in amusement.

“Yeah okay, I’d pay to see you ride a horse.”

“What makes you think I couldn’t ride a horse?”

“Everything about you. Horses are for refined people, and you, my friend, are not refined.”

“Did you just friend-zone me?”

“Oh, yeah, oops.” She laughed, reaching her hand out to grab his over the table. He moved it away quickly, eyeing her up.

“Looks like you’ll be sleeping on the floor tonight.” He joked, feeling Arthur slump against his arm, both of the adults lowering their voices.

“Why?”

“My girlfriend wouldn’t like it if my friend shared my bed.”

“Oh shut up.” She laughed, smiling as he took her hand finally, flicking his wrist over so he could see his watch.

“It’s nearly one.” He said, both of them standing up almost immediately, Fletch pointing to the pushchair for her to take.

“Not a chance.”

“I’ve got the baby.”

“I’ll take him.” She said, she wasn’t going to push an empty pushchair around, she’d much rather carry the baby instead. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing at her suggestion before she spoke again. “Or I’ll leave you to deal with this alone.”

“Fine.” He huffed, passing her Arthur as they left money for the bill on the table, probably more than they needed to, and walked off in a hurry. Within five minutes they had made it back to the conference building, traipsing their way to the room they were once in. The foyer was empty now and the room had the blinds shut, both Jac and Fletch shooting questioning looks at one another before they opened the door.

“Oh my god.” Jac sighed, looking at the sight in front of them as Fletch leaned towards Jac and covered Arthur’s eyes. “Please tell me you’re joking.” She laughed as she saw Zosia stood in her bra against the wall, Ollie’s shirt half undone and his trousers at his ankles. “Please tell me you did not just have sex in this room.” Neither Ollie or Zosia knew what to say, both of them just getting dressed as quickly as they could.

“We don’t have a lot of free time-“

“I don’t want to hear it.” Jac said, looking at Fletch who was looking anywhere but at the figures in front of him, a small, yet awkward smile growing on his face. She looked back at Zosia who was now fully clothed, looking exactly like she did this morning. Jac was quite surprised at her ability to look completely normal, not as though she’d just had a quickie with her husband in an office room in a building full of people. “You really like the risk, don’t you.” She said, passing the young boy to her mother who frowned slightly, rolling her eyes. There was a tinge of jealousy within Jac, it was overcome by the humour and the awkwardness in the room, but there was a sense of jealousy there too. She could’ve had sex with Fletcher last night, yet she didn’t, and truthfully she was kicking herself for that right now. That level of intimacy was something she hadn’t had in a while, and don’t get her wrong, she had plenty of it throughout her time at Holby, she attracted all sorts of men, she attracted all men. But with Fletch, there was something about that prospect that made her heart flip upside down, a medical condition she was sure was real since she felt it every time he was around, and her mind wandered to a place it probably shouldn’t twenty minutes before a conference.

“Ms. Naylor?” A voice said from the door, attracting the attention of everyone, especially Ollie who was still working out how to fix his tie.

“Yeah?” She asked, turning around to face him. He was tall and in a suit, looking disapprovingly at the disheveled, blue-eyed, man in the corner who stood next to his wife and baby.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you, your talk started half an hour ago.”

“What?” She asked, looking back at Fletch who had the same expression as her.

“That’s why no one’s around.” He said, pointing through the open door to the barren foyer, “They’re all waiting for you.”

“How many people?” She asked nervously, Zosia and Ollie eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Four hundred, more or less.” He shrugged. There was still a surprise in his voice, as though everyone thought her talk would attract numbers, but not the whole invitation list.

“I’ll be there in two minutes.” She grimaced, turning around to face Fletch who concealed his surprise with his boyish grin.

“You’ll be fine,” he reassured her, taking a step towards her. “I’ll be here for when you get back. Just imagine Emma being there and looking at what you’re doing.” His words made Jac smile, her head dropping before lifting again, he always knew exactly what to say - he never even had to try, he just knew what she needed. He knew her so well that it caused her to bring his face down to meet hers, pressing a soft kiss on his lips before parting, looking at him as he smiled. “You know they’re watching.” He whispered, referring to the couple and the baby that stood to their side, observing the interaction.

“I know.” She smiled, kissing him again for reassurance, feeling him grip her a little tighter this time, letting her know she would be okay. Before she turned to leave he kissed the top of her head, noticing her hand graze his before she turned and walked out the door.

“Holy crap.” Zosia whispered, looking at Fletch who turned to look at them shyly.

“She really has a thing for nurses, doesn’t she.” Ollie laughed, pursing his lips once Zosia hit him lightly again, passing her child to Adrian.

“Are you sure you don’t want to watch her talk, she looks nervous.” Zosia said as she stood next to the door, Ollie following her.

“She’s Jac, she doesn’t need me there.” With that Zosia’s heart fluttered. She knew that Jac had found someone that got her, that didn’t need to take a piece of her success for themselves, who recognised her strength and power completely. She knew Jac would be fine on her own, she would always be successful and she’d have Emma, but she was happy now, completely content that her mentor, more like friend and role model, was happy, that everything had started to come back full circle.

“When we look at the heart, we see so many things. Tissue, movement, blood; so much blood. Stopping a bleed is probably the most powerful thing you can do because when you stop the bleeding, the patient is either dead or alive.” That was her opening line to the beginning of her conference that she was forty minutes late to. Every seat was full, Zosia and Ollie standing at the back as they heard her continue. The room was silent until people started asking questions; which technique was her favourite?; why cardiothoracics and not general surgery?; who inspired her the most? - they filled the room. She answered eloquently, powerfully and immediately, herself and individual members of the audience breaking into conversation and debate.

“Would you mind if I used your expertise for a case?”

“Go ahead.” She nodded, taking a breath, allowing her mind to catch up with her situation as she watched all the eyes on her. It was nice to have a break from all the questions though and she allowed her brain to work the way it would at the hospital.

“I have a patient, who I can’t disclose for privacy reasons, who continues to come in with an elevated heart rate and the medication isn’t working. It’s almost making it worse.” A doctor stood up and asked, eliciting interested turns-of-heads from the other members of the audience.

“You gave the patient Adensoine, I’m assuming?” She said into the microphone that she took off the stand. She’d had to ask for a chair because there was no way she was going to cause herself pain by standing when she didn’t have to. She’d learnt that from Fletch, take the easier option sometimes, you’ll get the same results just with a little less pain. So she asked for a chair and no one had a second thought about it.

“Yes, twenty-two year old female, no children.”

“Job?”

“I think they call themselves….” He paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought about it for a moment, “social media influencers.”

“Right.” Jac said, trying to stifle a laugh. She had tried to become more accepting of people’s jobs that seemed to be less important than anyone who saved people’s lives, although she did have trouble with ‘influencers’. She liked honesty and integrity, something that these people tended to lack. “Their morning routine?”

“Same as everyone else’s, has breakfast, drinks tea…” The doctor answered, slightly losing faith in the possibility that Jac would have an answer to the mysterious case. Jac tilted her head to the side, pausing for a moment as she thought about it.

“Does she drink green tea?”

“Yes.”

“There you go then.” She smiled, “Green tea reduces the efficiency of adenosine’s ability to lower heart rate.”

“Oh.” He paused, making a note of it in his tiny black notebook, sitting down slowly as he mumbled a polite thank you. Zosia and Ollie both shuffled slightly at her realisation, Zosia’s lips parting. She would never have guessed that.

“Didn’t you say you’d like to be better than Jac Naylor one day?” Ollie whispered to her as she rolled her eyes.

“I was probably angry. I don’t think there are a lot of people who will ever be as good as her.” She sighed, leaning on the back of the wall.

“She once said she saw herself in you.”

“I’ll never forget that.” She grinned, once again reclaiming Ollie’s shoulder with her temple. “I’m just glad she’s happy, you know? After everything, she just seems happy.”

“It’s weird, isn’t it.” Ollie mused, pressing another kiss to the top of her head, “Where we’ve all ended up.” He felt her nod contently against his shirt, both of them thinking the same. Their romance was doomed from the start, everything and everyone getting in the way - from Isaac Mayfield to Guy Self - their wedding day being the day they separated. If it wasn’t for Jac’s offer for Zosia to go to America they probably would’ve ended up hating one another, they needed that space. The shooting didn’t help, the thought of the shooting made Ollie shiver a little, but now he could focus, he could understand, he could hold his wife’s hand and he could love his son. They were finally okay.

“Would you ever specialise in anything else?” Another doctor asked, standing up so that Jac could see her.

“No, I dabbled in general and it was too easy to become complacent. Complacency kills.”

“What drove you to become a surgeon?”

“A lot of things, I grew up with nothing and no one, so I just worked hard. Saving lives makes up for everything else, there’s nothing else like it.” Questions and answers continued like this for a while. She had expected people to get bored and leave at certain points, but no one did, she could barely see the back of the room but she noticed Ollie and Zosia watching her, she noticed everyone watching her.

“What’s your opinion on your name coming in conjunction with a nurse’s?” Someone asked from the side, a taller and older man.

“What do you mean?” She asked, slightly ready to jump on the defence.

“You’ve done great things for Darwin, and cardio itself, but we also hear the name ‘Adrian Fletcher’ tagged along.”

“His name is not in conjunction with me, his name is in conjunction with the ward and the work we’ve done with it.” She muttered bitterly, waiting for the man to justify himself.

“You’ve made it very clear that you don’t need anyone, especially not a man, so how does it make you feel to be working with a man, who is also a nurse, who takes half the credit? Do you feel like you’ve let female doctors down?”

“Okay.” She laughed momentarily, shifting her body towards the surprisingly, and idiotically, brave man. “I haven’t let anyone down, because I’m still the clinical lead, I still make the calls, I perform ground-breaking surgery. No man has helped me with that, no man needs to.” She said, eliciting a loud ‘woo’ from some of the female members of the audience. She tried to refrain from rolling her eyes at their excitement, she wasn’t always one for ‘women power’, she was more so in it for herself, she wouldn’t let a man rule her life, she didn’t really care what other people did with theirs. She didn’t like seeing so many men at the top though, the CEO’s, all the people in their Ivory Towers were white, middle-aged men with egos bigger than the hospitals themselves. “I work with Mr. Fletcher because he knows what is right for his department, for the nurses. I used to run my ward by myself, hell would break loose if someone tried to control me, approach me and tell me how to run it better. It was working well, my ward was one of the best in the country, but it’s better now, because I learnt how to work with someone else, who just happened to be a man, who just happened to be a nurse.”

“Would you rather be known for working alongside a surgeon instead of a nurse?” He asked, eliciting frowns from some of the nurses in the audience.

“No. Absolutely not. Surgeons are nutoriously stubborn, ego-maniacs and difficult to work with. Not me, obviously.” She laughed, unaware of where this feeling of ease had come from. “I used to hold nurses to the same esteem as you do,” she said pointing to the doctor who was still standing, “I used to assume they just weren’t smart enough to be doctors. But, I couldn’t do my job without nurses. Doctors save lives, nurses save people.” She smiled, lips parted at her speech; no one had expected Jac Naylor to defend nurses, no one had expected Jac Naylor to defend anyone but herself. They had all come to hear her talk about her favourite operations, her techniques, her ward - and she did, she answered all those questions with the answers that were wanted, but none of them had taken into account that she was a normal person, and it was interesting too see such a famously difficult person let their walls down slightly.

“That’s fair enough.” The doctor said as he sat down, slightly embarrassed for even asking such a question.

“What’s your name? Your job?” She asked him, causing his head to snap up to look at her, fumbling for his words before he spoke.

“John Barrow, senior registrar in general surgery.” He mumbled.

“Ah, make sure that you’re either equally as qualified as me, or more, to dare question who I work with and how I run my ward.” She said flatly, and again she was Jac Naylor, not to be messed with, not to be defied, and she made sure everyone knew that. The conference went on for longer than anyone had expected, everyone wanting to get a snippet of her advice, of her knowledge, of her ability. She’d managed to end it about two and a half hours after it started, receiving a standing ovation from the crowd of colleagues from different hospitals, everyone leaving as she sat on the stage still, her mind catching up with everything that she had said, making sure that she didn’t go wrong, she didn’t fuck up.

“I heard it went well.” She heard a voice from the back of the room, her head looking up to see Fletch leaning against the wall.

“I didn’t realise it would go on for so long.” She said, half speaking into the microphone out of habit, looking at it oddly and placing it on the chair as she stood up.

“Don’t worry about it, me and Arthur had fun of our own.”

“I wonder who found who more entertaining.” She laughed, stretching her back as he walked down the middle of the aisle.

“Funny aren’t you.” He said sarcastically, finally reaching her. “This place was full?” He asked in slight disbelief, but also in complete understanding.

“Yeah.” She breathed, looking at all the empty seats that ten minutes ago were occupied. “It was…intense.”

“Zosia said you helped diagnose a patient, defended your ward, mentioned Elliot as your inspiration and even defended nurses.”

“All that and a lot more.” She sighed, rubbing her forehead before resting her head on his chest. She was tired, talking in front of people was something she found easy, but with the current added pressure, the fear someone would ask about her personal life and ask about the shooting, it made her feel exhausted. The relief that none of that came up washed over her as he ran his hand over her shoulder, balancing his chin on her head.

“Dinner is at seven, so we have a few hours before we need to get ready.” He whispered, feeling her limp against his body.

“Can we just go back and see the kids? Do something less intense than all of this?”

“The kids?”

“Your kids. My kid.” She rephrased, understanding that ‘the kids’ sounded like they were their kids, and that wasn’t what she was trying to imply.

“Yes, we can.”

“Good.” She whispered, lifting her head to him, “I just want to be around normal fucking people.”

“Me too. They’re all really up their own arses here, aren’t they.” He laughed, “I guess all surgeons are.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Make me.” He whispered, watching her eyebrows raise at the challenge. She did, kissing him briefly before he held her tighter and kissed her again, this time longer, both of them moving together for a few seconds before they parted. She looked at him again, there was nothing specific about this moment, only that she was glad he was here. She was glad that she could kiss him, that they could laugh and talk, she was glad she could go back to the kids. She was glad he hadn’t forgotten about her, left for Abi or for Ange, she was glad he was hers and she was his. Grateful, perhaps.

* * *

Half an hour later they had found their way back to the hotel room after saying goodbye to Zosia and OIlie, Fletch having a final hug with Arthur.

“Don’t become a stay-at-home-mum.” Jac had told her before they left.

“That’s almost as likely as you becoming soft now that you’ve got four more kids to think about.” Zosia laughed, glancing over at Fletch who was saying something probably quite insignificant to Ollie as both of them bopped Arthur around.

“Don’t remind me.” Jac sighed, looking the same way as Zosia. Jac would never have another kid, but the sight of Fletch with a baby made her whole stomach do cartwheels into her chest.

“Try not to fuck this up.”

“I could say the same to you.” And with soft smiles and a few more jibes they separated. Zosia had been meaning to give Jac an update on Arthur, she sent her a text and a card when he was born, but there had been radio silence ever since, and part of Jac wondered whether Ollie had been able to cope. She could see now, though, that he could - she had never doubted he wouldn’t be a great father, the same with Zosia, they would be great parents. They are.

With one swipe of the keycard Jac and Fletch were engulfed with the noise of children, all of them turning around to face the door. Evie was sat with her laptop on the coffee table, all four children squeezing onto one sofa as Janine sat on the edge, all of their focus switching from the laptop to the two adults. Within an instant Evie shut her laptop, watching as Jac cocked her head to the side.

“What are you doing?” Fletch asked as he walked through the doorway, inspecting the guilt that was written all over their faces.

“Mummy!” Emma shouted, jumping from the sofa and waddling over to Jac who picked her up, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Nothing.” Evie shrugged, “How was the conference?”

“Boring.” Her father replied, chucking the keycard on the table as he smiled at Janine who looked slightly relieved to see them. “How was your day?”

“Good, we’ve been down at the pool for most of it.” Mikey said, standing up and giving his dad a hug, “I’m shattered.”

“Me too, mate.”

“Mummy?” Emma said as Jac placed her back down, running a lose hand through her hair.

“Yeah?” She breathed, looking at her daughter who was wearing a grey sun-dress. Emma resembled Jac in every way - she was bossy, impatient, funny, honest, she was one hundred percent Jac Naylor’s daughter. She had aspects of Jonny too, but they were lesser and they were traits Jac had, but less of - empathy, sympathy, compassion.

“I want to be a nurse when I’m older!” She exclaimed excitedly, a small laugh escaping her after her declaration.

“Why’s that?”

“Nurses save people!”

“Doctors save lives. Nurses save people!” Ella joined in, giggling excitedly at her words. Evie’s head darted towards the two young girls who had just outed her completely.

“Where did you hear that?” Jac asked, her words sounding slightly more bitter than she had intended which received a questioning look from Fletch. He’d occupied himself with Mikey and Theo who wanted to have pizza for dinner, but everyone’s focus had turned to Jac.

“Don’t get angry.” Evie warned, standing up slowly as she turned to the door where Jac was still standing.

“I don’t like the sound of that.” She muttered, Fletch’s eyes firmly on hers. It was bound to happen, he supposed, he had four kids and Jac wasn’t the easiest person to please so there was going to be an argument at some point, he just didn’t think it would be this soon.

“Dad knows I want to be a doctor and I know I couldn’t go to the conference, but I really wanted to watch your speech and so it was uploaded on YouTube an hour ago I was watching it and they all wanted to-“ She explained before Jac finally cut her off.

“You didn’t ask.” Jac replied simply, shrugging her shoes off and walking towards her bedroom as Fletch looked at her, understanding it wasn’t his place to jump in and save his daughter, even though that’s exactly what he wanted to do.

“What?” She asked, tensing slightly at the fear that she had disappointed her dad’s girlfriend. That was her first thought, the second was how weird it was to call Jac Naylor her dad’s ‘girlfriend’. It didn’t suit her at all, namely because Evie felt as though Jac was so much more than that, she had been more than that for a few years, but it was lableless and semi-platonic. Jac was more like Fletch’s best friend, his partner, the half of him that made him whole, she was perfect. She didn’t know how, or why, but that was what Jac was to Fletch, and what Jac was to the kids was a role-model, a friend, a mother-figure - maybe one day an actual mother. Fletched watched the interaction still, his lips pursed as the room silenced, anticipating the worse.

“You didn’t ask if you could come to the conference.”

“Well I didn’t think it was my place to-“

“Next time, just ask me. If we’re doing something here that you want to see or go to, just ask.” She said softly, glancing at Fletch quickly who’s composure had softened, surprise written all over his face.

“Okay.” Evie nodded, watching Jac smile and walk to her room. She turned round to face her father who shot her a grin as Evie widened her eyes to show her own surprise, the room slowly picking up again as Janine discussed with Fletch the needs for tonight. He explained bedtimes, routines, what time they would be back and where they were going whilst Jac phoned Frieda to make sure everything was stable at the hospital. She’d chucked her phone on the bed whilst she laid some patient files neatly on top of the dresser as Frieda’s voice rang out in loud speaker.

“How are you finding the hotel?” Frieda asked once the serious conversation of patients had ended.

“Not bad, I never did thank you for organising the room.”

“Don’t mention it, have you got nice neighbours?” The younger doctor asked and Jac could practically hear her smile over the phone.

“Not really, there’s a super loud family of five.” She answered which elicited a small laugh from the Ukraine.

“Thought you would appreciate that. Anything you want to tell me?”

“No, Patrenko. It’s absolutely none of your business.”

“That sounds like there’s something to tell. Are you ready to tell me I’ve been right all along?” Jac let out a small laugh at this which surprised Frieda, she hadn’t heard Jac be so conversational in a while.

“Absolutely not.”

“Babe are you getting a shower first or am I?” Fletch asked as he walked into the room, taking off his t-shirt as Jac stood there in silence.

“Babe?” Frieda asked, a sense of urgency in her voice, “Mr. Fletcher?”

“Frieda?” Fletch asked, spinning around to spot the phone on the bed and Jac rolling her eyes pathetically.

“Jac?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Jac groaned as a bitter laugh rang from the phone.

“See I knew it-“ Frieda didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence as Jac lept for the phone and hung up, chucking it back on the bed as she sent Fletch daggers.

“I didn’t realise you were on the phone.” He whispered, folding up his t-shirt and placing it neatly in the draw before looking at his girlfriend who had placed her hands on her hips in frustration. “Seriously.” He walked round to the side of the bed, wrapping an arm around her stomach as he stood behind her. She didn’t move, the thoughts running through her head about how real this had become. Frieda knew, which meant this wasn’t a holiday thing, this was a real-life sort of thing. It terrified her and excited her at the same time, excitement being the winning emotion as he rested his chin on her shoulder and kissed her cheek briefly.

“Did you call me babe?” She asked after a moment, feeling him recoil slightly. She span round so that they were face to face, she was able to see how uncomfortable he was with the fear she was angry or uncomfortable herself.

“Well, I-“ he paused, shaking his head slowly. “You must’ve misheard.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.” He nodded, looking at her carefully through the afternoon light.

“That’s a shame,” she breathed, “I don’t mind it.” She was telling the truth, the moment he called her babe she forgot for a second that Frieda was even on the phone and her heart skipped a small beat. She wasn’t a fan of pet names, ‘sweetheart’ had to be the worst one of them all. But ‘babe’, used sparingly, there was something about it that made her want to hold him and rip his clothes off at the exact same time.

“We have to get ready.” He whispered as she ran her hand along the socket under his cheekbone, his being a lot less prominent than her own.

“What do we wear?”

“It’s black-tie.”

“So no trousers?” She asked, knowing that he’d tell her no, not that he really cared what she wore, but the event itself called for dresses and suits.

“Apparently not.” They looked at one another for a while, it was probably only a brief moment, but she took him in, standing there in front of her - every detail of his face. He had bright eyes like hers, though his smile was often bigger and more frequent. She wondered how long it would take to eat this meal and get back to the room, she wondered whether he’d let her explore his body the way he did hers, whether they would finish what they’d started last night. She hoped like hell they would, so she put in more effort when she got ready to make it clear to him that that was the plan.

He had donned a black and white suit, although he forgot the blazer on purpose. He didn’t forget the tie though, it was black and it wasn’t one Jac could make fun of like she normally did, but it all tied together perfectly with her black dress. It was long and it cut deep into the hollow of her chest, there were no sparkles or flecks of glitter, it was simple and black, revealing her arms and her chest, her back completely concealed. Her hair was wavy for once, it wasn’t pin straight but it was still long, loose waves that flowed to the middle of her back, fire contrasting with black, he couldn’t look away from her. Even Evie was stunned when she came out of the room, Fletch sat on the sofa whilst Jac got ready. He waited until they were out of the hotel room to tell her what he thought, to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she was. How beautiful she is. The dinner was downstairs in the hotel again, a big private room with two large round tables, each one seating fifteen people. They went back to the act, Jac Naylor and Adrian Fletcher, no romance, just business. They were sat next to one another though, on a table with egotistical surgeons and underpaid nurses, it was going to be a long night. Jac sighed as she sat down, looking at the few obvious couples and the obvious singles, ready to be bored to death. She racked her brain as to how to make the night more exciting and once her eyes landed on Fletch’s as he briefly looked her up and down, the perfect plan came to mind.

She was right, it was really boring. She had found herself in conversation with a doctor over which prolene was better, 2-O or 3-O, and every time he disagreed with her she was ready to leave. She didn’t though, she looked at Fletch who was having a slightly less boring conversation with a nurse from London. She occupied herself briefly when she was introduced by a few other doctors to new conversations where she finally had something to talk about. She was distracted though, she could feel Fletch’s body next to hers and the thoughts that ran through her mind were not things that she could share. She caught the bottom of her foot under the ankle of Fletch’s trouser, the tip of her heel grazing against his skin. He tried not to notice it at first, but the lingering contact made it all that harder. They sat like that whilst the food came, both of them digging in since they hadn’t eaten since lunch. The room was full of noise, it was big and dark, each table being lit up by the chandeliers lit above them. Everything was black and white, the pure white cloth that flowed over the table and each person’s laps ran to the floor hiding their laps. There was a bar at the back of the room and she knew that if it wasn’t for the pain medication that was where she would have made a beeline for, she was so aware of her surroundings that it was becoming painful.

She couldn’t figure out the purpose of the dinner, there was one funding representative on the table who had engulfed Jac in several conversations, but there was no elusion to money. She didn’t care really, she had got nearly double the funding she needed on the first night and so she turned her attention to Fletcher. She ran her hand to his knee, her nails tracing odd patterns through the material of his trousers. She kept her eyes focused on whatever conversation she was in as her hand moved higher, it was now resting on the middle of his thigh. He let out a gentle cough in the middle of his conversation, shooting Jac a questioning glare which she ignored. She continued her ministrations, fingertips swirling along the material as her hand got dangerously close to his groin. She had no idea what she would do when she reached it, where she would go or how to further please her mind with her devilish behaviour. She saw him shakily reach for his glass of water, twisting his neck gently as to let some cool air in, her actions thankfully concealed by the white cloth. He caught her biting her lip which made the whole interaction a lot harder to stomach, he knew exactly what she was doing.

“Jac.” He whispered as she shot her head to him, her hand involuntarily squeezing his thigh as he stifled a cough. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?” She asked innocently, taking a sip of water as her eyes stayed on his.

“Really? Okay then.” He nodded, placing his hand on hers as he moved it to her thigh. She watched in confusion and defeat as he turned his head back to the table, his own hand now resting on the top of her thigh, his fingers fluttering against her dress. She had no other move to make so she moved her chest forward slightly, angling her body so he could see her slight cleavage, and they were both wrapped in the game.

They sat there for a while, both of their minds racing to find out how and when they could get out of there, and that moment couldn’t come soon enough. Fletch’s fingers had found a comfy spot on the inside of her thigh, tapping gently as Jac squirmed in her seat. She hated defeat, there was absolutely no way she was going to let him win. She leaned towards him subtly, although it didn’t matter much since everyone else on the table was drunk, forcing his head to turn to hers.

“I’m not wearing any underwear.” She said slyly as his eyes widened, his focus remaining on hers as the table dissolved into minor conversation, a few leaving. He took the opportunity to stand up, announcing he was getting back to the kids and looked down at her, shaking his head.

“Let’s go.” He mouthed, and Jac obeyed, getting to her feet and following him without a second thought. Excitement rushed through her blood, she was grateful that she was sober, that he was too so that they both knew this was what they wanted. He didn’t say another word to her, grabbing her hand as they walked down the hallway, a thick silence building as they got the the room. There was a heavy anticipation shared between them as he unlocked the door, ready to spin Jac around in front of him.

“You’re early.” Janine smiled from the sofa breaking the silence.

“It was boring. Thanks for helping.” They were the only words he could muster as he drew his eyes from Jac. They both watched Janine move, way too slowly for their liking as she found her way to the door. Jac shot her a small smile, the sexual tension was becoming too much for her to handle. Fletch shut the door behind the babysitter, resting his head on the door as he looked at Jac. She was looking directly at him, the warm light from the room lit her up gently as she swayed under his presence. She looked at him innocently, his mind racing at a hundred miles an hour, she was probably the least innocent person he’d ever met. It took him a few seconds before he moved, walking towards her with dark intent, his hands cupping the sides of her neck as his lips connected with hers. The kiss was needy and brutal, like this was something they had been waiting their entire lives for.

He walked her backwards into his side of the open door, shutting it quietly behind him. They barely parted lips as they moved, finding the way to their bedroom. Her hands fiddled with his tie as she undid the tight fabric, letting it slip from her hands onto the middle of the floor. She focused her attention on his shirt, the tiny buttons confusing her as they resisted her movement. She sighed pathetically as he moved her hands out of the way, undoing the buttons himself in a matter of seconds. She refused to watch his achievement as she kissed him again, his hands moving the material from his shoulders as it fell next to his tie. Next was his belt which Jac had on the floor only a moment later followed by his trousers. She clicked her heels from her feet, Fletch letting out a small smile as he had to drop his head given the missing height that has resulted from her heels now being kicked into the corner of the room. Before they knew it Jac’s legs were pressed against the frame of the bed.

His fingers muddled in the fabric of her dress, moving slowly so that she could tell him if she wanted him to stop. He twisted the zip in his fingers before pulling it down the side of her body, his thumb tracing the bare skin as he went. As the zip fell to her hip he parted from her, their breath entangling with one another’s as she gave him a small nod. He moved the straps from her shoulders down her arms, watching it pool to the ground.

And there she was.

He felt her tense for a moment as his eyes fell over her naked body, his hands stuck on her waist. “You’re perfect.” He whispered as he kissed her again, her body rolling into his as heat rushed to his groin. One hand rested on her back as the other trailed down her stomach, stopping just above the place she wanted him most.

“Please.” She begged as a confirmation of consent, allowing his finger to graze her clit. His finger moved slowly in small circles, gentle moans escaping her lips as his lips found their way to her neck and collarbones, blossoming red appearing from each kiss. He felt her nails dig in to the top of his shoulders as he slid two fingers inside of her, slowly, and gently as the pain seared through his back. She was surprised she was still standing, surprised her body was still whole at the way he knew her body regardless of this being the first time. His fingers created a soft rhythm as he worked his way for her climax, her moans becoming louder as he curled his fingers, hitting her spot perfectly every time. “Don’t stop.” She whispered, and on command he did, moving his fingers from her and wrapping his hands around her waist. Her breath hitched in her throat and the absence of him made her head lift to his.

“You’ve teased me all night, Naylor.”

“Is this payback?” She whispered gently, her body still shaking from the pleasure.

“No.” He breathed, moving a stray hair from her face, “Just tell me what you want.” With that she grabbed his face, forcing her lips on his as they moved together.

“You.” She pleaded, her eyes darkening with desire as he nodded, moving her back on the bed slowly. The coolness of the sheet burned her skin as she watched him slowly, his eyes focusing on hers from above. He was rendered immobile for a moment at the sight of her below him, her shallow breaths inviting him for more. He pressed a kiss to her lips before working his way down her body, finding pleasure in taking time exploring each curve and dimple, each imperfection and each moment he had. It wasn’t long before Jac had enough, she was pulling his boxers off for him, bringing his face back to her lips as she kissed him again, feeling his hardness against her abdomen. They’d both imagined this night in different ways, an impromptu hookup in her office had been one of her many dreams. His had been more emotional, he’d imagined it being slow and perfect. It wasn’t, they were rushed for one another, driven by the pure heat and desire that they shared for one another. He didn’t care, as her body rolled against his he knew that this was as perfect as anything could get.

“I haven’t got a condom.” He sighed into her skin, looking up as her mind raced.

“I’m on birth control for my endo. I’m clean.”

“Me too.” He smiled, “Not the birth control bit.”

“Yeah, I got that.” She laughed, surprisingly nothing he said could ruin the moment. “Let me feel you.” She breathed a moment later as his breath caught in his throat. He kissed her again, one hand supporting his weight above her as the other explored her body still. Within a moment he placed his tip at her entrance as she let out a small moan, their bodies finally becoming one. The room was mixed between soft moans and harsh words, Fletch thrusting in and out in a gentle rhythm. He felt her nails dig into his back, long streaks of red were sure to blossom. He knew that he wasn’t doing anything that could get them both over the edge and so he slowly increased his pace, hearing her sigh in appreciation of his movements. He kissed her once before lifting her up slightly, turning her body around so that she was on all fours, her hands gripping the duvet as he entered her again, both of their bodies attaching to one another and then separating.

Though this was their first time together, they’d both had a sexually driven past and it showed as they worked together, Jac moving her body as Fletch changed up his tempo, both of them surprising themselves with how long they’d lasted. Pleasure ripped through them both, but the distance between them wasn’t something Jac found would give her the release she needed. Him dominating her sent her body crazy, but she moved from him slowly, sitting on her knees as she faced him now, his mind whirling over what she was going to do.

She moved his body round so that he was lying down with his head on the pillow, watching her as she moved one leg over his body. His breath hitched in his throat as she aligned his erection with her entrance, lowering her body on top of him. They both let out powerful moans at the new position, Jac rising and falling as her head fell backwards in pleasure. Her nails dug into his chest, his whole body becoming a centre of red lines and nail marks, not that he cared when he watched her body move with his. Watching her sent his mind racing, this was new for him, to be dominated in this way. She fascinated him, the way she moved, the way she called his name, this was everything. He held her hips, helping her rise and fall with him as she moved so her face was above his. Their moves became more erratic as he met her in the middle, her bum clashing with his thighs as he thrusted into her, each time stronger than the previous. She kissed him slowly as they moved, leaning forward allowed him to enter her deeper and they were close to their climax. He moved one figure to her clit, rubbing small circles directly onto the bud and within a moment she was moaning his name, her back arching as pleasure took over her whole body. He felt himself tense inside her, his whole body succumbing to hers as they rode their climax’s out together.

As they regained their breathing Fletch pressed a few kisses to her lips, each one showing the pleasure he’d just experienced from her. She rose up slightly, allowing him to pull out of her before she kissed him again, the insides of her thighs slightly wet with their mixed fluids. It had been a while since she’d experienced anything like that and if it wasn’t for the kids next door she would’ve made sure everyone in the hotel knew what was happening. They laid there for a moment, Jac moving into his side, resting her head in his neck as his hand caressed the side of her face, his fingers rising and falling through the curves of her cheekbones.

“I need to shower.” She whispered, rolling off of him as he nodded, watching her leave. After a moment he got up, grabbing the sheets and replacing them with new ones at the bottom of the wardrobe, placing one of his hoodies and pair of joggers on the bed for her. He chucked the sheets in the corner of the room knowing he’d shove them in the washing machine tomorrow morning, getting his own set of pyjamas ready as he re-made the bed. He walked into the ensuite to find her back facing him in the shower. She’d let the water run through her hair, it was darker when it was wet and he slid the shower door open causing her to turn around in surprise. “Oh.” She breathed, facing him, her hands tracing his chest. She’d spotted the raw marks she’d left on his body, he was oblivious to them though as he watched her focus on his naked body. She turned him around, her eyes widening at the state of his back, long and red marks from his shoulders to the middle of his back, deep indentations of her pleasure.

“What?”

“Do they not hurt?” She asked, running her thumb down each one. At the mention of them he nodded, his focus away from her body meant the pain started to creep through.

“A little.” He shrugged, turning around to step into the shower.

“I’m sorry.” She breathed, detaching the shower head from the wall and rushing the water over his marked body.

“Never apologise for that.”

“Never?”

“Never.” He said again, kissing her briefly before taking control of the shower head, placing it back on the wall as he washed his body. They were only in there for a moment, both of them half ready to start things up again, but they chose not to knowing that after their recent performance they were way too tired. Instead they dried off and Jac wandered into the bedroom, noticing the freshly-made bed and pyjamas laid out for her. She smiled at the gesture, chucking on the abundance of grey material as he watched her, himself doing the exact same thing.

“Well this is a lot less sexy.” She laughed, looking down at her outfit as she walked to the door. He didn’t comment or reply knowing that he’d just disagree as he waited for her to come back. She returned a few minutes later, the bottoms of his joggers causing her to nearly trip on multiple occasions, with a tub of icecream in one hand and a spoon in the other. “The kids are all asleep.”

“I should hope so.” He grimaced, it hadn’t really clicked that the kids could’ve been awake and heard all of that, although they both had made an effort to tone down the noise, no matter how difficult they found it. “Where’s my spoon?” He asked her as he rolled onto the bed, tucking his legs under the duvet as he switched on the television.

“Just because we had sex doesn’t mean I have to share my food with you.”

“I don’t like salted caramel anyway.” He huffed, rolling his eyes as she shot him daggers.

“I can’t date someone that doesn’t like salted caramel.”

“Is this us breaking up?”

“Yes.” She said surely, stuffing her mouth full of the cold food, “I only used you for an orgasm anyway.”

“Shut up.” He laughed, kissing the top of her forehead as she shuffled under his arm, resting her head on his chest.

“Tomorrow is museum day.” She said after a while, scraping her spoon around the edges of the tub.

“Huh?”

“Mikey wanted to go to the art museum, there’s also a science part that me and Evie want to look at.” She’d managed to finish the entire tub of ice cream by herself, for a heart surgeon she was a big eater, and if it wasn’t for her constant time at the gym and being on her feet all day she would probably need surgery herself.

“Wait you’re really going?” He asked, slightly shocked that she was willing to spend the day with his kids, doing things that didn’t really interest her.

“Yeah, if this is what my life’s going to be like I might as well just get used to it.” She reasoned, placing the tub on the bedside table before she rolled back into him, swirling her finger over the material of his hoodie on his stomach.

“Thank you.” He smiled, kissing her forehead again, “But it’s probably a good thing because there’s no way I can take my t-shirt off now.”

“That’s a good point.” She nodded, looking up at him. “I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”

“I don’t really care.” He mumbled, kissing her briefly before shuffling so that he was lying down, Jac performing the same movement as him so they were lying down together.

“Me neither.”

“Goodnight.” He whispered after she rolled into his body, her back against his abdomen again.

“Goodnight.” She replied softly, moving her slightly damp hair to one side as he kissed her neck. She tucked her shoulder under the duvet, their legs tangled together as they shifted into sleep. She was warm, and tired, but no longer exhausted. The kids were all asleep and happy, the ward was still standing, Fletch was happy. She was happy. This wasn’t just a holiday thing, she realised to herself as her mind relayed the events of the day. This was everything to her and all she hoped was that he thought the same thing, and that when they went home they would still be able to do this. They would still feel like this.

* * *

* * *

 


	6. i'll make it up to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this has taken me so many months to finish, it's been a busy time!
> 
> hope you enjoy this (if anyone actually reads this)

She woke up earlier than she had done any day on holiday, and the moment she opened her eyes she knew exactly why. She had to shut them again for the blistering pain in her back that shot down her leg and back up to her neck. She knew why, she’d taken liberty with her actions last night knowing she hadn’t done physio in weeks, the only thing masking her pain was her high dosage of medication and realistically she had royally fucked herself over. This rarely happened nowadays, she was smarter, she stopped when things got too much and she phoned the physio and she did things the correct way. This time was particularly bad though, she knew it when she felt a tear drop down her cheek and onto the pillow, her hand shaking as she lifted it to wipe her face. She knew Fletch was still asleep and she tried to mask her small sob with her hand over her mouth knowing that she needed to turn onto her back for the pain to subside. She moved slowly, turning from her side and moving so her back was flat against the mattress, a soft whimper coming from her as she moved. Fuck, she thought as she felt her legs go numb, fuck. 

“Morning.” Fletch whispered from his side of the bed as he felt her move, throughout the night they had separated and Fletch had ended up on his side too, their backs facing one another. When she didn’t respond he turned his head to watch her do the exact same, her body flat but her face away from him. He crinkled his face in confusion, turning his whole body around to face her. He noticed her hand caught in the duvet, grasping at it as her knuckles turned white. His face faltered in concern when he noticed the small wet patch on her pillow, Jac didn’t cry. “Hey?” There was no response. “Jac?” Silence. “Are you okay?” He asked, he knew she was awake and the fear that she was upset with him or the things they did last night rushed through him.

“I’m fine.” She whispered bitterly, her eyes shut tight. It hurt to speak, it hurt to move. 

“No you’re not.” He replied, practically jumping from under the duvet and sitting on his knees. He finally saw her face, tear stained cheeks and pursed lips. “What’s wrong?” He lifted his hand to touch her side, but revoked it immediately as she creased in pain. It wasn’t that direct contact hurt her, not even with how soft he was, it was the thought of anyone touching her when she was in this state that was enough to send the pain screaming down her body. 

“Please leave me alone.” She said in a baited breath. She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t want him to see her like this. This was literally her worst, minus being in a coma and paralysed, this was her worst because she caused it herself, this was her fault. She felt the sickness rise to her throat, her whole body slowly breaking apart as the pain began to travel around her body. She knew it would soon take control of both of her legs and her lower back, immobilising her before it then took over her neck and her arms. Not even pain medication could solve this. He shook his head slowly, clambering one leg over her body so he was sat over her, ironically similar to the position she was in last night. “Leave me alone.” She repeated through gritted teeth, letting her hand loose from the duvet as she shoved him gently, her pathetic attempt at moving him off her. He caught her hand in his, doing the same to the other one when she inevitably started to push him off again. 

“Stop it.” He whispered as she tried her best to squirm, to fight his help, tears rushing down her face. It wasn’t that she really wanted him off her at all, the warmth he was giving her was exactly what she needed. She just didn’t want to feel in pain, she was angry at it, furious, and so she was angry at him because she couldn’t be angry at something that was inside of her, she could hurt him, she couldn’t hurt the pain. She had managed to loosen his grip on her wrist as she hit him again, a loud thump echoing as her fist made contact with his chest. “Stop it, baby, please. Stop.” She heard him whisper, he was more so begging her now to let him help and under the pain of it all she let him, her body going limp. For a split second the pain was replaced with warmth at his words, ’baby, please’ replayed in her mind once before the pain took over again and her tears continued to fall. 

“Tell me what to do.” He said after a while, her hands dropping to her side as she moved her neck to face him, her eyes still shut. She tried to control her breathing, the pulsating in her back getting stronger and stronger and she felt her throat tighten. This was what it always was, this is what her life had become. She’d lie on her office floor for hours until it finally subsided, she’d get Sacha to take Emma to school, she’d throw things and break them at the anger she felt towards the pain, towards Fredrik, towards everything. It happened rarely, but when it happened it consumed her, it confused her, she couldn’t understand how she was so fragile. 

“There’s nothing you can do.” She said between light sobs and harsh breaths. 

“Okay.” He breathed, looking around the room. “Warmth.” He muttered under his breath, not loud enough for Jac to even hear what he said. She felt him move from on top of her though, the absence of his body made everything that much worse and he heard her let out an agonising moan as he walked to the door. He couldn’t bare to look at her for much longer and so he went out to try and find the blanket he’d spotted a few days ago. He felt a tear of his own run down his cheek, the thought of the pain she was in made him angry and he remembered how many times he had cried over her, over her being shot, over the surgeries, over her being paralysed, poisoned, over her flatlining. He cried when she woke up too, not that she’d ever know that or anyone knew that. But this wasn’t about him and he told himself to get it together when he found the blanket, creeping back into the room. He’d remembered her saying that being warm helped the pain, hence the blanket. He pulled the duvet off her slowly, refusing to look at her as her body laid rigid. He folded the blanket in half, placing it on her chest down to her knees, letting it cover her body and falling down the side of the bed. Without thinking she grabbled the edge of the fluffy material, appreciating the warmth it provided her especially as he fluffed the duvet back over her.

It didn’t stop the pain, they both knew that and she felt it start to run down her legs, wholly grabbing them as they succumbed to the agonising pain. “Please can you make sure Emma is alright?” She asked him, the words coming out shallow and quiet. 

“It’s only half six.” 

“She’ll be up, she watches the sunrise.”

“Okay.” He nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed. If there was anything he could do he would do it, but he couldn’t, he was useless. She opened her eyes to see him run a hand through his hair, guilt written all over his face. She didn’t have the ability to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but she had made a mental note to remind him later that it wasn’t because of him. It ripped through her again, and again, and again, the pain forcing tears to roll down her cheeks. He moved his thumb to her cheek, wiping away the salty drops as she shrugged her head out the way.

“I don’t need you to be here.” She mumbled, “I don’t want you here. I’m not a charity case.” The words tumbled out of her mouth out of fear that he would view her as weak, as broken, as someone who needed to be cared for. He rose to his feet slowly, her head turning to him in the silence. She hadn’t expected that, she had expected him to plead that he wasn’t sympathising with her, that he didn’t pity her. 

“You are not weak, you are not broken.” He said flatly, “You were shot and this is something you have to deal with. But I am not going to leave you in pain. I don’t view you as a charity case, no one does.” 

“And you don’t think you’ll get sick of this?” She asked, turning to face him. In a moment she pulled her body up, her mind whirling with pain as she did, a bad decision, the sickness rising again. Her vision blinded momentarily as her body responded to the impulses, waiting for them to subside briefly before she spoke. “Having to face a reminder of the shooting every time you see me like this? Your kids seeing me like this? You won’t want to have a relationship where you can’t even have sex with your girlfriend.” With her words her tears began to fall more rapidly, she didn’t care at this point and so she let out the exasperated sobs as she came to the realisation that she would end up alone, not because of her pushing people away, but because she was a constant reminder of a tragedy.

“I’ve seen you die, flatline there on the table. I’ve contemplated turning your life support off. My kids saw you in a coma for weeks, I saw you.” He sighed, his whole body facing her as he sat back down on the bed. “You’re feeling this pain because you haven’t done physio in a while, you haven’t had sex in a while, I’m assuming,” he paused briefly, “this is all new. This is not something that’s going to happen every time we have sex and if it is then we’ll figure something out.” 

“You’ll get bored of me.” Her words were drowned out by her sobs, her back against the pillow that rested against the soft headboard. The pain was still there, it wasn’t going to go away and she knew that, but she begged it to go, praying to whoever was up in the sky to take it away.

“I couldn’t. Lord knows I tried to get bored of you, I tried to forget you. And here we are.” He moved further onto the bed, his side resting against her legs as he watched her. Her chest rose and fell with every short breath, her breathing worsening the pain, the colour completely drained from her face. There were few times he’d seen her like this, the one time she’d broken down in her office, this was worse than that. She couldn’t stop herself from crying and Jac rarely cried, never mind completely and utterly sobbing in front of him. Half of her felt embarrassed, the other half didn’t really care. 

“But, I-“  
“Please stop.” He hushed, engulfing her in a hug. “I’m here.” Pulling her into the hug momentarily made her wince in pain before she relaxed into his arms, her own finding their way to his back. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“It just hurts so much.” He didn’t respond to that, there was nothing he could say that would take away her pain or allow her to know that he understood. He couldn’t understand, he had no idea of the level of pain. But from a medical point of view he knew that this was just a reaction to the events of last night, her body wasn’t prepared for it. She hadn’t been to the gym in a few weeks and she’d called physio off due to her busy schedule so she was behind, and this was the result. He made a note to ensure she went to the physio every week, not for selfish reasons, but so that she wouldn’t be in this pain, that no matter what she did whether it was having sex or just operating or carrying her daughter she wouldn’t be in this pain.

He felt her body limp against him, her forehead resting in the bend between his neck and his shoulder, her sobs stopping all together and her chest slowing. “Jac?” He asked, his hands moving from behind her waist, her own arms now limp by her side. He panicked for a moment, listening to her breathing. It was calm and constant and the fear that her body had shut down was replaced with the complacent knowledge that she had passed out from the pain. He had expected that to happen, he had assumed - from witnessing this after the shooting - that she would either be sick or pass out and he was happy that it was the latter. He moved her body back down onto the bed, propping the pillow under her head and organising the blanket and the duvet over her. He looked at her for a minute, she was finally peaceful again. Before too long he was on his feet, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before walking out, pulling the door shut as he went to check on her daughter. 

Jac was right, Emma and Evie were sat awake in their bed as Emma watched the sunrise, Evie still trying to wake up. The others had all found their way to the same room, Mikey and Ella next to Evie as Theo minded his own business on the floor. “You guys are up early.” Fletch said as he walked in, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s museum day!” Mikey smiled, rolling off the bed.

“It is.” Fletch smiled, taking his son’s place. Evie shot him a questioning look, Fletch looked exhausted, frustrated, upset. “Come here.” He said to all the kids, Emma and Theo included as they wandered over, reaching towards the bed as Evie helped them up. 

“What’s wrong?” Evie asked, moving around so she was sat behind Emma, Fletch sat opposite them all.

“Do you remember when we all went to the hospital to see Jac when she was in pain?” He asked them and they all nodded. The kids had begged him to take them to visit Jac after she was poisoned by Gaskell, and they had walked onto the ward whilst Frieda had to sedate her. He remembered picking Emma up in one hand as Evie held his other, all of them visibly shaken by seeing her like that. “Today she’s in a lot of pain again.” 

“Does that mean she won’t come to the museum?” Mikey asked, looking between his family.

“No, mate, not today.” 

“Is mummy going to die again?” Emma asked, her soft voice bringing the attention of everyone to her, her eyes watering slightly.

“No.” Evie cooed, wrapping her arms around the young girl. They had become like siblings over the last year, Evie and Emma specifically, but Emma and all of the Fletchlings. “Is it bad?” Evie mouthed to her father as he nodded, a thick silence building in the room. 

“Can we stay at home today?” Mikey asked, rubbing the corner of his eye as Theo rested on his on his leg.

“Are you sure?” 

“I don’t want Jac to be alone.”

“Okay.” Fletch said as he mustered a smile. He watched them all as they clambered over to him, the five children finding a way to hug one another. 

“We can have a homework day.” Evie said as the silence built up again, “I have a lot of homework and I don’t want to do it by the pool.”

“Me too.” Mikey nodded, neither of them liked homework but they might as well get it done. 

“Sounds good.” He said, shuffling through the mountain of children as he got to his feet. He saw glimmers of sadness running through their faces, Theo not really understanding what was going on, but he felt like the rest of the room, concerned, upset. “We can also watch a couple of films.” He agreed, their frowns turning into smiles as they nodded to the idea of the plan. “Get showered and dressed and we’ll have breakfast.” They all obeyed him, Mikey, Ella and Theo running through the rooms to their own, Emma occupying herself as Evie stared at her dad. 

“Will she be okay?”

“Yes.” He nodded confidently, “I just haven’t seen her this bad before.” His voice was weak, he was scared, he wasn’t sure that anyone had ever seen Jac like that before and it terrified him that she wasn’t okay.

“She’s Jac, she’s stronger than anyone.” With her words Fletch left, nodding and agreeing with his daughter. He was too scared to go back in and check on her, but somewhere along the walk from one apartment to the other he’d mustered up the courage, opening the door to find her sat up, her back facing him from the other side of the room. He watched her for a moment, her arms shaking as they stretched behind her back, supporting her weight. 

“Come on, Naylor.” He heard her whisper to herself, one of her hands coming up to cover her mouth as she pressed a foot to the floor. “Fuck.” Once he noticed her attempt to stand he walked over, his footsteps light enough for her to not hear. She didn’t notice him until he came into her view, bending down in front of her, his face a few inches below hers. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, slightly shocked to see more tears running down her face. It was such a bizarre thing to see her so vulnerable, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, he’d never seen her like this before. 

“I, uh-“ she paused, regaining her breathing as she placed one hand back on the bed, her legs flickering with pins and needles. “I think I’m going to be sick.” 

“Okay.” He nodded, grabbing both of her arms and placing them on his shoulders. “Can you put your feet on the ground?” She shook her head, lifting it to the ceiling. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, she didn’t want to know if he was pitying her, she didn’t want to see the sympathy that was bound to be written all over his face. Before she knew it he had scooped her up, her body limp in his arms as he held one arm under her knees and the other under her back. It didn’t phase him that she was heavier than she looked, he assumed it was because she was dead weight in his arms, she couldn’t hold herself up as her head lulled against his shoulder. Waves of relief rushed through her for the mere seconds he held her, no pressure on her body for the first time in hours. Before she knew it though she was on the ground, him knelt beside her as the waves of pain returned, her body shaking as her head went dizzy again. She didn’t know how she’d dealt with this alone before, although Sacha often did stay at home just incase she needed him when she was this bad. There was something about this time that was worse though, she could hardly see, her body convulsing with each breath that she took. He watched her carefully, one hand pressed on the floor as the other rubbed her back slowly. The next thing he knew was her head launching over the toilet, her body moving as she retched the ice cream she had last night, followed by their dinner and probably anything else they had yesterday. He didn’t say much, letting his hand drop as he moved her hair out of the way until she stopped, her tear-stained cheeks resurfacing. She wiped the corners of her mouth, her head falling into her hands as she tried to control her body, both of them sat on the floor unable to muster a word. 

He’d noticed Evie in the doorway, a glass of water in her hand as she left it on Jac’s bedside table, Fletch giving her a silent nod in appreciation. Jac shot her head up to Fletch who was looking at Evie, the room becoming tense as Jac noticed the young girls presence. “Please get out.” Jac sighed, her hand running over her face as Evie stiffened, unaware that she was intruding.

“Sorry, there’s just a glass of water on your-“

“Get out.” Jac yelled now, interrupting the young girl who revoked at the noise, nodding her head and stuttering, walking backwards out the room. She took a look at Fletch who shot her a look of distain, his hand falling from her body. “I, uh, I’m-“ she tried to apologise, everything becoming fuzzy again, but she was able to make out him standing up and leaving. She looked around the room, the cold floor not helping the pain that ran down her body, anger bubbling inside her. She was still angry at the pain, but now she was angry at herself for yelling at Evie. It all came to the forefront when she grabbed the ceramic plant pot that sat next to the toilet, throwing it violently at the wall. Flecks of grey shattered at the contact, sharp edges smashing further as they landed on the ground. There was no relief after the action, no catharsis, just a whole lot of shit to clean up. 

She tried not to focus on that too much, turning her attention to her body, some sort of sensation returning in her leg. She took this as a nod that she could get up, one hand firmly placed on the edge of the toilet, the other stuck on the doorhandle. With a couple of jolted movements she had managed to pull herself up, only she’d mistaken the sensation in her leg as the pain subsiding for a new pain. A shard of ceramic pot had cut her leg, that was the sensation she felt in her leg before she stood up, the misguided sense meaning she was back to square one, pain and numbness ripping through her at the same time. She felt her hand slip from the handle, she was carrying her own weight. In doing so her chest tightened, her body convulsing slightly in spasmodic sensations as the room span around her. She couldn’t help herself as she felt her knees give way to the pain in her back, her body falling to the floor. He’d got there just in time, his fingers barely grazing her skin before he caught her, holding her tightly against him. 

“Stop it.” He sighed, he didn’t know exactly what he was referring to, he just wanted her to stop. He held her head against his chest for a moment before grabbing her body, lifting her and bringing her back to the bed. He laid her on her side, knowing that if she was going to be sick she’d choke on it if she lied on her back, propping a few pillows behind her as he fixed her leg, blood spattering on his own joggers. She’d passed out, or fallen asleep - he didn’t know which, allowing him to tidy the bathroom, pick up the shattered pot and the mud that scattered the floor. He sighed into his hand briefly, he couldn’t understand how she dealt with this alone. He had no second thoughts about their relationship, questioning whether this could actually work, he just had to face the reminder that she wasn’t okay. He didn’t want to mention it or bring it up, he didn’t want to treat her as someone who needed help, but seeing this, her in this state, her barely unable to communicate with him, he wondered whether or not she was getting the right physio. It was a thought for when they were back home though, he traipsed back out of the room to face the children who had all made their breakfasts and started their homework. He took a shower in Evie’s room, changing into another top and joggers, setting the washing on and sitting down with the older kids whilst Emma and Theo occupied themselves with the kids programmes. 

“Are you alright?” He asked his daughter, he’d previously consoled her after Jac’s outburst. She nodded her head, not taking her eyes off her homework as Mikey asked his father a million questions about his comprehension work that was supposed to be handed in a week ago. They spent the majority of the day like this, flicking between conversation and television. They had all left at one stage, Fletch taking the children to lunch at the beach, all of them taking their mind’s off Jac. He’d found a hot water bottle hidden as one of the hotel’s luxuries, and he filled it up, placing it in between the pillows and the material of the hoodie that covered her back. She didn’t wake, and so he wrote her a scruffy note letting her know where they were, placing her phone and the television controller under her arm incase she needed him, or needed some light entertainment. 

She did wake up once, lifting her head from the pillow to find the note. ‘Gone to lunch, ring me if you need me. Do not get up.’ It was a pretty simple note, she flicked it between her fingers as she basked in the warmth of the heat on her back, smiling at his gesture. She wondered after her performance today, how much of a bitch she was to him and even to his daughter, why was he still here? Why did he still care? Why was he still making sure she was alright even though she didn’t show a shred of gratitude? Before she could think of an answer she had rolled over, the pain subsiding slightly as she succumbed back to sleep.

When she woke up again she caught her breath in her throat, slightly choking on the air as she moved her head from her pillow. The room was a lot darker now, the only light coming from the bedside tables and the dim yellow cast from the window. She felt a hold on her hand as she moved, her head snapping to the right to see Evie laying there, her eyes closed and her phone tucked into her chest. She smiled at the young girl who had laid her hand on top of Jac’s flat palm, the girl’s fingers curling around Jac’s hand to show her that she was forgiven. Jac watched Evie’s eyes flutter open, placing her own head back on the pillow.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep I-“ 

“It’s okay.” Jac breathed, closing her hand around Evie’s, “I’m sorry, for earlier.” 

“No, no-“ Evie stuttered, “I shouldn’t have intruded.”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have yelled. I was just…” she breathed, realising the pain in her back was no where near as bad as it was earlier. 

“Dad told me I should tell you to not get up, even if you feel better.” Her words timed perfectly with the thoughts in her head causing Jac to frown. She was tempted to try and stand, try and see how far she could push herself, but she didn’t, lifting her hand to find her phone. It was half nine at night, she had no concept of time throughout the day so she didn’t know how long she had been asleep for, or where anyone was. 

“Tell your dad he can stick-“

“See you’re feeling better then.” Fletch muttered from the doorway, causing both of their heads to turn and face him. She hummed in response, her head still flat on the pillow until she looked at him again to see Emma on his hip.

“Is she okay?” Jac asked, sitting up too quickly and being reminded that the pain hadn’t really gone anywhere. 

“She just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Jac nodded, extending her arms to hint that she wanted to hold her daughter. Emma turned excitedly, a smile crossing her face as she nuzzled into her mother’s neck, whispering something that made Jac laugh and agree. They sat there for a while, Emma dozing off into Jac’s shoulder, both Evie and Fletch watching the interaction. He saw Jac falter slightly, her smile turn into a small grimace of pain at the position she was in. “Evie do you want to take Emma to bed?”

“I wanted to stay with Jac.” She huffed, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

“Evie can stay with me.” Jac nodded, kissing her daughter briefly before handing her to Fletch who bounced the four-year-old on his hip. 

“Uh, uh.” Fletch shook his head, “Not a chance.” And with that Evie stood up, taking Emma and smiling at Jac who had curled back into a ball, grazing her hand over the hot water bottle that was now a lot cooler. 

“Spoil sport.” Jac whispered as Evie left, Fletch rolling his eyes as he found his way onto the bed. 

“Did you teach your daughter prime numbers?” He asked her after a moment of thought, rearranging the pillows so he was half sat up.

“What?”

“Emma kept reciting prime numbers this morning, whenever there’s silence.” 

“And the periodic table too.” Jac smiled, biting her lip. Even whilst Jac was pregnant she would recite her unborn daughter all the prime numbers, they were the one true constant. 

“You’re such a nerd.” He laughed, he’d taken liberty to listen to Emma for the entire day, he’d never noticed her do it before, perhaps because every time he had spent with Emma by himself or with the kids it was because Jac was dying, this time he knew she would be fine so he had less things on his mind, and he saw how similar Emma was to her mother.   
“Start them young.” She breathed, wrapping herself in the duvet. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to-“

“I do.” She insisted, running her hand over her face. “For trying to hit you this morning when you tried to help. For the crying and for the plant-pot. And for Evie.” Her apology was quiet, she didn’t apologise normally, but she felt sorry for this, she felt guilty. 

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” She could feel herself tearing up again, she had never known herself to be this emotional, maybe it was the pain, maybe it was that she was starting to care.

“It is. The kids know you’re okay, I know you didn’t mean what you said.” 

“I’m just a mess.” She huffed, she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, tucking her chin under the material of the fabric in attempt to disguise her emotion.

“I know.” 

“That’s not what you were meant to say.”   
“Well after carrying you around all day I think I can say what I want.” He mumbled, pinching at the material of her hoodie.

“I am sorry, I’ll make it up to you.”

“You can make me breakfast in the morning,” he agreed, tracing patterns on the palm of her hand, “not that you can cook anyway.”

“Rude,” she frowned, rolling her eyes at his very true statement. She hit him with the material of her hoodie, grateful that he wasn’t pitying her or feeling sorry for her. He flicked the duvet off him momentarily, opening his arms to encourage her to rest on him. She did exactly that, slowly tucking her feet under the duvet as she rested her whole body on top of his, her chin resting in between his neck and his shoulder. “You’re really comfy,” she mumbled, her hot breath tickling his skin. He ran his fingers up and down her back, soothing the pain she had experienced, allowing her harsh breaths to subside into regular and calm ones. They laid there for a while, Fletch replaying the day in his head, biting his lip at the memory of her sobbing in front of him. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispered, kissing her neck once and then again, “I’m always here.” She knew that, he never needed to remind her but it was nice for her to be sure that he was here to stay, that this wasn’t just sex for him. It was a good job it wasn’t, she thought to herself, because that was a problem in itself. But she chose not to think about that, she chose to focus on the smell of him as her nose tucked into his neck, she focused on his breathing, on his body, on his words. He felt her thumb trail down the middle of his throat to the material of his t-shirt as she squeezed him a little tighter, letting him know that she knew. Letting him know that she wasn’t going anywhere either.


End file.
